NWR: Please help! Need opinions on the holidays...

It's a long one, I'm sorry but I need some guidance...

Ok, so my FH and I, who have been dating for 4 years, have the holidays all planned out because both of our families celebrate Christmas Eve big. So we decided that we alternate with whoevers family we are with for CE, we do the opposite family that year for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Easy enough...

So this year, I am with the inlaws for Thanksgiving and Christmas and we're w/ my fam for Christmas Eve. My FIL is going to be on a cruise w/ his lady friend for Thanksgiving, my FMIL passed away over ten years ago, so I offered to do Thanksgiving at our apartment for his 2 sisters and brother, niece and nephew and then I also invited my parents and brother. One of FH's cousin's invited us for Thanksgiving but it becomes absolute madness, their kids are not very well behaved and FH always leaves w/ a sore back because their son likes to give kidney punches to him at random and the parents never say anything, so I opted out and said we were having a small one here w/ my folks.

So I called my mom and invited her and she said that my cousin had already invited them and she had already responded yes. My response was, ok but it's 3 wks before so I really don't think it's going to screw up their menu planning, it's not like it's the week before. I totally get that she said yes to my cousin but, this is my first Thanksgiving that I am really hosting by myself and I guess I just assumed that my parents would be all for coming here. She started saying that I'm putting her on a guilt trip, which ok maybe I am, but again is it really that terrible that I would like to have my parents with me for my first Thanksgiving? Then my dad gets on the phone to say thank you for the invite but they're going to have to decline because as much as FH would like to spend a holiday with his brothers and sisters, so would my dad. I really am so hurt by all of this. I even gave the option then for them to at least come here for dessert and then it turned into, 'we're not traveling all over the island.' Meanwhile, when I was a kid we used to go to THE EFFING BRONX to my uncle's and then go to ALBERTSON for dessert to my aunt's.

I don't know, am I being selfish? I'm just trying to look at it from their perspective and I can't imagine telling my daughter, no sorry we can't make it to your house for Thanksgiving because our niece invited us before you.

I completely understand how you feel about the holidays. Every year I try to go to 2 places in one day and end up with one being disappointed we're leaving early and another annoyed that we came late. This year I decided to split the holidays like you are and I'm hoping it works better.

I would also be upset at my parents if I were you. I would definitely expect them to come to my house rather than anyone else's. Maybe you could talk to one of them (the more sensitive) and explain that it hurts your feelings that they won't come. I don't think our being unreasonable.

On the other hand you could try making it/enjoying a younger crowd for thanksgiving and do things that you couldn't normally do with your parents and family on thanksgiving. I know when I hang with my FSIL, sister, or cousins on the holidays we tend to have a little more fun with things that interest us and we can talk more freely and joke around more. One thanksgiving me and FH spent almost the whole time at my aunts in the basement with my cousins playing beer pong and we had a great time! Not saying that the family thing isn't fun- it can be - but its also a little more uptight if you know what I mean. If it were me and my parents were blowing me off I would make sure I threw a real party for thanksgiving, have a great time, and make sure to bring it up front of them every chance I get!

Hope things work out.

Thank you for the positive outlook. You're right, we definitely can make it a more laid back holiday and enjoy the youth that's there. Maybe get a good game of LCR going

Thanks again for the advice, and I'm glad to hear I'm not overreacting.