ok, i need advice really long sorry

i'm a regular but posting under a fake name because i dont want any problems.

ok, last year when we were just starting to plan the wedding, my fh was talking to his cousin and she asked is she was going to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. he told her yes without asking me first. i DO NOT like this girl at all she is always nice to my face but then talks about me behind my back and has caused some problems between me and fh a couple years ago.

anyway, i was pissed that he said yes and we got into a big fight. he begged me to please just have her in the wedding, so i was like alright, whatever. so after that we havent heard from her in a while so i thought i was off the hook. but she called like 2 months ago and asked fh about it and he said she was in it.

i told her we were going to go look at the dresses on so and so date. she said she'll def. be there, she was so excited. now why she even wants to be in my bp is beyond me because we dont even really talk to each other or hang out, but anyway. the day before going i wrote her an e-mail to remind her we were going at 6 the next night. she didnt write me back but i didnt think anything of it. she didnt show up to look at dresses so i was pissed. the next day she comes over and tells me she 'forgot' i was like well we picked out the dress and it's going to be 160.00 and you have to put half down. she said ok.

the next day i write her a note saying i really dont think she forgot to come given that i had wrote her the day before and the day we went to remind her and i understood if she didnt want to be in the bp. this was about a month ago and i never heard from her. so fh askes me to ask her whats going on, i told him forget it she's out. he said just see. so me, like an *** wrote her today and asked if she was going to still be in it. no answer.

now i feel like an idiot because she must really think i want her in the bp and im begging her. which i could care less. what should i do now, should i write her an e-mail telling her shes out of the bp????? should i tell her we got the dresses already.

I think if you cannot get past it-- and not have her in the BP just cause FH wants her-- you need to toss her. Why does he want her in it so bad anyway??
You need to be surrounded by people who know you, support you.. and yes, that YOU like.

Send her another email and just say- listen, I don;t really feel like you are into this. It upsets me that you are not excited and do not join when there are BP functions like dress shopping.. Therefore, you think it is best if she is not in the BP, but will still be an important guest at the wedding.

You do not need this stress. And who needs to feel like sh*t because they have a BM who acts like they don't care and don't want to be there..

How old is she? Does she know what it means to be in a BP?

WOW... thats insane.. so sorry for you.. that should be the last thing you worry about.. your bp is there to support you. I would just email her stating that you have tried to get in contact with her but that because she has not responded you have to assume that she is no longer interested, so you had to order the dresses without her. Appoligise to her for any miscommunication (for your fh sake) and if she responds maybe delegate her something else to help with the wedding... it sounds like keeping her in your party will be a nightmare...

why not have your FH contact her and let her know that you're a little worried that she's not been in contact with you. There's no reason that you should have to keep track of her if she's related to him!

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Posted by randella



How old is she? Does she know what it means to be in a BP?

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she is 21. and my fh wanted her in it because he used to be really close to her but i explained that im not close to her and if she does this to me with going to look at dresses what is she going to do when i need her for more important things?? i dont need any stress

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Posted by gem9898

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Posted by randella



How old is she? Does she know what it means to be in a BP?

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she is 21. and my fh wanted her in it because he used to be really close to her but i explained that im not close to her and if she does this to me with going to look at dresses what is she going to do when i need her for more important things?? i dont need any stress

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Agreed-- I think you should email her or something.. then have FH call her like someone suggested above. He invited her to be in BP, not you-- he should have the awkward conversation.

How many BM's do you have?

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Posted by gem9898

i have 4 bridesmaids

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Including her? I would say if you had a big BP then she would get lost in the crowd and you would not need her help. She needs to go-- why worry yourself about it. Tell FH how you really feel- this day is about you and him- and if it makes you unhappy, he needs to respect that.

I wouldn't email. Email is a horrible way to correspond with someone when there are feelings involved because you can never convey tone in seeing words-JMHO

I think you should call her and talk to her yourself, not your FH. After you talk to her, I would have FH call her and make sure she is up to it, just in case she yes's you to death, she may tell him the 'truth'

Good LUCK!!

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Posted by randella

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Posted by gem9898

i have 4 bridesmaids

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Including her? I would say if you had a big BP then she would get lost in the crowd and you would not need her help. She needs to go-- why worry yourself about it. Tell FH how you really feel- this day is about you and him- and if it makes you unhappy, he needs to respect that.

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no, thats not including her. thats exactly how i feel. i have 4 bm and my two mohs that are there for me and excited and then i'll have her who will just bring me down because i know she wont make the time for me and its not worth it.

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Posted by pmnkm

Sounds to me like the only way this is going to be resolved is if you confront her on the phone or face to face. She could be upset with you for saying she forgot intentionally about dress shopping. Maybe she didn't check her email and really did forget. I would just call her and discuss it with her. You don't have to beg hre just be upfront and say 'I haven't heard from you in awhile and I was wondering if you were still interested in being a BM.' Has your FH seen her or heard from her? It must be frustrating....good luck!

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I agree. I think you need to talk to her face to face, or phone to let her know that you think she doesn't want to be in the BP anyway, and so she shouldn't. That way you can hear her response, and adjust based on that.