Officiate Dilemna...already!

I'll try to get this out short and sweet...

My mother is a minister and has told me that she would love to perform the ceremony. I think that would be wonderful, however my mother will not marry a couple if she hasn't counseled them, nor does she marry couples who've had counseling under others (unless it's extremely extenuating circumstances). I'm not real comfortable with my mother giving us pre-marriage counseling. She says she will keep things separate but still...there's just some things mom shouldn't know. KWIM? LOL

I've been thinking this over and really the only thing I can think of is using the fact that FH is in another state. I was thinking to go to where he lives (I don't mind the traveling) for marriage counseling since I'll be moving there once we get married although the wedding will be up here. That would qualify for 'extremely extenuating circumstances' wouldn't it?

Thoughts?

Well, I don't know your mother, but I know mine.

I would not trust her to 'keep it seperate'

In fact I think it gives her an arena to ask us uncomfortable questions that she wouldn't feel comfortable asking just any old time.

thats tough, I would definitely search else where, marriage is sacred and best kept between the 2 partners.

Outside counsel is your best bet

Yeah, I wouldn't go for that either. Some things should be kept private (and I'm not just talking about bad things).
Good thing you actually have a valid excuse, so you don't need to really lie to her.

Thank ya'll so much!!

It's refreshing to know that I'm not the only one to feel like she may not be able to totally separate. LOL I mean, it would be REALLY hard for me to do so if the situation was reversed. Hey, I'm just being honest here. Personally, I think that could potentially cause problems in our relationship because she'd be privy to some things that may bite us later.

No! period. The things that she would speak to you need to be opened up to with someone who does NOT know you...they always have the best/honest words for you.

I really think youneed to think this thru~and maybe find someone else

I would ask her if you could go to someone else for counselign b/c of the distance issue??? If she says no then I would kindly tell her that I would love for you to marry us but if you will not let us go somewhere else for counseling then we are sorry but will have to find someone else....

DO NOT let her counsel you. That would be awkward and uncomfortable and your parents should never be privy to some of the information that will be shared. So for your's and FH's own good don't let her do the counseling.

Good luck!1

Mom as counsellor?


Hell no.

dumb question from a non-catholic... what exactly happens in these pre-marriage marriage counseling sections? What types of questions are asked?

Nope--no way--no how---not in a million years.

I know she means well--but when you get into counseling you have to really get into some deep issues and how you handle each other, finances, fights, sex, etc.

I'd rather stick a hot poker in my eye than talk to my mom over that stuff with DH there and have her 'counsel' us. Its too weird for me.

Go with your idea--get pre-marriage counseling thru where your FH lives. Just tell your mom that its a nice gesture--but you really don't want her having to 'work' during your ceremony and you want her there as an observer vs. a participant.

Yep I so agree!

I was talking to my brother about it and we both agreed that our mother knowing about our finances would just set us up for numerous hints at 'offerings'.

I'm actually feeling a lot better about this. Before I was feeling a little guilty thinking I was over reacting.

As far as what happens in premarital counseling...well there's an IN DEPTH look at whether the two of you are suited to get married. There are questions about your finances, spiritual interests, religious background, childhood, family involvement, job, childrearing technique/approach, outlook for your marriage, your wedding day, social expectations, sexual/intimacy expectations, mental health, general health, medical background...there's a whole lot of things that go into it. It's really deep and focused. Definitely not for the faint at heart. I'm convinced that premarital counseling is marriage bootcamp. If you (your relationship) can survive that...then you can pretty much survive anything that comes at you!