Ok let's flip the manners topic

nrvbrd Posted: Jun 04, 2003 11:16 AM

Ok let's flip the manners topic

So, I have established that I never go empty handed anywhere.

Ok, I have certain friends who like to throw GTG/dinner parties-but here is the catch- I am always being told what to bring- whether it be Mac and cheese of chicken. This I hate.

Do you think that if you are throwing an event the owness is on you to provide completely and if people bring stuff that is extra?

I hate being told to bring stuff because as an act of good breeding - I will?

tracyg Posted: Jun 04, 2003 11:19 AM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

unless you establish it as a potluck dinner, then the hostess should provide everything, and what you bring is extra. Thats my opinion anyway.

eroxgirl Posted: Jun 04, 2003 11:20 AM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

I have a girlfriend who tells us what to bring when she has BBQs and I never minded much. But she's one of my best friends and I'd always rather be told than bring the wrong thing. Unless they tell me to cook, because I hate cooking - I'd always rather go buy something. But that's just me.

xjulietx Posted: Jun 04, 2003 11:21 AM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

Maybe you need to beat them to it and ask 'what do you need me to bring?'

tracyg Posted: Jun 04, 2003 11:22 AM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

for a bbq its ok to ask for specific things cuz its less formal... but if you are having a dinner party then you shouldn't ask for food

Shamee Posted: Jun 04, 2003 11:22 AM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

I had a friend like this. She would announce 'party' to all of our friends and then assign something to each of them. One brought soda, another ice, you get the idea. By the time the assignments were handed out - she didn't have to provide anything!!! When I approached her on it one day - she was like 'Well, I'm offering the place to have it, aren't I?'. Duh!!!

When I have an event, I go all out and leave nothing up to chance. I usually send people home with stuff because I have too much. I want people to feel welcome and comfortable, not a shakedown of what you can bring. If they bring extra, they're probably going home with it unless we're all really pigs that night!

nrvbrd Posted: Jun 04, 2003 11:25 AM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

Shamee, you echo my sentiments.

That is how I am too.

Jordan Posted: Jun 04, 2003 11:41 AM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

I think if you're hosting a party, you host. I wouldn't be put off though, if someone told me what to bring - especially if this person was a dear friend or family member.

Conversely, as a guest, I *always* ask what I can bring or what I can do to help.

nrvbrd Posted: Jun 04, 2003 11:45 AM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

Cp- I ask as well- but what irritates me are people who say they are hosting an event but do no work and rely on peope to do it for them.

dkga1026 Posted: Jun 04, 2003 11:46 AM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

I always provide everything. I think if you invite people over, you have to! When people ask what to bring I always say nothing, or if it's someone I'm close to, I may ask them to bring a dessert or an extra bottle of wine just in case.

starhead Posted: Jun 04, 2003 12:00 PM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

My MIL really ticked me off last xmas, where my mom asked if she could bring anything and she told her she could bring salad - and then told my mom exactly what could go in the salad, like cucumbers but they had to be peeled and no seeds, no tomatoes b/c her kids and grandkids don't like them!!! My mom couldn't believe her.

yabbobay Posted: Jun 04, 2003 12:34 PM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

I agree with you nvr...the host should not have a party and then ask people to bring things...

but if the guest asks if they can do anything...I will usually tell them wine or some other booze...you can never have too much...and it can be used at a later time if you have extra...

at t-giving...its usually a potluck of meals that different people bring...and the host makes the turkey and potatoes...but thats been tradtion for years...

nrvbrd Posted: Jun 04, 2003 01:04 PM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

Thanks Yabbo

Kate Posted: Jun 04, 2003 01:12 PM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

Well I've always planned on providing everything needed for the party, but for larger GTG's or holidays where just the immediate family is usually 24 people AND the fact that everyone asks, I say bring nothing and then they bring stuff anyway, I have started saying ok you can bring a can or two of cranberry sauce if you like. Everyone in my family (well mostly!) wants a job to do and wants to contribute. But I would never pick up the phone and say Aunt XX can you bring the turkey??

For smaller GTG's I would absolutely provide everything....

ETA:
And if asked to bring something to someone else's I am more than happy, as sometimes I stress about what to bring!

Scoop Posted: Jun 04, 2003 01:15 PM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

unless it is my mom or sister.....I never tell people to make anything. More often than not, my guests often bring dessert or wine on their own.

butterfly20 Posted: Jun 04, 2003 02:05 PM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

if she assigns things before you ask.. i would consider it a potuck(but she should say that it is)...

in our families ... Me and FI always bring a dessert..we're never asked to bring anything but I was raised to 'never go to a party emptyhanded...'...however every party my FI tries to convince me that i dont need to bring anything...

butterfly20 Posted: Jun 04, 2003 02:08 PM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

I actually joked with my FI.. i love to cook.. so when people ask what to bring I will be telling them alcohol(we are not big drinkers but will have some there)..

teresa518 Posted: Jun 04, 2003 02:13 PM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

I always plan to provide everything but if someone asks me what they can bring, I usually assign them something easy - not too much work.

I don't mind being assigned - We're always assigned with cake since we go to this great bakery all the time. Everyone loves it.

ChristineC68 Posted: Jun 04, 2003 02:27 PM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

For a big meal with lots of fixin's like Thanksgiving/Holiday dinners or a big BBQ I can see requesting certain things so you dont end up with too much of anything. But for a regular dinner party/gtg I think it's a bit rude to place an order.

My pet peeve about this topic is when you ask 'what can I bring?' and they say whatever you like to drink. I don't know why, it makes me think they can't be bothered to pick up some basic beverages. Who would have a gtg and not have soda, iced tea, water or what ever would be appropriate for the occasion. I know my mother drinks diet coke, one of my friends prefers decaffeinated beverages, someone else drinks only water and they like coors light or Heinikin (spelling is way off).

Kate Posted: Jun 04, 2003 02:33 PM

Re: Ok let's flip the manners topic

Well I know I have in the past told people who have asked what they should bring to bring what they like to drink. But I didn't mean reg or diet coke, sprite, juice or milk for the kids etc...
I just assumed they would know I meant anything out of the ordinary. Like we had a friend come over once, always a beer drinker in the past, and although we are drinker and thought we had a stocked bar.... he asked for Gin and Tonic!!!!!!!! Of course it had to be the one thing we didn't have.... so I hope that the water drinkers that I know didn't think I wanted them to bring water to my house when I told them to bring what they are drinking!

Actually even though we usually do have milk on hand, my SIL will bring a gallon. She has three young boys who can knock that out no problem in one visit!