but I have a problem. I am very close to FSIL and have asked her as well as my own sisters to be in the BP. I have suggested to my FH that he ask my brother to be a part also, but he refuses. He feels it is his day too and he should have who he wants standing up with him. Normally I would agree with him except that he already has one GM less than I have BM's. The numbers don't really matter to me, but now I am afraid my brother will be offended that he wasn't asked, especially since all the sisters were. What should I do?
esb980
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Re: Okay I know I am being a pain...
I would talk to FH about how important it is to me!!
MissingTheBGene
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Re: Okay I know I am being a pain...
Your brother is your brother. You FH should do this for you. Is there a specific reason why he does not want to ask your brother? Just remind him that his decision may be something that will harbor resentment later, and i don't think he would want that with his FBIL.
CynthiaandJeff
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Re: Okay I know I am being a pain...
If it were me, I would ask my brother.
VadersBride2006
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Re: Okay I know I am being a pain...
Posted by MissingTheBGene
Your brother is your brother. You FH should do this for you. Is there a specific reason why he does not want to ask your brother? Just remind him that his decision may be something that will harbor resentment later, and i don't think he would want that with his FBIL.
No, it's just that he lives in Nashville so we don't see him often and aren't very close to him.
BlueTulip
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Re: Okay I know I am being a pain...
I strongly believe that the bridal party should represent who is important to both of you. I never agree with those who think that the bride should chose who is important to her for BMs and the groom should choose who is important to him for GMs. A brother/cousin etc. Important to the bride should not be excluded just because they are male. In my opinion, bridal party decisions should be made together and if the bride wanted someone to be a GM then, unless there is some ethical/previous experience reason why not, it should happen.
We have a few of my family members as GM and a few of FH's family members as BM.
bridy06
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Re: Okay I know I am being a pain...
My brothers are in their 40s and I, at first, didn't even think to include them. But FH stepped in and made the decision to include them b/c they are family.
If it is important to you, talk to him...
ewickens
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Re: Okay I know I am being a pain...
I ran into this problem with my FH and he is right (in a way). Instead of being a groomsmen, FH asked my brother to be an usher, so that he was involved with the ceremony, but wouldn't have to be around all the time with the groom.
The other option is to have your brother walk your mother down the aisle. My brother is doing this as well.
stephanielyse
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Re: Okay I know I am being a pain...
Honestly, I don't think your FH should have to ask anyone to be a groomsman that he doesn't feel he needs next to him on his wedding day. You said you asked your FSIL to be in the wedding because you are close, not because FH asked you to. How would you feel if you were not close with her and barely knew her and he wanted you to have her in your bridal party? If it is important to you to have your brother in the wedding party, ask him to stand on your side.
Maybride519
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Re: Okay I know I am being a pain...
I think that you should ask FH to do this for you and just tell him that it would mean alot to you.
October Bliss
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Re: Okay I know I am being a pain...
If your FH is dead set against asking your brother to stand up with him, then IMHO you should honor his feelings. It is in fact, his wedding too.
If you are concerened about your borther's feelings ask him to be a part of the ceremony in another way - perhaps he could do a reading, escort your mother, or another important female like your grandmother, or be an usher and escort everyone.
Edit to add:
Our BP is uneven as well, but I have one less person. Doesn't bother me, but it's making FH the anal retentive math major nuts. However, there is no one else I feel close enough to that I want standing up with me - including his sisters - and he respects my feelings.
VadersBride2006
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Re: Okay I know I am being a pain...
Thank you all for your suggestions! Unfotunately, we are having an outdoor ceremony and the only ones who will be seated are the elderly. This eliminates the need for an usher. Neither of us is particularly close to my brother, that's why I am siding more with my FH. However, I don't want to cause a rift in the family (I am the only one of all my siblings that still speaks to the other 3).
Do you think I should explain the situation to my brother, in hopes that he will be understanding and not offended?
