Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

and granted I have much time to make final decisions, it seems like my perspective on this wedding has been changing (just read my photo thread). Anyways....we're supposed to be married by a good friend of ours who got ordained online. It's legal and blah, blah. Neither of us are religious, but we're both confirmed Roman Catholics. So we thought, lets have someone marry us who we feel knows us. Fine. But lately I have been thinking that I want a priest to marry us. I asked my grandmother to ask her priest if he would marry us at our reception hall and he said definitely. I know this would make my grandmother SO happy, and in my heart, even though I am not a practicing Catholic by any stretch of the word, in fact, I almost don't even consider myself Catholic anymore, I just feel like I always envisioned myself being married by a priest. No offense to our friend, but I just picture this horribly tacky ceremony where he screws up and we screw up and it's just words. I really want it to mean something when we say our vows, and I want someone up there with us who knows what he's doing. The problem is that JT doesn't seem to want to budge on this, but his reason is, 'But Darren is really looking forward to this.' I don't want to make him feel bad or anything, but the more I think about it, the less I think of this guy as our friend anymore. He doesn't call us, doesn't visit us, and we had to find out through the grapevine that he moved to Israel and won't be back for two years. JUST IN TIME FOR OUR WEDDING. That just makes me uncomfortable. I don't know. I think I just needed to get all of that out. Thanks.

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

Wow, I'm so sorry Sending hugs

I hope you and FH can both reach a decision on this that make you both happy.

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

Wow. I can't believe that the close friend that's suposed to marry you moved to Israel and didn't think of telling you. I kind of understand how you're feeling. I'm not religious AT ALL, and my FH doesn't even believe in any of the religious stuff, but I still want to get married by a priest. Same as you, I know how happy it would make our grandparents and family.
This is a tough decision you'll have to make. Does your FI still feel just as close with your friend? will he still be ordained in two years (I don't know if it 'expires' or something)? I wish I had some advise.

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

Thanks Marcia and Nancy. I know we will work something out, and I know that he is having a rough time with feeling like he has no friends these days, so I think his not budging has to do with that. I am just SO afraid of ending up with a BIG PARTY and not something that reflects our love and committment. I mean, afterall, how can a cake, flowers and presents say I love you? They can't. Geez, I have too much time on my hands these days to be worrying about these things.

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

Hey it's your wedding, you are totally justified to think and worry about it as much as you like.

I really hope you both can come to an agreement on this. Could plan on having 2 officiates. A local priest and you FH's friend both participate.

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

Lately, I have been thinking that I want to sneak off with JT and get married without telling anyone. Just so that it can be something completely special between me and him that no one would ever know about. Then we would let our friend marry us, and no one would know the difference. I don't know. I just love him so much and I fear that this will turn into something that takes away from that, not enhances it. I want it to be something that I can hold in my heart forever...and not because of the party, but because of the vows.

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

I understand completely..
We plan to get married this year.. and then again next year for the family's sake.



I hope everything works out for you.. remember as long as you have eachother it's all that really matters.

Im not religious by ANY means possible. Heck most refer to me as Agnostic. Still not sure if that's an insult or not. The whole priest thing never really mattered to me, but I would LIKE to have a priest there. So we are brining one to our ceremony at the reception hall.

You know.. I wish my grandfather could have married us. It would have meant so much. Unfortunately he died this month. Things happen. I know inside that as long as I am happy, my grandpa is.. and with all that I have survived.. take it from me. Life is entirely too short to worry about things that are meant to make you feel happy. Take the gift (love & marriage) for what it is.

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

Thanks for your words of wisdom Xelindrya

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

See, now, if I felt like this was a friend who would do anything for JT or I, then I would have absolutely NO worries about this guy marrying us. But it seems that he is not really our friend at all anymore. I just would feel VERY uncomfortable with him leading our ceremony. Like he was a total fake. I don't know what to do about the whole priest thing. I mean, I'm NOT religious. I do know how my family is though, and I will most likely bring my children to church, have them confirmed and then let them form their own opinions, as my parents did with me and my sister. I'm not going to deprive my children the experience of going to church just because I don't agree with it. Let them decided when they are ready. Lord knows my mother is not a Catholic anymore...she's Buddhist! So, I don't know what we'll end up doing. I am not so sure if these feelings are about having a priest, or about NOT having our friend perform the ceremony. Thanks for all the feedback!

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

Perhaps your friend can co-celebrate with a priest that way he gets to participate, but you also have part of your childhood wedding dream fulfilled.

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

I would have to say that I would feel more comfortable switching to the priest. If this other person is a freind he will understand. Also you can always make up fib and say that your Grandma was very upset blah blah blah and that you decided to switch to the priest to make her happy. I k now that is the easy way out but it might help FI feel more comfortable with the whole idead.

BTW is the only reason the priest doing your ceremony outside the church because he is your Grandma's frined? I have tried with no avail to get a preist to marry me at my reception hall and was told roman Cathoic priest can't do it.

Thanks and Good Luck

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

First of all, I think it is very nice that you are worrying about your FI's feelings about his friends, your grandparents, the friend having a good time (at your wedding CEREMONY!), and that the act of getting married is more important than the wedding celebration. I am sure if you looked you could find someone that you and your FI will both be happy with. You and your FI should be married by someone who you like and feel comfortable with and who you feel is going to impart a sense of importance into the ceremony. It is your wedding ceremony, so it isn't really the most important time for your friend to have fun so I think the friend would understand if you got a professional officiant - be it a priest, judge, etc - if he is a good friend. With regards to the priest, it is very natural for people to feel a greater connection to their religion at life cycle events like weddings, funerals, births of children, etc. Additionally, I know people are spending crazy $$$ and I am the last person to advocate anyone assuming debt for it, but I think there is a reason that almost every culture makes a HUGE deal out of weddings and a reason they are typically community events. So, I don't think having a party takes away from how important and meaningful gettign married is at all. It just gets easy to lose sight of what is important b/c the planning takes over - but when it comes together you will be thinking about your husband not the flowers.

Re: Ok, doing a lot of thinking about our wedding....(vent)

i hope it works out for you..
maybe JT could make him an usher or something if he feels' like best friends with him'.. that way the guy would still be involved, just with a different duty?