Obese Parent/Parent who Smokes

Who can relate to this? Have you tried anything that worked?

My mother is very overweight. She doesn't smoke anymore, but I thought maybe brides with parents who smoke might relate. I love my mom so much and I worry about her health. I don't think she gets enough exercise and I'm not sure how much she eats, but she definitely doesn't take care of her weight problem or attend to it. I know sometimes she doesn't exercise at all for periods. Sometimes she'll go for walks.
She doesn't put time into making herself look nice, she's not interested in trying on dresses or wearing any makeup. I know some women just aren't, but I really think it comes down to not feeling good about herself and avoiding the issue.
I've tried to talk to her about my concern for her health and that I want her to live a long life. She changes says 'ok' and quickly changes the topic.
There's nothing really to be said, I don't think I have any control over this, I've already tried to talk to her about this a number of times. Sometimes she even seems annoyed by me bringing it up.
Of course I'd love for her to start taking an interest in how she looks and I think that goes hand in hand with feeling better about herself, but I'm also so worried that it's only a matter of time before she has serious life threatening complications.

It's hard when people you care about don't seem to care about themselves. It's only natural you worry about her. I've found that people will get very defensive and upset because they are ashamed/embarrassed/upset with themselves. Until they make the choice that they want to change, it's like talking to a brick wall.

My sister is the same way - she is very overweight, and doesn't want to do anything about it. Meanwhile, our mom is diabetic, and at least 4 other people in our families have diabetes. But she doesn't care. And it's not like she is happy with the way she looks, she's just not ready to make the commitment to change. Maybe she's lazy, maybe she's afraid of failing. I don't know, but even though I worry a lot of about her, I know that I can't get her to try. It's frustrating. Just hang in there and be there to support her when she's ready.

I have a similar issue. DH needs to lose weight and I worry about his health because he already has high blood pressure. I only buy healthy food, but I can't control what he eats/how much especially when he's not home.

The person just really has to want it for themselves, I think. It's a hard thing to deal with because of the consequences of obesity. I always try to find healthy options to make for dinner for DH. Maybe you can cook for your mom? Make her some meals or snacks that are healthy?

I have this problem with my dad but he always makes himself look nice and dresses nice but I worry about him constantly when it comes to his weight. He blows me off and when I lived home, I have even went as fair as returning or donating crap that he bought food shopping. I have begged him, pleaded with him and nothing works. Unfortunately, they have to be the ones who want to do it, and there is nothing that can be done. I even called him the other day because I had a dream that he passed away, when I woke up, it felt so real. I called him and told him and he said he would try. Fast forward to 2 days later when I stopped by and there was a ridiculous amount of unhealthy snacks he just bought.

I know how frustrating it is but if your mom doesnt want to do it, she isn't going to. The more you harp on it, the less she will probably listen. In the past, I have offered to go on walks with my dad and he has gone so maybe try something like that. Make it about quality time with your mom rather than exercising. HTH!

I can totally relate. Both my parents smoked 4 packs a day for nearly 35 years. My father finally stopped when he got the flu about 18 yrs ago. Mom stopped 16 yrs ago this month.
All before she stopped smoking, she tried 4 times. I was 7 months pregnant with my son when she finally stopped. She tried the patch, we went on vacation with smokers, and she forgot her patched, we thought she was going to start again. To our amazement, she just went cold turkey. The unfortunate part is that she gained so much weight that, when my son was born a few months later, she couldn't even pick him up. From her smoking, stopping and then the weight gain. She finally went on Weight Watchers and lost A LOT of weight.
She did keep the weight off for a long time, but now it's creeping its way up again. They will stop the smoking, they will loose the weight, but only when THEY are ready. I know with my mom, she had some depression, so that only made her eat more. She knows we all love her, but it is ultimately up to them when they are ready. I know joining weight watchers with her when I lived with her helped. I tell her now, she has to fit in to a dress for my wedding, and she needs to start yesterday!

I can relate to your worry and concern. But as someone who is formerly overweight, I can tell you that all the 'concern' in the world is not going to help. What helped for me, is when people accepted me the way I was. It was then that I realized I needed to change. I lost 300 pounds in the course of 18 months, trust me, my life is completely different. But the more people talked to me about my weight the more I ate and gained. Like I said it was only when people left me alone that I was able to see myself and how unhappy I was and decide to make the change that I needed to make.
I know it is hard, because you love these folks and you want them healthy and around for a long time. But as the person who was on the receiving end of these conversations for most of my life, it does not help. We can see what is 'wrong' with us. We know we need to lose weight/quit smoking/exercise more. But at the time, it seems insurmountable and overwhelming. Sometimes it takes a scare for people to make a change. That was part of it for me.
I know what I am typing does not make sense. But what I am trying to get accross, is to love the person you care about. Let them know that you are there for them. But don't point out their 'problems.' Trust me, they know what they are. Enjoy the time you spend with them and they may eventually decide to change their life on their own.

I definitely relate. My mom was not obese, but overweight with a total disregard to her health. She's diabetic, but never took meds or went to the doctor. Everytime I talked to her she'd brush me off.

Well, last summer she ended up going into chronic heart failure and kidney failure, causing her to spend 1 month in the hospital. She's now on dialysis 3 times a week, and trying to get on the list for a kidney transplant.

She wishes she could go back and change her ways. But now she has to live with the fact that her complete disregard for her health has significantly impacted her life. SO, i know it's hard, but try to give your mom some tough love. Looking back, I wish I had done that myself.