OK ladies.. My first time Venting!!!!!!!! How wrong am I??

It's so hard when you get with someone and both of you have kids....
I was talking to my dad and he is schooling me on how, when you get married, you can't think about yourself, you have to take all parties into consideration... For Instance... I work the bartending job because I was tired of living check to check and I want to be able to pay for my kids private school, plus the wedding. Yves(my FH) asked me last night if I plan to be working the way I am when the kids go to High School. I said, if we live in the same neighborhood , where the school is ghetto, I plan on paying for private High School... I said to him, ARE YOU GOING TO HELP PAY?.. He was like, absolutely NOT.. He has his own kids to deal with, and he doesn't believe in paying for school when their are free schools.. So I'm like, fine, then that answers your question! I don't expect him to pay for shyt that's why I work as I do..

He's such a stickler for money, that if we ever get a joint bank account, we would be divorced QUICKER then a speeding bullet!

So last night he tells me he is going to give me $100 towards helping out with the twins (my kids)Christmas present... TO me it's like $100.. I would have rather him jus buy something off their list, or jus go get someting, then to hand me $100.. Sure something is better then nothing, but that jus bothered the hell out of me.. He doesn't believe in buying gifts either , because he was brought up in the Jehovah Witness belief.. He's not a follower of it now, but he uses that card when necessary..SO it's like I'm buying all my family gifts and he told his sister to shop for his dad, step-mom and 3 kids that live downstairs from us for $50 TOTAL.. I see these peopel all the time,a nd I feel like he can put out a lil more.... He says he's not into buying gifts and doesn't EXPECT any....


He's hurt today and says I hurt his feelings because I said you spent $200 on them last year, he brought them both sneakers, now it's $100 this year.. He's not a person to give gifts, but come on ...

For the Groomsmen, he's bugging out that he has to buy them gifts, and wants to spend $10 on each of them! Cheatp, Cheap, Cheap....

Don't get me wrong, he pays bills and takes care of home, but only whats needed.. I'm so opposite.. I shower peopel with gifts, leave great tips.. and no I don't have it, but it makes me feel good to see someone else happy..

What do you think? am I being shallow ot unappreciative?

you have FM

Your an Angel LP.. Thanx for talking to me...

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Posted by Borricuamorena0905

Your an Angel LP.. Thanx for talking to me...

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we are here to help each other
You are so very welcome BC

Anytime !!

Shallow ? are you crazy ? you are an extremely generous and obviously unselfish person. - He is not like you. It doesn't make him a bad person, but it makes him totally and completely different from you - And when your views on how to spend (or NOT spend) money are that different, just be prepared to constantly argue.........
As far as him 'having his own kids to deal with' .....That would bother me. He's going to MARRY you and your kids are your family ....He should be treating them as if they are his own.......

No, he is great with my kids... He is very involved withthem.. Just the spending money and gifts view is very different,,,

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....

Did you just call yourself SHALLOW??? Not in the slightest. I'm the same way in that I love to shower people with gifts - it makes me feel good and I'm sure it's the same way with you too. Having 2 people in a relationship who are completely opposite in financial matters is a nightmare! My FI was the same way but has done a turn around since we've been together but it took a lot to get him there. He also has a child from a previous marriage so I'm gaining a step son and even my FI admitted that if it wasn't for me then his son wouldn't have as much because he always felt that some things were such a waste of money. Just do what you have to do to get by. We're all here for you went you need to vent a second time!

first-

Im sorry you guys arent seeing eye to eye on this- money matters really are important to agree upon where youre about to get married... its one of the biggest things that can come between people, and even if he doesnt agree with you on ccertain things, he definately needs to learn the art of compromising. I understand that he has a past that didnt align w/ the same beliefs that you have now about gifts/ spending money, etc... but he has changed other aspects of his life now that he doesnt follow that, and he needs to learn how to change THIS one too.

I am the same way as you when it comes to spending money/ 'taking care' of people... i was a bartender too, and i think it comes w/ the territory- when you're in the business, you know how you want to be treated, and so, you take care of them in return. i always loved when other bartenders came in- theyre always the best tippers my FH was the exact opposite of me... people who dont know that side of it, see it differently... but you learn to compromise.

with the school issue- i agree with you 10000%. We were Poor when i was growing up, and not just like 'oh were not having caviar for dinner tonight b/c things are tight,, but more like... who's up for Mac and cheese for the 12th night in a row?!' But my brother, sister, and I all went to private school. It was something that was so important to my parents... their words 'its the best investment we could ever make'. And thats what its all about- doing whatever you can to make sure your children have the most important things in life- education and values. He may not agree with spending all that money, but he should understand how important it is to you. When you marry someone, you dont just marry them, you marry their family. And he needs to think of what is in the best interest of the 'family'.. not just his bank account.

i dont think you are shallow in ANY way shape or form. And i think the thing that is more upsetting about your FH isnt that you care HOW much he should spend, but that you want him to WANT TO spend more.... like you want him to have that same excitement about making the people that he cares about Happy, and not just sit there thinking about how theyre taking away from his savings.

i think you guys should sit down and talk about all of this. Its worth clearing up now, and having this conversation Before you're married... just to at least come to a compromise or understanding, and not have this feeling hovering over the relationship, ya know?

good luck