NWR: Rant about my Mom

First, let me say my mom and I do not have that close of a relationship. I'm the youngest of four; 2 brothers 1 sister, and my oldest brother and I are the only ones that all she ever does is criticize every single thing we have ever done. I am NOT open at all to my family in general about my life or business because often they just criticize people and never just keep their crappy opinions to themselves, and they ALWAYS have a crappy opinion when it has to do with anyone but themselves. Not to mention, my mom is famous i swear for b******g and complaining. My mom would be the person to say to me 'it's okay...' when I put on my dream gown and made nonstop jaws drop to annoy me.

So tonight my mom came with me when I took my son to get ice cream... in the car ride home while talking about our engagement party my mom had the nerve to say 'can I say something to you without you getting p.o'd at me?' then she continued to say to me 'I don't think you love john' and when I said what?! after being in complete shock for a moment, she's like you guys don't joke around with each other and barely act happy.

Now I'm so mad because firstly I didn't ask her for her opinion so if she had nothing to say, she should have kept it to herself, or two she was downright inappropriately rude with nothing legit to back up her feelings. FH and I both are very closed about our lives, not to mention in her or my family's prescence it's ALWAYS high stress to no end so it's easier to just keep quiet go in, get whatever done, and be done. No matter what I do with my son, I'm always doing it wrong, and get in the middle of us trying to parent, even though let me say she and my father are definitely NOT parents of the year by any means. I love them, but they are definitely not good together and at times they ****** as parents. They hardly talk unless they are bickering... but wait, they love each other? She used my sister and her ex husband as an example saying how they used to joke, at least they were happy together so they 'loved' each other... I reminded her how they were SO happy together that four years after they were married they were separated and with other people who DID make them happy. Heck, I'm closer to FH's family than I am my own.

There isn't a single other person who thinks I don't love FH; we've been best friends since 8th grade and are so happy together when the annoying people like my family leave us alone, it's when we're with other people we lose our minds. I'm so annoyed that my mom even opened her mouth to begin with to criticize something else she has no fing idea about, as if her life is perfect or as if her and my father ever really get along. God knows if FH and I were joking with each other or hanging on each other nonstop in her presence, she'd say we didnt' love each other because we were too immature. How can you form an opinion of two people's love for each other by how they act in the presence of other people, especially with how quiet we are in general?? Sometimes I just can't win, and I'm so sick and tired of her crap.

I'm so irritated and just can't believe it. Why do people speak when they have nothing nice to say especially when they are the LAST person on earth who should be saying something negative?! Needless to say, regardless of her stupid thoughts that spews, nothing will change between FH and I, we are literally the two people who make each other so happy. It just annoys me that instead of supporting and offering help and being excited like she was for my sister, and brother, she is so uninvolved and rude to me and if she wants to be that, it's fine, but it's like if she's going to be snotty, she should just butt out and not bring me down.

Ugh I'm so irritated and slightly hurt i guess that my mom could be so flat out rude..

Sorry I just had to rant... does anyone else have issues like this, or am I like a rarity?

Sorry you are going through this
I don't have the same issues with my mother but I have a lot of issues with my mother....she has a narcissistic borderline personality disorder She is verry very difficult to be around....only cares about herself and is a very toxic person. To illustrate, on my wedding day she called me and my sisters up and told me she couldn't make it to the wedding because her brakes failed. She did the same thing on the day of my bridal shower (my sisters gave me my shower-she did not take part at all), and then showed up very late to it. (There was nothing wrong with her car). You see, she realized those days were not about her, so she tried to make it about her... I could go on and on about her but but...I have learned two things:

1) Your mother, whatever she is or isn't, isn't going to change...the only thing we can change and control is how we react to her/them...

2) The best way to deal with people like this is to limit your contact with them as much as you can, even if it is a family member (damage control).

With your mother, it is very hard but I would try to step back and NOT react the next time she says something to upset you. Ask her instead (calmly) what makes her say so-and-so. See how she acts when you don't react as you usually do. I don't know you or your mom obviously, but maybe if you react differently, she will too.

GL...I know it's not easy!!!

I am so sorry for the way your mother treated you. It is really awful for to make you feel that way. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and can see through her comments and realize that she obviously is the one with the issues. It is your mother though and as you said she should be the LAST person to say such rude things...Im glad your close with FH's family....and remember you , and have your own family now...you, FH, and your son

it makes me CRAZY to read stuff like this!! I don't understand people sometimes. To say something THAT hurtful... i just don't get it. It doesn't seem like there was any way it was 'called for'. I'm so sorry. I wish there was something i could say to help, but I just don't know. Hang in there and try not to take things personal. It seems like her criticizing definitely has more to do with HER than it does you. If i were in the situation that you are, I'd definitely feel hurt by this and would try to stay away from her as much as possible. That doesn't mean to cut her out of your life completely, but just limit the times you ARE together (especially one-on-one like that). Obviously you two don't seem to have real deep and meaningful conversations anyway. So just keep your space as much as possible. That's my opinion anyway.