ok here's my dilemma

allornil Posted: Apr 07, 2010 09:41 AM

ok here's my dilemma

So as lots of you know, I've been with FH forever. We live together and have a house.

This wedding is making me nuts bc FH is a maniac.

Anyway, I promised FH Id book RH this month. last night I told him there's no way I'm booking anything until he calms the heck down.

Here's the deal. FH's cousin has a boyfriend that everyone hates. He tried to physically fight w her brother, lost his mind and ripped off his shirt in the middle of the road, screamed at everyone...bizarre rantings about being in Iraq as a soldier and called the entire family a derogatory word. They're Latin..so its easy to figure out what it was.

Anyway...shes still with this idiot and the family is just being civil.

Anthony HATES him. He says hes NOT inviting him to the wedding and if his cousin has a problem with it, she can shove it and he's not inviting her either. He says hes going to her parents and telling them this and they don't have to come either. He's starting drama already and I can NOT deal with it.

The idiot is invited in my book. I cant plan a 175-200 person wedding with Anthony acting like a child or a psycho. I have enough to deal with with having Crohns and dealing w my medical situation, and the house etc.

sigh...so, do I book it and hope he acts like a person or do I say no like Ive been doing?

allornil Posted: Apr 07, 2010 09:45 AM

Re: ok here's my dilemma

and yes I know its a weird situation. I just know that Anthony not inviting this jerk will cause all sorts of tension and make people upset and sad. They're a very close family and I know this is just a situation waiting to explode.

Thats-What-She-Said Posted: Apr 07, 2010 09:47 AM

Re: ok here's my dilemma

I'm sorry your dealing with all this.

the only thing I can say is better there be drama with this cousin before the wedding then at the wedding. If her boyfriend is such a loose cannon you can't count on him acting respectable the day of.

Besides if your really waiting for October of 2012, this boyfriend might not even be around by then. It's still over a year away. Try telling FH to just not make a big deal about it now, and then come August 2011 when invites get sent you can revisit the situation. But let him know you support his decision to not allow this fool there. I would never allow someone who insulted my family at my wedding. I don't care who it pissed off.

allornil Posted: Apr 07, 2010 09:49 AM

Re: ok here's my dilemma

Posted by FutureReinhart

I'm sorry your dealing with all this.

the only thing I can say is better there be drama with this cousin before the wedding then at the wedding. If her boyfriend is such a loose cannon you can't count on him acting respectable the day of.

Besides if your really waiting for October of 2012, this boyfriend might not even be around by then. It's still over a year away. Try telling FH to just not make a big deal about it now, and then come August 2011 when invites get sent you can revisit the situation. But let him know you support his decision to not allow this fool there. I would never allow someone who insulted my family at my wedding. I don't care who it pissed off.

we're booking October of 2011 btw. I just put that there when I signed up. You have no idea how bad this will get.

And he'll behave at the wedding. He's been behaving. He's just an azzhole. I hate him too but I don't have ti like him. He's not my bf.

I agree. I said they could break up but unless he does, she wont. After trying to physically fight w her brother in front of the family and pushing her father...if she hasn't done it yet, she wont.

futurestevens Posted: Apr 07, 2010 09:49 AM

Re: ok here's my dilemma

Posted by FutureReinhart

Try telling FH to just not make a big deal about it now, and then come August 2011 when invites get sent you can revisit the situation.

ITA. you can plan everything now and deal with the 'issue' next summer...if it's even still an issue.

sorry you have to deal with this though- family drama is never easy. there's really never a right thing to do because someone always winds up offended.

MikesBride2B Posted: Apr 07, 2010 09:50 AM

Re: ok here's my dilemma

Honestly...its a hard situation. I can see both sides...FSIL is horrific to me and I absolutely don't want her at the wedding...but not inviting her would cause huge amounts of real drama with his whole family and would make more people miserable than it would make happy (namely, just I would be happy).

I've ****** it up and decided to let it roll of my shoulders...after the wedding she is dead to me and I am choosing to never see her again.

Maybe your FH could make the same deal? Weddings make people crazy...

FutureMrsLots Posted: Apr 07, 2010 10:04 AM

Re: ok here's my dilemma

that's definitely rough. Even if you book now you still have a lot of time for things to settle. I'm sure his family is probably close, but if everyone understands what an idiot this guy is then I'm sure it won't be an issue and who knows if they are going to be together at the time of the wedding anyway.

allornil Posted: Apr 07, 2010 10:37 AM

Re: ok here's my dilemma

ok thanks everyone. My thoughts are that who knows what will happen with this idiot, but FH is impossible and brings it up constantly.

part of me wants to just say behave or no wedding.

ness83 Posted: Apr 07, 2010 11:29 AM

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allornil Posted: Apr 07, 2010 11:34 AM

Re: ok here's my dilemma

Posted by ness83

You have plenty of time to deal with this later on. Why would it cause so much drama if no one likes this guy? You'd think the only one that would be upset is the cousin. If I were you I'd go ahead with the planning because you don't want to have one person/situation ruin this happy time in your life. Plus if you put off your wedding and then you decide to go ahead with it you would have lost time to plan and will get stressed out trying to do everything with less time. Do you think that if this guy is invited it will cause other family members not to show up either?

it will cause problems with FH, but hes INSANE over it. He's irrational about it.

It WILL cause drama. This is a close family and the cousin involved is the primadonna of the family..the little princess. Everyone is civil to him...not super friendly but civil. Not inviting his closest Ant and uncle is going to be a bad thing. If we don't invite them NO ONE will come bc they'll be horrified by his actions.

Seriously, hes starting this off before we do anything and I just see a long trail of horribleness.

I may just yes him until the wedding but this is his fav conversation. Its getting old already and I'd rather talk about other things.

angelabarra12 Posted: Apr 07, 2010 11:35 AM

Re: ok here's my dilemma

i would still book it and not let that cousin or her boyfriend ruin your special day and this time you have with your fh!! because they are not worth your stress...and it will be such a relief for you to know you have a place set and for the fh too!! im sure if your whole fam saw how thiis guy acted they would understand why you wouldnt want him there..and cause another outburst like that! so maybe it is a good idea if the fh talks to her fam...but u do have to to deal with them and you never know maybe by that time he'll have changed...we can hope for the best

ness83 Posted: Apr 07, 2010 11:40 AM

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soontobmrsmike Posted: Apr 07, 2010 11:47 AM

Re: ok here's my dilemma

Honestly you just need to talk to your FH and tell him there won't be a wedding if he keeps acting like this.Sometimes people need a wake up call- maybe he doesn't realize how much it bothers you. I needed a reality check myself bc I was going overboard with the wedding. Nothing terrible just was consuming me every conversation was wedding. etc so i needed to get back to the old us before this whole wedding hoopla and its fine now. Just tell him your concerns and that you will not book until he calms down. I'm sure it will be fine!!! Keep your chin up!

rendel Posted: Apr 07, 2010 12:17 PM

Re: ok here's my dilemma

OMG, I have the same sitch!!! So my best friend had a b-day party on a limo and toured the wineries. Any way all of us went and thought it would be fun. So we are at the first winery and it's me, fh and my friends boyfriend, now husband and we are all standing there. Her man proceeds to say to me 'ren, don't you have to go to the bathroom' , I was like no then he repeated himself. So, I just went, when I got back I asked FH what that was about and he said oh, he wanted to look at some girl at the bar. I already hated in to begin with and now he is being a pig and ordering me around!!!! Second time that day, my bf was crying so I went outside to see if she was ok, but he was with her, no clue why and he says to be ' scoot and makes a hand gesture like I'm five to go away. Then he was like leave. OMG, I leave and Fh is like what happened and I told him he did it again!!! Fh stormed right up to him and was in his face!!!!! yikes it was bad!!! well anyway I totally hate him and he is my friends husband, we did go to their wedding and things were fine. It sux I don't want him at our wedding at all!!!!