Ok another joke
My dear friends,
As the new year is upon us, my heartfelt appreciation
goes out to all of you who have taken the time and
trouble to send me 'forwards' over the past 12
months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure,
blessed, and wealthy.
Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat
crap in the glue on envelopes cause I now have to go
get a wet towel every time I need to seal an
envelope.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the
people who make these products are atheists who
refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because
it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could be pricked with a needle infected
with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from nor send packages
by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in
disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone
bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and
Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their 'chickens' are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will
change once I receive my free replacement pair from
Nike.
I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from
Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because at last
count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers
my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my
friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for
the 1,387,258th time)
I no longer have any money at all - but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and
AOL are sending me for participating in their
special email program.
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for
me that I will now return the favor!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a
wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at
5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of my
next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second
husband's cousin's beautician.
Sincerely,
Your E-Mail Buddy
As the new year is upon us, my heartfelt appreciation
goes out to all of you who have taken the time and
trouble to send me 'forwards' over the past 12
months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure,
blessed, and wealthy.
Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat
crap in the glue on envelopes cause I now have to go
get a wet towel every time I need to seal an
envelope.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the
people who make these products are atheists who
refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because
it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could be pricked with a needle infected
with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from nor send packages
by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in
disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone
bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and
Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their 'chickens' are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will
change once I receive my free replacement pair from
Nike.
I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from
Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because at last
count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers
my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my
friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for
the 1,387,258th time)
I no longer have any money at all - but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and
AOL are sending me for participating in their
special email program.
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for
me that I will now return the favor!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a
wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at
5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of my
next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second
husband's cousin's beautician.
Sincerely,
Your E-Mail Buddy
