NWR: I just can't do cancer support groups (long vent!)

I've TRIED...I really have....

But here's the issue...

This whole cancer things has been such a disruption of my life. I mean I'm only 36, I had just gotten engaged, FH and me were three weeks away from going on a two-week European cruise when BAM!!! My world falls apart.

My entire team of doctors has told me over and over and over again that I am expected to make a full and complete recovery -- and that's what I hold on to.

I attend Mass daily, I get annointed by the priests in my parish both before and after each chemo treatment, I go to healing masses and I have many friends who belong to prayer groups who are praying for me.

And for the most part, I'm keeping a positive attitude, but when I go to these 'support' groups and their message boards, it actually gets me MORE depressed. The LAST thing I want to hear is how all these people are relapsing, which is what happened today. For me, I just want to go through what I have to go through to get better and then get on with life. It's hard enough getting pumped with poisons, losing your hair, being constipated and tired all the time. Why do I want to talk about it too?

The day I went in for my biopsy, my friend Cathy went in for heart surgery. She had major complications and was in ICU for 8 days. She's fine now and back at work, but she's still not the same person she was and her cardiologist said it will take 4-6 months before she's back to normal. I think she summed it up best when she said, 'I'm tired of people asking me how I feel. I just want to forget that this ever happened and get on with my life.'

That's exactly how I feel.

But then there's the part of me that's saying, 'Well, maybe I'm just in major denial and this proves that I DO need to be in a support group.'

But I leave them feeling so beaten down, what purpose can it serve?

If those support groups are just making you feel worse, then I say screw em and come on here whenever you need a pick-me-up! Each person has their own way of dealing with things, and Im sure someone in the support groups is getting exactly what they need, but you need to figure out what it is that YOU need to get through it. And like the other girls said, we are always here for you for whatever you need!

I think that if you feel worse going to them then maybe it isn't where you need to be. Everyone handles these things differently and I am sure that some people leave those meetings feeling great, but don't put yourself through that if it isn't helping.
My mom has been dealing with her cancer for almost 2 years now and she hasn't gone to any meetings...I just think she knows it isn't for her.

Do what ever makes you feel good and focus on the now..... no one can predict the future so don't focus on a possible relapse. We are all here for you!!! Stay positive, I think that helps you get through the toughest days!

being positive and surrounding yourself with people who support you is essential to a speedy recovery ....If the support groups get you down , don't use them.... what about friends or family? i mean they may not be able to understand exactly what your going through but people can be amazing sometimes!

Good luck
sending 's and vibes

The group thing might not be for you, but have you tried like a one on one counseling type thing?
It didn't have to do with cancer, but I went to counseling for a while, and honestly it was nice to sit and talk about myself for an hour once a week.

The groups probably just aren't for you. I know they wouldn't be for me. I'd want to escape as often as possible, not sit there and talk more about it. The more you read/talk/hear about it the more you are surrounding yourself with it. I would find another group (scrapbooking, wedding, cooking, crafts...anything!) just to keep your mind on other stuff.

Hopefully the wedding planning will be a great distraction for you!!

You know the saying different strokes for different folks... if you leave feeling beaten up then it's probably better off you dont attend... if anything you want to do things that make you feel good about yourself, not bring you down. It's ok to say this isnt for me & be honest with yourself. Others shouldnt take offense you have to do what you have to do for yourself to feel good and get better!