OK ladies, I'm calling in the experts (aka: YOU!)

we're not having any kids or babies at the wedding.

FH's cousin and his wife in CA just had a baby in June and are now asking us if they can bring their infant to our wedding her parents were supposed to drive up from PA to watch the little one while they were at the wedding, but now can't make the trip to NY for some reason.

FH went as far as to secure a babysitter for them, but they don't want to leave the baby with a stranger. (this babysitter is FH's boss's daughter)

there are a lot of other parents coming to our wedding who made other arrangements for their kids. my cousin in CA is leaving his wife & 2 kids home and is coming to our wedding alone. that's just 1 example, there are several other.

so now we are in a VERY tough spot! if we tell them they can bring their baby, how will the other parents react? this is very unfair to them. and if we tell his cousin & his wife that they can't bring the baby, we're 'mean'. so we're the bad guy no matter WHAT!

bottom line, we do NOT want this baby at the wedding, period. and I really don't know how to tell them 'no' in a non offensive way.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

while we all love children, your wedding is your day for you & yr FH.

I would explain that while i understand their situation, you cannot allow the baby to attend. while it may be a very good child, supposed he/she starts crying during yr vows??

i say stick to you plan and say no

JMHO

i agree just explain to them that although you would like to allow them to bring the baby , it would not be fair to all of the other guests who were not allowed to bring thir children,and what is good for one is good for the others! Good luck!!! and stick to your guns!!

I have no problem with kids being at the wedding. I will be so preoccupied with my love boat, that I wouldn't even notice a rug rat running along. However, if we welcomed kids, there would be an over whelming amount. So we just said that we are not having kids. We wouldn't know where to draw the line. So instead of having over 20, we having zero,, none.
I had the same situation happen to me. You just have to put your foot down. If you let one person slide and bring there kid, then all the parents who paid for sitters might feel bad.
If you say no kids, you have to stick with it. It's the only way to keep peace. It's not fair any other way.

this is a double edged sword! no matter what we do, we're the bad guy.

I am so angry at his cousin & his wife for putting us in this position! they just got married 3 years ago, you would think they would understand. his cousin's wife even told me recently that during her wedding planning they almost eloped 3 times because of the stress that others put on her.

I don't get people!

Maybe, since you were willing to find them a babysitter.....let your bosses daughter babysit in another room at the reception (i.e. bridal suite) so that they can pop in to check on the baby without being nervous about leaving him/her with someone they don't know. I know this still doesn't solve the dilemma of having told others no, but at least there won't be an infant in plain sight in the middle of your reception. Most people wouldn't even notice. Hope this helps.
Debbie

---

Posted by oct1stbride05

Maybe, since you were willing to find them a babysitter.....let your bosses daughter babysit in another room at the reception (i.e. bridal suite) so that they can pop in to check on the baby without being nervous about leaving him/her with someone they don't know. I know this still doesn't solve the dilemma of having told others no, but at least there won't be an infant in plain sight in the middle of your reception. Most people wouldn't even notice. Hope this helps.
Debbie

---

that sounds like a good idea-i know how much it stinks!

Sorry you're being put in this position. People $uck!

I really like the suggestion about having the babysitter at the hall. (Just keep in mind that it will cost you another plate to feed the babysitter.)

I would not allow the child at my wedding though. Not fair to the other guests or to YOU.

I think I'll be in the minority here.

This couple is coming all the way from CA to attend your big day. Obviously they care very much about you guys or would have rsvp'ed no. You have to understand their position. I'm sure they're upset that the sitters they entrusted to watch their newborn can't do it any longer. And I don't blame them for not wanting a stranger to watch their baby. For a new parent thats prob a very unsettling feeling.

I would say that since this baby is 3 months old you will not notice it is there. It will most likely sleep the ENTIRE time and you will never notice it. I really don't think the baby is a big deal, but do whatever you think you can.

Good luck!!

just explain to them that it would make you look bad to all the other parents that you told to leave their kids at home!! you couldnt let some kids come and not others....i went to a wedding recently and a kid started screaming in the middle of the vows...that will be on their video forever!!! Good luck with your situation

---

Posted by bridegirl

just explain to them that it would make you look bad to all the other parents that you told to leave their kids at home!! you couldnt let some kids come and not others....i went to a wedding recently and a kid started screaming in the middle of the vows...that will be on their video forever!!! Good luck with your situation

---

during my sister's wedding ceremony, our 2 yr old cousin started screaming and carrying on. I swore to myself right then and there that if I ever get married, NO KIDS!

and here is the AM update.... we're already 'the bad guys'. FH's aunt (the baby's grandmother) said to my FMIL 'there are always exceptions'. so there is already backlash.

---

Posted by Johnny&Maur

I think I'll be in the minority here.

This couple is coming all the way from CA to attend your big day. Obviously they care very much about you guys or would have rsvp'ed no. You have to understand their position. I'm sure they're upset that the sitters they entrusted to watch their newborn can't do it any longer. And I don't blame them for not wanting a stranger to watch their baby. For a new parent thats prob a very unsettling feeling.

I would say that since this baby is 3 months old you will not notice it is there. It will most likely sleep the ENTIRE time and you will never notice it. I really don't think the baby is a big deal, but do whatever you think you can.

Good luck!!

---

I agree. You cant expect them to feel comfortable leaving their newborn with a total stranger. We had 2 newborns at our wedding and they slept through the entire day. I never heard a peep out of them. Personally I would rather have them bring the baby, than not come at all, but that is just me.

---

Posted by Summer05

---

Posted by Johnny&Maur

I think I'll be in the minority here.

This couple is coming all the way from CA to attend your big day. Obviously they care very much about you guys or would have rsvp'ed no. You have to understand their position. I'm sure they're upset that the sitters they entrusted to watch their newborn can't do it any longer. And I don't blame them for not wanting a stranger to watch their baby. For a new parent thats prob a very unsettling feeling.

I would say that since this baby is 3 months old you will not notice it is there. It will most likely sleep the ENTIRE time and you will never notice it. I really don't think the baby is a big deal, but do whatever you think you can.

Good luck!!

---

I agree. You cant expect them to feel comfortable leaving their newborn with a total stranger. We had 2 newborns at our wedding and they slept through the entire day. I never heard a peep out of them. Personally I would rather have them bring the baby, than not come at all, but that is just me.

---

so what do we tell my cousin who's leaving his 2 kids and wife behind, also in CA? what do we tell all the other parents who have had to make other arrangements?

what about what we want? no kids. when you have children, the parents have to make a certain amount of sacrifices, this is one of them. I feel that it is highly inappropriate of them to even ask this of us knowing that other parents are not bringing their own kids. you can't expect everyone to conform to you when you have a baby.

---

Posted by dleeny

---

Posted by Summer05

---

Posted by Johnny&Maur

I think I'll be in the minority here.

This couple is coming all the way from CA to attend your big day. Obviously they care very much about you guys or would have rsvp'ed no. You have to understand their position. I'm sure they're upset that the sitters they entrusted to watch their newborn can't do it any longer. And I don't blame them for not wanting a stranger to watch their baby. For a new parent thats prob a very unsettling feeling.

I would say that since this baby is 3 months old you will not notice it is there. It will most likely sleep the ENTIRE time and you will never notice it. I really don't think the baby is a big deal, but do whatever you think you can.

Good luck!!

---

I agree. You cant expect them to feel comfortable leaving their newborn with a total stranger. We had 2 newborns at our wedding and they slept through the entire day. I never heard a peep out of them. Personally I would rather have them bring the baby, than not come at all, but that is just me.

---

so what do we tell my cousin who's leaving his 2 kids and wife behind, also in CA? what do we tell all the other parents who have had to make other arrangements?

what about what we want? no kids. when you have children, the parents have to make a certain amount of sacrifices, this is one of them. I feel that it is highly inappropriate of them to even ask this of us knowing that other parents are not bringing their own kids. you can't expect everyone to conform to you when you have a baby.

---

I agree with you, we were in the same position and I HAD to CAVE in because DH family would hold a grudge for years to come, Stand Firm just tell them Im sorry but NO

---

Posted by Johnny&Maur

I think I'll be in the minority here.

This couple is coming all the way from CA to attend your big day. Obviously they care very much about you guys or would have rsvp'ed no. You have to understand their position. I'm sure they're upset that the sitters they entrusted to watch their newborn can't do it any longer. And I don't blame them for not wanting a stranger to watch their baby. For a new parent thats prob a very unsettling feeling.

I would say that since this baby is 3 months old you will not notice it is there. It will most likely sleep the ENTIRE time and you will never notice it. I really don't think the baby is a big deal, but do whatever you think you can.

Good luck!!

---

I completely agree with this post, I don't see the big deal and if people get mad that they didn't get to bring their kids (which I doubt) you can explain later the spot these parents were in, and that they had to.

It's an infant, not a rug rat who will be running around the dance floor all night.

---

Posted by M&LSept1606

---

Posted by Johnny&Maur

I think I'll be in the minority here.

This couple is coming all the way from CA to attend your big day. Obviously they care very much about you guys or would have rsvp'ed no. You have to understand their position. I'm sure they're upset that the sitters they entrusted to watch their newborn can't do it any longer. And I don't blame them for not wanting a stranger to watch their baby. For a new parent thats prob a very unsettling feeling.

I would say that since this baby is 3 months old you will not notice it is there. It will most likely sleep the ENTIRE time and you will never notice it. I really don't think the baby is a big deal, but do whatever you think you can.

Good luck!!

---

I completely agree with this post, I don't see the big deal and if people get mad that they didn't get to bring their kids (which I doubt) you can explain later the spot these parents were in, and that they had to.

It's an infant, not a rug rat who will be running around the dance floor all night.

---

I agree!!