Ok girls I need advice on a really sticky situation

Jsquared279 Posted: May 06, 2008 10:36 AM

Ok girls I need advice on a really sticky situation

My whole life, my family has been super close friends with another family. They have two daughters one my age and one my sisters. So we basically grew up together. But as we grew up I grew apart from the daughter that is my age.

Fast forward to now. She just got engaged in March and is getting married in AUGUST! That is right, a 5 month engagement. Meanwhile her FH and she were together for about 3 years and they broke up in November of 06 and just got back together in January of 08 and are now getting married, before me I might add.

Ok so I have been invited to her Shower and her Bachelorette, basically as an obligatory invite. My sister and her sister are still close. So these events are during a weekend in July in North Carolina. So the Shower is on a Friday night, so I have to take the day off to drive down as it is a 6.5 hour drive. The Bachelorette party is on the Saturday. It is an ALLLL day thing, which will prove to be SUPER expensive. Their family has a lot of money and everything they do is extravagant.

Now, I want to go to the shower, stay over and then head back on the Saturday morning so I can hang with FH and do at least something fun that I want to do that weekend. But my sis and all the other girls are staying the whole weekend to do all the other activities. I am sure the daughter my age and her sister and her mom will come to my shower, but they wouldn't go to any other activities for me. So should I just go to the shower to make things balanced. Or should I spend about $500 that I don't have to do something I don't want to do just because they felt obligated to invite me and my family is making me feel obligated to accept?? Please help! I really don't know what do to and I need to RSVP like tomorrow! HELP!

GT143EA Posted: May 06, 2008 10:41 AM

Re: Ok girls I need advice on a really sticky situation

I would just go to the shower and leave the next day like you planned on doing. If you don't have the money you shouldn't feel obligated to do the other activities. Especially is this isn't a close friend of yours. Don't let anyone make you feel like you have to do anything you don't want to do.

michesq Posted: May 06, 2008 10:43 AM

Re: Ok girls I need advice on a really sticky situation

shower then leave. do not do anything you do not want to do. My mom sometimes makes me feel i am obligated to go certain palces or invite certain people to the wedding, etc. i tell her- no i'm not!- that is it. enjoy the shower then get back home to FH

aliska21 Posted: May 06, 2008 10:45 AM

Re: Ok girls I need advice on a really sticky situation

i hate things like that, i mean really are you best friends with her and talk to her all the time?
If not...than why would you spend $500 for smth you probably not going to even enjoy...
i wouldnt go if i were you...
just explain to them that you cannot go because of your wedding costs...i mean every dollar counts...and its true....well hehe at least for me right now

MaggieLuvsJoe Posted: May 06, 2008 10:48 AM

Re: Ok girls I need advice on a really sticky situation

I would just go to the shower or I would even just send her a gift for her shower and tell her you regret not being able to make it but had to work -- she should understand since you live in another state.

I definitely wouldnt spend all that extra $$$ to go out also

fabulousmady Posted: May 06, 2008 10:54 AM

Re: Ok girls I need advice on a really sticky situation

i think you should do exactly what you have planned. shower and then leave. dont feel obligated to be a part of everything they are doing. at least you are going to the shower. i think that is more than enough effort.

Kristina2009 Posted: May 06, 2008 10:59 AM

Re: Ok girls I need advice on a really sticky situation

I would also go to the shower and leave the next day. I think it is very nice to travel for someone's shower ad I am sure she will appreciate that!

bluegreen08 Posted: May 06, 2008 11:06 AM

Re: Ok girls I need advice on a really sticky situation

in this case, i wouldnt go to the bach party. if you want to go to the shower, go, but you could also send a gift and not attend. its on a friday night, you work, and you live hours away.... its not like you live around the corner

curiousity is getting the best of me: what is she doing for her bach party that will cost that much per person?

Jsquared279 Posted: May 06, 2008 11:24 AM

Re: Ok girls I need advice on a really sticky situation

Posted by bluegreen08

in this case, i wouldnt go to the bach party. if you want to go to the shower, go, but you could also send a gift and not attend. its on a friday night, you work, and you live hours away.... its not like you live around the corner

curiousity is getting the best of me: what is she doing for her bach party that will cost that much per person?

Ok so they are starting at 9am and getting a limo, which they are planning to have the limo an entire day literally from 9am to 2am. We are all splitting the limo which is $100 pp then we are going to a fancy spa day, which is great. I was going to just get a mani cuz it is the cheapest things at $40 but then we are all splitting cost of the Bride to Be's treatments which she will probably get three things done so I am assuming maybe $50 each for her treatments, then out to dinner at the melting pot, maybe $40 for my dinner and about $20 for the Future Brides, then gas to drive to NC and back approx $150 then out to drinks and dancing approx $25 depending on cover charges and plus a gift for the shower at approx $50, so that comes to about $475 total, which I really really don't have....

Marissa09Bride Posted: May 06, 2008 11:54 AM

Re: Ok girls I need advice on a really sticky situation

I think your idea is the best way to go. You're making the effort by traveling so far for the shower. There's no need to spend tons of money on the bachelorette party if you don't want to be there.

BeLissa Posted: May 06, 2008 12:13 PM

Re: Ok girls I need advice on a really sticky situation

I would def skip the bach. Personally, I wouldnt even go to the shower, but thats just me. If I felt as though it was an obligatory invite, what is the sense in me driving all the way down there and back for it? My time on the weekends is valuable to me, as i'm sure everyone's is, and while I would go above and beyond for a friend, I wouldnt go if I felt I was being invited out of duty. JMO. But that is really nice of you to consider going down there for the shower