Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

My mom called this morning saying I would be very angry if I knew what she did and of course I had to find out because I couldn't be left like that. She said she has been crying since yesterday because she and my MOH had been planning my shower (remember the one I know about yet is supposed to be a surprise) and she told my MOH that she would pay for it but do it privately and that she did not want under any circumstances to have her name put on the invitation. My mom is VERY old fashioned and was brought up that it was very tacky to hold a shower for your daughter. So of course, you know what my MOH did, she put on the invitations that the shower was being held by my mom and my MOH. My mom has been crying because she is so embarrassed!!! I told her that it was totally ridiculous to cry about it, no, I am not mad (I don't know why she would think I would be mad) and I told her that plenty of girls on LI Weddings had their mom help in the planning. ) She actually wanted me to post here and ask what your feelings were. I am sure my MOH did not want to leave my mom out because she is paying for it and never realized how old fashioned my mom is and how embarrassed she would feel. My mom does not want my MOH to know and I would never tell her how she was feeling. Please let me know your feelings on this.....good or bad!! THanks

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

well, for both of my sisters, we put that the shower was being held by the MOH (the sisters), but I do not think it is that big of a deal at all. I would not stress over it!

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

I don't think its a big deal. I would not think it was tacky if I received a shower invitation from the mother. I don't know what the etiquette police say about it but it wouldn't bother me. If your mother is really so upset and the invitations have not gone out, I would redo them. Just tell the MOH, she meant well so she shouldn't mind. I would hate for your mom to be uncomfotable at the shower that she worked on.

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

IMO, there is NOTHING wrong with a bride's mother giving her bridal shower. each person has individual circumstances, so really who has the right to say who should be doing what!? if i got an invitation with someone's mom's name on it, i wouldn't bat an eyelash. tell your mom just to ENJOY the shower and try to forget about it - NO BIG DEAL!

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

I see nothing wrong w/the shower invitation saying it's from your Mother. I think it's cute.
But if it's affecting your Mother so much that she's crying her heart out, I would redo the invitations. I agree, she worked so hard, she paid for it, she should not be sad and crying. I would talk to MOH and just explain to her nicely how your Mom feels and have her redo the invitations.

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

Tell your mom not to cry. It doesn't matter to the guests who is throwing the shower. It only matters that she be happy for you and your FH. Who is to say what is the proper etiquette these days? Everybody does what they want anyway. So don't cry mom,if your daughter is happy then you be happy to!

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

EVERY shower I have been to has been given by the bride's mother. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with it. Why would it be tacky? Not all bridal parties can afford to host a shower.

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

I totally agree with Miro.

My mom hosted and paid for my shower 100% and most people knew that. No one cared (although I do not think they put it on the invite). I think almost every shower I went to the mom paid and hosted it (I have been to a ton too!) Often the day of the mom kind of steps back and let's the BP do the work.

I think if you read the etiquette books you will see that is not proper. But I think that times have changed and the books need to be updated. I also think it is quite normal for the mom to host it esp. in the part on the country/NY we live in!

Tell your mom not to sweat it! No matter who hosts it or pays for it...it is all for the bridetobe....fill the shower with love, happiness and good friends and family and that is what is important!

We all send you mom some cheer up hugs!

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

My mom planned and paid for my whole shower. She never wanted the bridesmaids to have that expense. I hear alot about mothers hosting their own daughters shower. I feel there is NOTHING wrong with a mother wanting to do this for their daughter. I think it is wonderful!

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

Tell mom dont sweat it,stop crying.I dont think thats anything to get upset over.There are more difficult things in life to cry over then that.Hey i would be happy why not.

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

I think everyone that is from your moms generation that beleives what she believes, (your aunts, grandmother, etc) most likely have daughters, nieces, etc that know the 'new traditions' of today, and will know that there is nothing wrong with MOM being part of the shower.
Actually I think if it were ONLY MOH's name on it, people would think she did it all and didnt let your mom have input or something. I think that was a nice gesture of your MOH, not trying to take the spotlight and including your mom. I would have done the same, of course with NO bad intentions.

Good luck and let us know how mom is doing !

Tell her to smile, this is the happiest times of her life to enjoy with her daughter !



HUGS TO MOM

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

You are so lucky to have such a great mom - I have one very similar - please let her know what an amazing woman she is and that you love her and don't want her to stress over this!!

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

Thanks for all of the great responses. The invitations have already gone out so what is done is done. I told her it is great to have a mom who cares about celebrating with her daughter. I am sure she will still feel the way she does but hopefully she will be fine with it. I am sure that NO ONE is going to even realize that it is not the way to do it!

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

Your Mom is correct according to Emily Post-traditional etiquette no female relative should host a shower BUT with the rising costs of showers/weddings and the formality of showers many, many brides have showers hosted by their mothers and/or sisters. Both my mother and stepmother hosted my shower and their names were on the invites. Not one person I know thought it was improper or even odd.
Your Mom should not be embarrassed that she loves you sooo much that she wanted to help host your shower. Unless you are from a very etiquette driven family (and most people nowadays are not) no one will care or even notice. And with both names on the invite I think it just seems that your Mother is helping, not doing the entire shower.

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

Tell your mom to read this post.
Tell her NOT to feel embarassed! Its not her fault period the end. I wouldn't think anything of it. I think nowadays anything is ok, I wouldn't worry a bit

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

It's not tacky at all. My mom and my FMIL are paying for my shower. I don't see what the big deal is. As long as you tell her that you're fine with it, I'm sure your mom will feel better.

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

Fran's Mom: I just wanted you to know I think you're awesome. Today showers are expensive, no doubt about it, and having you mom's out there to lend a hand is more commonplace today then ever before. Please don't be embarrassed with your name on the invitation, take it as a way of letting those invited know you are a proud Mom willing to do anything for your deserving daughter, that helping out as you are is your way of doing your small part in ensuring she has a special day filled with love. I don't think anyone will argue with that one. Godo luck to you, you did a wonderful thing.

Re: Ok girls I need assistance again! Long sorry

My mom is completely planning my whole shower. No worries!