Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

LuvMyAlfonse Posted: Apr 05, 2007 10:49 AM

Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

So, my friend is engaged and getting married in Spring of 08...

She took the state trooper exam like 5 yrs ago and just received a letter that she's being considered. If she passes all prelims she'll be admitted to the class which starts, you guessed it, Spring 08.

So if she made it to the class - she would have to postpone her HM and be gone for 6 months (it's a 25 week class upstate). She is excited b/c it's a good job - excellent pay, excellent benefits. BUT, chances are, she and her FH would have to move upstate. Even indefinitely b/c she could get assigned to an upstate county.

She hasn't talked to her fiance about it b/c she's afraid. But, what would you do?

I mean, I said go for it. How many girls out there have moved to be with their military man? Or 'put up with it' while he's away? Why, b/c she's a woman, should there be a problem?

Especially if the FH could find work pretty much anywhere?

Kimbalina Posted: Apr 05, 2007 10:51 AM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

I would tell him immediatley. If he can work anywhere this would be a great start for not only them, but for her and her career too!

kahlua716 Posted: Apr 05, 2007 10:52 AM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

She definitely needs to talk to her FH....but if its something she really wants he should understand and do what needs to be done. Does he have a flexible job that he could do anywhere? (IE- he could not move upstate and be FDNY)

We talked about this in Pre-Cana and both said we'd move for the other. Regardless of the job situation- they should have this discussion.

Jesses Girl Posted: Apr 05, 2007 10:53 AM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

Posted by Kimbalina

I would tell him immediatley. If he can work anywhere this would be a great start for not only them, but for her and her career too!

i agree....i am making sure i have a career that i can do anywhere bc FH cant leave NY with his job...

i think it goes both ways...and she should tell him. thats a great start to their lives together.

for better or worse.

FancyMe1018 Posted: Apr 05, 2007 10:56 AM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

I would def. included my FH on this situatuion its an important to let your loved one most of your problems before the seriously blow up ..

Snowflake08 Posted: Apr 05, 2007 11:05 AM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

i would tell him right away
i would not worry about a HM, just not important but if this is what she wants and has been waiting for, she has to go for it

ZKAT22 Posted: Apr 05, 2007 11:07 AM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

I would definately tell him. Chances are that he knew she had applied and there is no reason why he wouldn't be happy for her.

Belongs2DanBuckley Posted: Apr 05, 2007 11:11 AM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

I would tell her to speak to him because its going to effect him as well but it really should be a non issue....if he loves her he will suuport her...can his job be relocated as well?

Autumn08 Posted: Apr 05, 2007 11:16 AM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

This is a decision that she has to make with FH and they both much be comfortable with it. It's a great opportunity for them. If the problem is because she is a woman and he doesn't feel as if he should wait for her then I hate to say it, but I just don't think it's a good enough reason.

AMGBride2008 Posted: Apr 05, 2007 11:17 AM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

She needs to speak to him immediately. The longer she waits the more of an issue it may become (he'll be mad that she knew this and waited so long to tell him).

Did her FH know that she took this test and did he know that if she was got it, moving could become a possiblity? If he really wants to spend the rest of his life with her, than he'll be supportive, but she needs to understand too that this is a decision they have to make together....

What do you think Jenn?????

LuvMyAlfonse Posted: Apr 05, 2007 11:19 AM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

I think she brought it up and he shot it down without a discussion.

She didn't think she'd ever be called - according to her she scored poorly.

I feel bad for her..

cbcf Posted: Apr 05, 2007 11:23 AM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

Jenn I agree with you...why not go for it!!!!!!

She has this great oppurtunity and it isnt fair to just tell her NO or shot down her excitement like her FH did....

I agree I would definitely move for my FH (he is going to Japan in July and I would move there in a second for him however the Marine Corps said no since it is only a year haha its okay though he gets paid more since i cant go)

But its true women move for men why cant a man move for a woman...especially if this is her dream job!!!!

I hope it all works out for her

Belongs2DanBuckley Posted: Apr 05, 2007 11:27 AM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

i feel bad for her too...that's kinda stupid...if she wants to do this as a career then her FH should be supportive...my f-ing FH wants to be a rock star....I spent years trying to get it out of his head but it just pissed him off and he started to resent me...its not right....if that's her dream he should support her....

AMGBride2008 Posted: Apr 05, 2007 11:29 AM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

I think she brought it up and he shot it down without a discussion.

She didn't think she'd ever be called - according to her she scored poorly.

I feel bad for her..

Maybe before any decisions are made between her and her FH, she should go thru the prelims and then go from there.... KWIM?

beachbum05 Posted: Apr 05, 2007 12:21 PM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

I think a lot has probably changed in 5 years. is she sure she still WANTS to do this?

Also, I think she needs to sit and have a talk with FH - but realize that he might not want to talk about it at first.

If she didnt tell him she applied, he's probably going to be in shock and need some time to cool down.
But I think if this is what she wants she should totally do it.

Jasonsgirl Posted: Apr 05, 2007 12:23 PM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

That is awesome for her. She could get transform down here. I had a friend who worked up there and now he is down here. She might not work that far that she could still live here and just do the drive. She should tell the FH, i'm sure he will be happy for her. She is going to make great money. GO HER

Mizzdimple Posted: Apr 05, 2007 12:24 PM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

I would tell him immediatley!!
SHe needs to get FH's input on it. The HM is not a big deal...but the fact that they may move...hey may be OK with it and she is stressin over nothing

ant n tilde Posted: Apr 05, 2007 12:49 PM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

i think they need to BOTH be 100% willing to move - otherwise that can cause resentment later on and that is NOT how you want to start your marriage. . . regardless if the man or the woman is the one who needs to relocate.

Marriage IS about compromise - but as human being we can say 'yes' to something and then resent our spouse because of it. I know that if I moved far from my family I would totally resent FH because I am close to them. Maybe later on I will be willing to make that move but right now, it would be a really hard decision for me!

Soon2BMrsD Posted: Apr 05, 2007 01:52 PM

Re: Oh boy! What would you do? LONG PROBLEM.

she needs to speak with her FH about it... i kinda have the same problem. with FH taking the Suffolk test we wouldnt be able to go on our honeymoon either... but th way i look at it is... its OUR future and its the best for the both of us... if i was her i say take the job it'll be worth it in the end! Good luck to your friend thats a great job!