Did you and FH go alone to your appointment with your priest, rabbi, officiant? Or did your parents or his parents join you? BTW, we're both in our mid 30s.
I'd really appreciate any feedback you have. Am I being unreasonable? I don't want to offend anyone on either side of the family.
Hmmm...While it's very nice of your fmil to offer to go with you, I think that's one appointment that should be strictly you and your fh.
What if you go alone for the first appointment, and then, if his schedule permits, your fh goes with you to the follow up appointments?
In our case, my husband and I were the only ones that met with my Rabbi. At no point did he ask to meet my husbands family, but he did ask him questions about his parents, how he was raised, etc. (he didn't need to ask me this because he Batmitzvahed me, and has known my family for 15 years). While a big part of our meetings focused on the traditions and explanataions of the wedding ceremony, the main objctive was for the Rabbi to get to know us, and to see us interacting as a couple. Obviously the better he gets to know you and your fh, the more personalized your ceremony will be.
Ok, I don't think I answered your question at all...sorry for the rambling. Whatever you decide, good luck to you!
ETA - sorry, I totally missed that part, I think that who you select as your officiant should DEFINITELY be your decision and your fh's - no one elses. This is the person that is marrying you guys, and you should absolutely go with someone that you both agree on. I think that's a very personal choice - you both obviously have to feel comfortable with him/her, and have a certain level of confidence in them as well....
jaep129
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Re: officiant question and family involvement??
We went alone. I never heard of parents going. I would tell her thanks but no thanks. Unless she is really pushing to go. This is something you need just you and FH b/c then you let them know what the parents are like...lol. Our priest wanted to know if my mom or his mom are going to try to run the show. It was funny but I got to answer it truthfully b/c they were not there with us. Good luck!
CMS
Posted:
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Re: officiant question and family involvement??
I think this is couples only appointment. I can understand why your FH would want his mom to go, but at some point, you have to be an adult and do things on your own.
CC11208
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Re: officiant question and family involvement??
Thank you for all your replies. I really appreciate them. You've all echoed what I've been thinking. I did call the officiants recommended by our RH and spoke to the rabbi tonight on the phone. I found out that they usually make all arrangements by email and phone conferences, since I'm considered an 'in-house bride' by the RH, so my worrying may be moot at this point. I spoke w/ FH and he still would want his parents to meet the rabbi, but said that he'd be ok w/ us meeting him first alone. Which is what I wanted in the first place. But if we don't have a face-to-face meeting, then my craziness is all pointless.
