NWR need some serious help (controversal subject included)

I have changed my username for obvious reasons b/c I dont want to b judged but really need help on some serious issues..

In February of this year I learned that I was pregnant. My FH and I have been together for a long time, we r young but this was not something we had planned. Occassionally we used birth control but not all the time so we were 100% to blame for the pregnancy and it tore us up inside. We talked it out a thousand times on every possible scenario and we came to the conclusion that I would have an abortion. When I went to the doctor I was only 4 weeks pregnant and took the abortion pill to terminate the pregnancy (I apologize to those of you reading this and are offended by abortions but I have always felt that sometimes mistakes are made once and a woman has to do what is right for her, please dont judge) Ever since then I went back on birthcontrol pills at full force as not to make that mistake again. Since then I have only had sex with FH once..Now it sounds crazy but afterwards I had this terrifying feeling that I was pregnant again. It sounds nuts but I felt sick to my stomach with fear. And after that we have not been intimate again. I did not tell him about my fear for days and we both agreed that if for some reason I was pregnant again we would keep the baby b/c obviously i would not have an abortion again and maybe for some reason this was ment to be our future. Now my problem is this...I took a pregnancy test which so far is negative but for some reason out of the blue I am bleeding, not a lot, but enough to have me questioning the situation.. is it b/c of the bc pills? or something else like g-d forbid a miscarriage? and also... how do my FH and I get over the pregnancy scare b/c he has basically told me he is so scared of it happening again he cant have sex! and i kind of feel relieved b/c I am just as terrified. we kiss and cuddle but nothing at all since that 1 other time. i feel traumatized and i dont know how to enjoy an intimate lifestyle again...i kno this has nothing to do with wedding planning but all of u girls r so helpful with other things i was wondering if anyone has gone threw this or can offer me some words of advice.

I'm very sorry for all that's happened, but I think you need to see your doctor right away. Are you bleeding in between periods? Is it just spotting? That can happen if you skip a day or don't take your pill at the same time every day. I wouldn't panic, but I would definitely see the doctor and explain the situation and your fears. It sounds to me that it's mostly psychological because you're so afraid to get pregnant again.

Good luck!

After you read what I'm going to write you will probably say 'DUH'! Why don't you go to the doctor and ask them these questions. We can surely offer advice and that would be mine. Before you figure out what to do with your intimacy issues you have to take care of youself and what may or maynot be growing inside of you. I wish you health and happiness! Please do us all a favor and see a doctor

The bleeding can definately be from the pill. It has happened to me before. When is you period due? It is late? I am guessing it is probably because of the pill but take a pregnancy test again when you are due to get your period just to be sure.
Also, about being intimate with your FH, you could always wait until the wedding to have sex again. Kissing and cuddling and everything else can be very intimate also. If you decide you want to have sex and you are really scared you can always use 2 methods of BC at once and that will definately make it much harder to get pregnant...example the pill AND a condom.
It sounds like you had to mae a very tough decision and maybe you and your FH are still upset about that... I know I would be.

You need to speak with a medical doctor and you need to both go to a therapist. Having an aborition is very hard thing to decide and I dont' think the feeling just 'goes away'.. from what I've heard, there are a lot of issues to deal with- and it sounds like you and FH are going through a lot of them... so therapy should help you get your intimacy back.

You don't mention if the abortion pill worked...was your pregnancy terminated? Sometimes when first going on the pill, you can have spotting...read that little pamphlet that comes with your prescription. Is it heavy bleeding or light spotting. I understand your fear.

IF you were miscarrying, you would probably be in a lot of pain. I would think that if the egg had implanted, your body would have to somehow push it out--maybe some really intense cramps, etc (I had a friend who miscarried at 16 and she told me all about it).

If you are still unsure, call your Dr's office.

Good Luck...and in terms of regaining your intimacy and feeling safe about it....it'll come. Sit and talk about your fears with your FH. Maybe see a counselor or something....they can help a ton!

whatever it is, i hope you feel better.

I agree, go see a doctor, or at least call your to tell them the symptoms.
The spotting could be from the pill, how long have you been on it? You body may not be used to it.

When you miscarry, you have extremly bad cramping and (sorry to be graphic) but you pass tissue, which is like big blood clots. And if you took a Preg test it would come out positive, some of the time anyway.

Take care of yourself!

You and FH have been through alot already and for that I am so sorry but there is no need to keep punishing yourselves. Go to the doctor together and talk to him/her about all the issues. It will give you peace of mind and in time you can go back to the way things were.

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Posted by julz33


Also, about being intimate with your FH, you could always wait until the wedding to have sex again. Kissing and cuddling and everything else can be very intimate also. If you decide you want to have sex and you are really scared you can always use 2 methods of BC at once and that will definately make it much harder to get pregnant...example the pill AND a condom.

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That's exactly what I was going to suggest.
And yes, go to a doctor, or at least call.

DEFINITELY go to the doctor. Only he/she can tell you if there is a problem or if this is normal.

As far your fear of sex, I would recommend using a reliable birth control method- like the pill, the patch, the shots AND condoms. That way you always have a back up.

You shouldn't worry about being judged. We are all women, most of us sexually active, and all worry about the same things. The only judgment I can make is that you are human, and have been through a tough ordeal. You made a difficult decision based on what was best for you and FH, and that is the best thing you could do. You will be OK.

I just wanted to give you hugs...

Like everyone else said, go to the doctor. Most likely the bleeding is from your body adjusting to the pill and your stress level. I know a few people who have had abortions and they've all dealt with it differently. Give yourself, and your FH, time to heal a bit from this traumatic experience. Don't rush being sexual again simply because you think you should. You will get back to that point when you are both ready. If you feel it's taking too long and you're really having trouble moving forward, than counceling is not such a bad idea. Good luck!

I agree, it could be your body getting used to the pill if you just went on it. USE CONDOMS AND THE PILL! Sex isn't fun when you are worrying the whole time! Cover all the bases so you can stop worrying for a while. It was a huge decision, and you should talk to someone about your feelings! Good luck!

Sorry you are going through all this.

I agree with everyone too... Both of you should go talk to a doctor together!
Tell him all this and he or she might even be able to recommend a therapist that you can just talk to about your intimacy fears.
Even if you go see the person a couple times, it'll help...

Hang in there and be strong!
Everything happens for a reason and this will only bring you closer to your fiance... it'll strengthen that special bond that you have.

Best of Luck!
~Deb

I have nothing to add that others haven't said. Just go to the doctor, everything is propbably fine but go just in case.

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Posted by pinkgirl
You should not feel ashamed, you did what you needed to do. And in my opinion, that is much better then brining a child into this world that you aren't able to support, financially or emotionally or whatever, because you weren't ready. You did what was right for you

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I couldnt agree more!!


We, too, have had this discussion and im not ashamed to say we came to the same conclusion. NO baby before the wedding (ceremony). No matter what.

To be safer use both the pill AND A CONDOM!! The only 100% safe way is just NOT to have sex at all though.

Breakthrough bleeding seems (by the other posts) to make sense.. but lets not forget your own stress can cause Breakthrough Bleeding. If it's been a while since you've been on the pill or your first time with it, Breakthrough bleeding is completely natural. I even think it's on that stupid tiny paper they send with the pills (I read it once all the way through).

See a doctor and find out what's what.

Tons of Hugs.. hang in there.

As everyone said, you should see a doctor about the bleeding.

But on the other issue (scared to have sex) I think you might want to consider talking to someone--a therapist or a couples' counselor. Just because you made the decision and had the abortion doesn't mean that you don't still have emotional fallout from the experience. Abortion is a big deal--to both you and your FH--and it's hard to get over. I think it's completely normal that you guys are feeling scared. The whole thing is very recent for you. Just be kind to yourselves and each other, and maybe talking to a professional about your feelings would help.