Oh no! more Drama!

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Posted by HSsweethearts

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Posted by BlushandBashful

Yikes. I think you owe it to him to explain to him why he can't come. You probably didn't mean to, but it sounds like you MAY have led him on (just like Bella does to Jacob). It's without a doubt inappropriate for him to be at your wedding.

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Yeah..I'm an idiot. I'm pretty touchy with most of my guy friends...I've always been, and since I've known this guy most of my life, I'm VERY comfortable with him. We never did much of anything in the sex dept, so I don't really see it that way. When we were out he was saying 'oh people probably think we're a couple' and I was like 'Let them think what they want'... I just thought he was like commenting on the situation..I didn't realize it meant something different to him. I was seriously dumb. In retrospect it's like 'how did you NOT realize this'....

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I'm surprised how well your FH took the situation. I think mine would have killed both me AND the guy.

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Posted by HSsweethearts

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Posted by BlushandBashful

Yikes. I think you owe it to him to explain to him why he can't come. You probably didn't mean to, but it sounds like you MAY have led him on (just like Bella does to Jacob). It's without a doubt inappropriate for him to be at your wedding.

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Yeah..I'm an idiot. I'm pretty touchy with most of my guy friends...I've always been, and since I've known this guy most of my life, I'm VERY comfortable with him. We never did much of anything in the sex dept, so I don't really see it that way. When we were out he was saying 'oh people probably think we're a couple' and I was like 'Let them think what they want'... I just thought he was like commenting on the situation..I didn't realize it meant something different to him. I was seriously dumb. In retrospect it's like 'how did you NOT realize this'....

ETA: We even had a Bella/Jacob convo where I was like 'If I have to choose, I choose him..It's always been him'


Sorry that reference is on my mind because I just watched New Moon again..LOL

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Honestly, I'm shocked you are having those types of discussions with a man other than your fiance. Does your fiance know that?

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Posted by BlushandBashful

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Posted by HSsweethearts

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Posted by BlushandBashful

Yikes. I think you owe it to him to explain to him why he can't come. You probably didn't mean to, but it sounds like you MAY have led him on (just like Bella does to Jacob). It's without a doubt inappropriate for him to be at your wedding.

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Yeah..I'm an idiot. I'm pretty touchy with most of my guy friends...I've always been, and since I've known this guy most of my life, I'm VERY comfortable with him. We never did much of anything in the sex dept, so I don't really see it that way. When we were out he was saying 'oh people probably think we're a couple' and I was like 'Let them think what they want'... I just thought he was like commenting on the situation..I didn't realize it meant something different to him. I was seriously dumb. In retrospect it's like 'how did you NOT realize this'....

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I'm surprised how well your FH took the situation. I think mine would have killed both me AND the guy.

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I know. FH is AMAZING that way. But he's also known about this guy all along. I remember when FH and I first started dating I gave him the following speech

'I have male best friends. I cuddle and flirt with them. They are just friends. I will not stop. If you have a problem with this, we should break up now'

FH accepted it from the beginning. I think if I invited the ex to the wedding he would absolutely murder us both in that case.

The ex has been contacting me lately because he'll be in town next week for a few days and last time I was all 'OMG yay, let's make plans' and we spent almost every day together and now my response to 'I'm in NY next week' has been 'cool'. FH has resolved to never tell me what to do or who to be friends with, but I think he'd be pretty unhappy if I saw the guy...and I don't really want any more complication in my life a month before my wedding. The problem is I'm so stupid, like I just keep wanting things to go back to the way they were when we were kids and bff. I miss him. That's why I keep getting ****** into a bad situation...

I don't even know how to address this with him....

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Posted by BlushandBashful

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Posted by HSsweethearts

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Posted by BlushandBashful

Yikes. I think you owe it to him to explain to him why he can't come. You probably didn't mean to, but it sounds like you MAY have led him on (just like Bella does to Jacob). It's without a doubt inappropriate for him to be at your wedding.

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Yeah..I'm an idiot. I'm pretty touchy with most of my guy friends...I've always been, and since I've known this guy most of my life, I'm VERY comfortable with him. We never did much of anything in the sex dept, so I don't really see it that way. When we were out he was saying 'oh people probably think we're a couple' and I was like 'Let them think what they want'... I just thought he was like commenting on the situation..I didn't realize it meant something different to him. I was seriously dumb. In retrospect it's like 'how did you NOT realize this'....

ETA: We even had a Bella/Jacob convo where I was like 'If I have to choose, I choose him..It's always been him'


Sorry that reference is on my mind because I just watched New Moon again..LOL

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Honestly, I'm shocked you are having those types of discussions with a man other than your fiance. Does your fiance know that?

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I was shocked too. It caught me off guard. Like I said we were having a great visit, doing shows, museums and he drops this bomb on me that he wants to be with me. I told him I care about him a lot, we're great friends, et etc, but I'm marrying FH.

FH knows ALLLLLLL about it..

ETA : For 2 days I thought I had my childhood best friend back..then like an hour before that dinner I mentioned...BAM...

In my opinion, you should not invite someone to your wedding who would make your FH uncomfortable. You do not want your FH focusing on this guy the day of and having to worry if he'll say something that will upset him. Especially after you say this person did not act in respectful manner at the get together you had.

I feel exes of the bride or groom should not be invited in general, its a bit disrespectful. Unless it is a special situtation where you are still good friends and your FH has become friends with this person as well, and is completely OK with it.

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Posted by Rivera2be

In my opinion, you should not invite someone to your wedding who would make your FH uncomfortable. You do not want your FH focusing on this guy the day of and having to worry if he'll say something that will upset him. Especially after you say this person did not act in respectful manner at the get together you had.

I feel exes of the bride or groom should not be invited in general, its a bit disrespectful. Unless it is a special situtation where you are still good friends and your FH has become friends with this person as well, and is completely OK with it.

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He's NOT invited. The question is. Do I explain it to him, or just let it go....


ETA: And I know I'm a complete idiot. I just have a lot of guy friends who hug me, we walk arm in arm, one friend calls me 'hot jenn', as a joke/pet name and there's NO threat. I have another ex bf who I can talk about ANYTHING with, so I was too comfortable and not at all prepared. So yes, I know I'm a complete idiot. I also know FH is a SAINT for putting up with me. I just need to find a way to handle the situation because I'm panicking.


I beat myself up over the situation for WEEKS after the visit because ultimately I felt like I hurt two people I cared about. I didn't do it intentionally, but I felt guilty. I know he was totally int eh wrong and should have really kept his feelings to himself at this point since that ship has long since sailed, and it was a really a-hole thing of him to try to butt in 5 mons before the wedding, so I definitely question the friendship at this point, but I still feel like I could have been smarter and avoided the whole entire thing.

Sorry i mis-read it!

Sounds like you have been friends a long time, so I'd say have a conversation with him about it. He admitted to still having feelings for you, so he knows the situation is awkward and should respect your decision.

My honest opinion... This is completely weird. I am sorry, I would never invite an ex to my wedding in the first place. I think what he said was completely disrespectful... you need to let this guy know that he was out of line and that you are not interested in churning up thoughts of a relationship that happened umpteen years ago!!

If you already sent an invitation, you should be a little more forward than 'Do you really think it's a good idea to come to the wedding?'

If you did not send an invite yet... why do you feel the need to justify this? He was completely disrespectful of your relationship with FH.

Also, the Bella/Jacob reference.. you are getting married to someone you have been with for 12 years!! How are ex's even RELEVANT at this point??

Best of luck, sometimes you seriously need to just let it go. I am a fan of getting rid of unwanted drama and people who cross lines.

Did NOT send an invitation, but he's assumed he's invited all along since we're close friends.

He's not relevant as an ex. We dated for a VERY short period of time when we were in HS, but we were best friends for YEARS before that and for the 12+ years since then have been trying on and off to be best friends again with varying success.

I don't really believe in the cutting off exes thing as a general rule. One of my exes is a reader in our ceremony. He's one of my closest friends and is friends with FH, I get along well with his gf, all is good. So that's why the situation didin't ring an automatic red flag.

He knows it's effed up. So you think I should just let it go and hope he understands that he a-holed his way out of an invite?

You've put yourself in quite a pickle. I would definitely say he deserves to hear from you especially since it's taken you since january to decide it wouldn't be appropriate for him to attend your wedding.

I see you're getting married in June so I assume your wedding invites have already gone out? Did he get an invitation? If so, then you definitely need to talk to him about this seeing it's only a month before your wedding and by now, OOT guests would definitely have gotten a plane ticket or arranged some form of transportation.

**Just saw invites haven't gone out, but my stance stays the same. He may have been an 'a-hole', but we all play parts in these types of situation so it's time to man up and let him know. The less drama the better on your special day

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Posted by HSsweethearts

Did NOT send an invitation, but he's assumed he's invited all along since we're close friends.

He's not relevant as an ex. We dated for a VERY short period of time when we were in HS, but we were best friends for YEARS before that and for the 12+ years since then have been trying on and off to be best friends again with varying success.

I don't really believe in the cutting off exes thing as a general rule. One of my exes is a reader in our ceremony. He's one of my closest friends and is friends with FH, I get along well with his gf, all is good. So that's why the situation didin't ring an automatic red flag.

He knows it's effed up. So you think I should just let it go and hope he understands that he a-holed his way out of an invite?

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If it were me... I would not invite him nor would I explain why. IMO.. he knows he is out of line and I would seriously be PISSED that he acted like that... I would not have any sort of want to see him ever again!!!

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Posted by foodgirl785

You've put yourself in quite a pickle. I would definitely say he deserves to hear from you especially since it's taken you since january to decide it wouldn't be appropriate for him to attend your wedding.

I see you're getting married in June so I assume your wedding invites have already gone out? Did he get an invitation? If so, then you definitely need to talk to him about this seeing it's only a month before your wedding and by now, OOT guests would definitely have gotten a plane ticket or arranged some form of transportation.

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I decided in january...I just kind of skirted the issue with him...like 'Don't you think it would be a bad idea...?' and he said he wouldn't miss it for the world since I'm his best friend, and then I felt bad and wanted to cry. I just didn't send him an invite...:-/

The post he responded to on facebook was about me complaining that people have not yet sent back responses, so he knows the invites are out. He made some comment about requesting whom to sit with. Maybe he's passively trying to bring up that he wasn't invited... I just don't know what to say...

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Posted by AugustFeather

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Posted by HSsweethearts

Did NOT send an invitation, but he's assumed he's invited all along since we're close friends.

He's not relevant as an ex. We dated for a VERY short period of time when we were in HS, but we were best friends for YEARS before that and for the 12+ years since then have been trying on and off to be best friends again with varying success.

I don't really believe in the cutting off exes thing as a general rule. One of my exes is a reader in our ceremony. He's one of my closest friends and is friends with FH, I get along well with his gf, all is good. So that's why the situation didin't ring an automatic red flag.

He knows it's effed up. So you think I should just let it go and hope he understands that he a-holed his way out of an invite?

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If it were me... I would not invite him nor would I explain why. IMO.. he knows he is out of line and I would seriously be PISSED that he acted like that... I would not have any sort of want to see him ever again!!!

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Yea, but I don't think he were the only person wrong in this situation. Like the PP said, she played a role in this situation, too. I think he deserves to know why she's cutting him out.

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Posted by AugustFeather

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Posted by HSsweethearts

Did NOT send an invitation, but he's assumed he's invited all along since we're close friends.

He's not relevant as an ex. We dated for a VERY short period of time when we were in HS, but we were best friends for YEARS before that and for the 12+ years since then have been trying on and off to be best friends again with varying success.

I don't really believe in the cutting off exes thing as a general rule. One of my exes is a reader in our ceremony. He's one of my closest friends and is friends with FH, I get along well with his gf, all is good. So that's why the situation didin't ring an automatic red flag.

He knows it's effed up. So you think I should just let it go and hope he understands that he a-holed his way out of an invite?

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If it were me... I would not invite him nor would I explain why. IMO.. he knows he is out of line and I would seriously be PISSED that he acted like that... I would not have any sort of want to see him ever again!!!

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Yeah., I can understand that. I am really angry about it. I don't really want him at the wedding. I don't really want to see him at this point but I don't want to hurt him either. As I mentioned in my last set of posts he does have a lot of issues going on in his life right now. I tend to just feel more sympathetic toward him than I would toward a random person. I've mostly been avoiding him since the trip, keeping my distance. He's called me a few times since his parents are literally both dying of cancer, and I try to be the best friend I can at those points, and then we might not talk for a month or more. I never even addressed how angry I am with him for how he acted. I feel like it would just be more painful to have that argument. I'm mainly angry with myself because I feel like if I had been colder to him or something he wouldn't have acted that way...then again had I been colder to him I would not have been myself.

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Posted by BlushandBashful

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Posted by AugustFeather

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Posted by HSsweethearts

Did NOT send an invitation, but he's assumed he's invited all along since we're close friends.

He's not relevant as an ex. We dated for a VERY short period of time when we were in HS, but we were best friends for YEARS before that and for the 12+ years since then have been trying on and off to be best friends again with varying success.

I don't really believe in the cutting off exes thing as a general rule. One of my exes is a reader in our ceremony. He's one of my closest friends and is friends with FH, I get along well with his gf, all is good. So that's why the situation didin't ring an automatic red flag.

He knows it's effed up. So you think I should just let it go and hope he understands that he a-holed his way out of an invite?

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If it were me... I would not invite him nor would I explain why. IMO.. he knows he is out of line and I would seriously be PISSED that he acted like that... I would not have any sort of want to see him ever again!!!

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Yea, but I don't think he were the only person wrong in this situation. Like the PP said, she played a role in this situation, too. I think he deserves to know why she's cutting him out.

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I was honestly just being myself. I'm very affectionate and I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I hadn't seen him in a long time and this is someone I care about a LOT. I think when he first came I practically leapt into his arms. I seriously thought NOTHING of it, but I should have realized. I really do blame myself. It doesn't excuse him for being COMPLETELY disrespectful.

Thanks for talking this out with me. I don't know if now is the time, but I think at some point I need to address the whole situation with him and let him know how much it hurt that he attempted to eff up my life.

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Posted by HSsweethearts

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Posted by BlushandBashful

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Posted by AugustFeather

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Posted by HSsweethearts

Did NOT send an invitation, but he's assumed he's invited all along since we're close friends.

He's not relevant as an ex. We dated for a VERY short period of time when we were in HS, but we were best friends for YEARS before that and for the 12+ years since then have been trying on and off to be best friends again with varying success.

I don't really believe in the cutting off exes thing as a general rule. One of my exes is a reader in our ceremony. He's one of my closest friends and is friends with FH, I get along well with his gf, all is good. So that's why the situation didin't ring an automatic red flag.

He knows it's effed up. So you think I should just let it go and hope he understands that he a-holed his way out of an invite?

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If it were me... I would not invite him nor would I explain why. IMO.. he knows he is out of line and I would seriously be PISSED that he acted like that... I would not have any sort of want to see him ever again!!!

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Yea, but I don't think he were the only person wrong in this situation. Like the PP said, she played a role in this situation, too. I think he deserves to know why she's cutting him out.

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I was honestly just being myself. I'm very affectionate and I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I hadn't seen him in a long time and this is someone I care about a LOT. I think when he first came I practically leapt into his arms. I seriously thought NOTHING of it, but I should have realized. I really do blame myself. It doesn't excuse him for being COMPLETELY disrespectful.

Thanks for talking this out with me. I don't know if now is the time, but I think at some point I need to address the whole situation with him and let him know how much it hurt that he attempted to eff up my life.

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Course. I hope it all works out for you.

I still don't know if'/how to explain it though