Ok I need to know what you do

...when you are home with baby? This ? is I guess primarily for the SAHMs ..but also for the go-into-the -office moms.

Julianne is almost 5 months old. Started baby food and loving it. Loves interaction...and long walks. TOUGH to do when working from home. She also suffers from gas attacks ( SORRY!) so my work output on days I'm home is subject to her...

She loves the wiggles, roly poly olie and sesame. and of course her baby eistein tapes.

I guess what Im asking is there are many times that even tho I am home, I cannot always 'BE' with her. Maybe Im feeling guilty, maybe I'm getting the blues now. Am I alone in this? I DO interact with her, dont take me wrong. I am always talking to her, singing, we dance,count, etc but there are times that she is in the swing listening to music or baby einstein and I am pounding away on my keyboard..(LIKE NOW- Im catching up on some work now)

I guess I am feeling like I am shortchanging her...and VERY soon I will need to go INTO work 4 days a week...so a change is coming...either I beg the nanny for another day and hope she doesnt get fired from her other job ( I wouldnt want to cause that-she works for me part time) or we bite the bullet and enroll her in full time daycare at , yes, a wonderful center . ( why am I crying about this?)

I guess i feel I am failing her either of the three ways

Phyl, STOP beating yourself UP !!!

You are being the most loving, caring, and nurturing mom a baby can ask for. There is nothing that it seems you are NOT doing. I would say Julianne sounds very content with her mommy and her life. Why do you feel this way?

Would you feel better if you got involved in a local moms club? (Email me offline for more info! ) I have met so many moms, we have MOMS NITES OUT, we take the kids to parks, farms, BBQ's etc. I know you will have little time for things like this, but there's more to it than going to events. I really only go to a few per month, but theres the friendships between the moms and even the kids, that begin to form, and we have this little network of moms that have so much in common with eachother, and there's always someone to vent to or go to the mall with. ALOT LIKE LIW ! But they are ALL moms going through the same things that you are going through.

PLEASE stop being to tough on yourself. Email me offline if you want to

Phyl - Im sure Julianne is getting PLENTY of much needed attention from her mommy. DO NOT feel guilty you are doing a great job with all the things you are doing with her!!! You are human and even being a SAHM which I am I need time to just be myself. Babies dont need interaction ALL THE TIME. She is getting plenty of love from you

I cant really say much about getting a nanny or day care because I dont have to go back to work but she will be fine and get the almost the same benifits as she would if you were there for her.

Dont stress, your Rhodes Scholar is going to just fine and perfectly well adjusted

KP- My Rhodes scholar- thanks you for the giggle.
who knows- maybe your are calling it early!

anna- I could hug you too- I'm infamous for beating myself up- learned that as a child...and it is one thing I def do NOT want to pass on to J.

will look into local mommies club- seems that I DO need to connect w. other moms. A bit hard since there are NONE on my block. We joined the temple around the corner from us ..they welcome interfaith couples..and we have attended services fri nights with J. A nice habit to get into. Waiting to connect with young families there.

thanks for the feedback!

sent you fm

Hi...I was and will be again, a SAGM. My daughter is now 12 years old and she is absolutely fine ... I did the same thing: I had to work from home and had times when I couldn't BE with her at all times.

Not to worry: at 5 months she's actually enjoying the swinging and listening and watching...as long as she knows Mommy is near...she's fine...better than fine!!!

Good Luck to you...

Cindy

Phyl- I think trying to work from home AND caring for a young baby is not ideal for anyone. I am wrestling with this question myself. Like you, I want to be a SAHM but that is just not going to be possible right now. I know there was a post a long time ago about working from home and trying to care for a baby at the same time- all the Moms agreed it is just too hard to hear the baby needing you or wanting you to play or crying and trying to get outside-the-home work done.

Maybe now is a good time for the baby to be in her daycare class with lots of other children? While the Nanny is great maybe it would be easier for you if you knew that J was with lots of children playing all day. Just a thought. I think once you and J get into a full-time routine you will feel A LOT better too. Not knowing what direction to take is probably driving you nuts.

Anna- I would also love to be a part of a Moms group when my baby is born but don't do they stuff a lot during the day? And that is when I have to work. Also are there other working-outside-the-home Moms or mainly just SAHM?

Phyl,

I am in the exact same boat as you. I think we need to talk more often and get the girls together. Annalise is 5 1/2 months. I work PT as a consultant. I go to the office 1-3 times a week depending on what they have for me to do. I work from home alot because I do not have a desk at the office unless someone is out that day. If I need to work 6 hours, I have to put aside 10. That's how long it takes me since I stop to feed her, play, etc. I find it hard to work from home when she is so young, but I thought it would be great not to have to leave her at a babysitters. I am reconsidering and think I will compromise by having a mothers helper in the house a few hours a week so I can have dedicated work time. This way I will be able to get work done and have piece of mind since she is nearby. I will also be able to stop just to BF her. It is much easier than pumping. But, that's another topic.
I am working from home this afternooon since I have work to do. I feel guilty not being with her. Right now she is in her exersaucer watching Baby Einstein. I can hear her laughing, so why do I feel so bad? I had to put her down to make lunch and eat (while I type this). I cannot hold her when I eat because she cries and grabs for my food. She also started solids and loves them.
They will be starting to crawl soon so it will probably be harder to work from home. You may want to serously consider FT daycare. It does not make you a bad mom. Do what is best for your family. I think she turn out to be a smart, well-rounded young lady since you care about her so much.
I have been asked to start FT and am considering it for the fall. It will also be only PT in the office and I will have to face the same 'work from home' battles since I prefer not to pay for FT daycare.

Sorry so long. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!.

you both hit the nail on the head.. I am TORN IN TWO about this. Top it off, the nanny called me to tell me that the daycare ctr called for me. I will need 2 call them to see what it is about...and who knows- maybe it is the thing to get me off my A** now.
I spoke to rob about it again this weekend. I asked what is the diff if we make a decision today or next week? to which he said- 'a wk of development for J' ..yeah right. I guess he is buying time too.

I think I may need to bite the bullet and ask the nanny if she can give us 4 days...and let HER decide if she can make a move like that. and how much does she want to jeopardise the relationship w/ her other boss. I will make it clear that it will prob only be temp...until Jan or Feb..so that she can really make a choice.

or maybe I should just bite the bullet, put J ion full time daycare and see how that works...If it doesnt, then pull her out and hope the nanny is avail? I DOUBT that we would pull her out as this place has many, many recommendations...from people that we know.

argh

phyl ... no advice ... just wanted to send you hugs during such a difficult time! I know so many people who go through this and how heartwrenching it is, but you'll make a good decision, don't worry!

michelle, go to momsclub.org. there are several chapters on LI. and my sis just started a chapter in queens.
its most (if not all) SAHM's, but several work P/T and MOST things are during the day. But whos to say you cant do weekend activities once you get to know some other moms, or join them for moms night out, etc etc etc. Once you meet moms that you click with, you will find time in your schedules for yourselves and your kiddies!

I am going to be looking for a few things to do this winter (since the baby is due 11/29). winter is a lot harder to get out with the baby so I want to make sure I have a few planned things to do.
Thanks for the info

Phyl if you have any questions concerning day care please feel free to ask away(I'm a day care director) Going by friends recommendations is a great way to start looking for a center Being involved with other children would be great for your daughter! I know that day care is a hard decision to make but if you find a great center(and there are plenty) you can both reap the benefits Feel good about any choice you make be it nanny or day care You are a wonderful mother and are taking excellent care of your daughter!! Be proud!!!!!