Ok...how about some wedding humor?

Marriage Qoutes

It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out next morning it was someone else. -- Rogers

If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. -- Chekhov

The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. -- Coleridge

Were it not for imagination, sir, a man would be as happy in the arms of a chambermaid as a duchess. -- Dr. Johnson

If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not beautiful. -- Haskins

A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself. -- Du Bois

A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house. -- Moliere

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Goethe

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved. -- Butler

A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy. -- Nietzsche

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. -- Dumas

Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little. -- Dr. Johnson

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want? -- Freud

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. -- Montaigne

For a male and female to live continuously together is... biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition. -- Robert Briffault

Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. -- Baskins

A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers.

A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.

Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.

Marriage is a trip between Niagra Falls and Reno.

Marriage is an institution -- but who wants to live in one?

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.

More Wedding and Marriage Quotes

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette

I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward, 1956

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie Mason

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Montaigne

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. -- Hemant Joshi

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Various words and phrases relating to marriage

ADULTERY, n. democracy as applied to marriage.

BRIDE, n. the person who is the first to put her foot down after being carried across the threshold

CHARACTER, n. a virtue which is formed in youth and reformed by marriage

CYNIC, n. a person who feels that divorce should cost more than marriage -- because it's worth much more

DICTIONARY, n. the only place where divorce comes before marriage

ENGAGEMENT, n. [1] that period in a man's life which can sometimes end happily -- unless it ends in marriage;

HUMOR, n. the one sure way to make a marriage last

HUSBAND, n. [1] a man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness

HUSBAND, FAITHFUL, n. that man who is married to a trusting wife (a definition that can be either truthful or cynical)

HUSBAND, GOOD, n. a man who feels in his pockets every time he passes a mailbox

HUSBAND, HENPECKED, n. [1] a man who always consults his better half instead of his better judgment

HUSBAND, PERFECT, n. is, in a man's second marriage, her first mate

HUSBAND, SMART, n. [1] one who thinks twice before saying nothing

HUSBAND, TRADITIONAL, n. a man who expects his wife to help him with the dishes

KISSING, n. [1] a method of getting two people so close together that they can't possibly see anything wrong with each other;

INFATUATION, n. a wasting disease easily cured -- by marriage

LOVE, n. [1] man's grand delusion that one woman differs from another;

LOVE LETTERS, n. [1] correspondence that should always bear the salutation: 'My Dearest, and Gentlemen of the Jury';

LOVER(S), n. [1] people who never get tired of each other because they are always talking about themselves

LOVE SONG, n. a caress set to music

LOVE, TRUE, n. marrying a girl, even though she hasn't a steady job

LUXURIES, n. items which, by grand design, always cost more -- for example: a divorce decree costs more than a marriage license

MARRIAGE, n. [1] the dawn of romance and the commencement of history

MARRIAGE CEREMONY, n. [1] a ritual which should be written (to cut down on divorces) -- by adding a line to the groom's questions asking: 'And do you understand that from this moment on, you will be always be wrong?';

MARRIAGE, HAPPY, n. a union which is in full flower when the husband knows what to remember and his wife understands what to forget

MARRIAGE LICENSE, n. is the only permit taken out after the hunt is over

MARRIAGE, SECOND, n. the triumph of hope over experience {Dr. Johnson}

MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, n. [1] one in which the husband knows when to remember and a wife knows what to forget;

MARRIED LIFE, n. is like the pleasure experienced when getting into a warm bath -- after a while it's not so hot

MARRIED MAN, n. a person who has learned to turn off the car motor when his wife calls: 'I'll be right out'

MIRAGE, n. another, and probably more precise way, to spell marriage

MOVIE STAR, n. a Hollywood resident who cannot live in the institution of marriage -- but doesn't mind frequent visits

PARTNERSHIP, n. a legal fiction exactly like marriage, but without the major benefits

PRAISE, vt. something which, if directed to your wife, will lighten your marriage -- even if it frightens her at first.

SEX DRIVE, n. a physical craving which appears at puberty and ends at marriage

SUPREME COURT JUSTICE, n. an official without the authority to perform marriages -- I guess it is because marriage is not considered a federal offense {Justice Felix Frankfurter}

WATERBED, n. a device that may help a marriage -- then again, the couple may drift apart

WIFE, n. [1] another man's folly;

WIFE, HAPPY, n. a spouse who is sometimes so because she has the best husband -- more often it is that she makes the best of the husband she has

WIFE, WISE, n. one who makes her husband feel as if he is head of the house when, in reality, he is only chairman of the entertainment committee

WOMAN, LIBERATED, n. a female who has sex before marriage and a job after {Gloria Steinem}.

Irene,

Now that you started this trend of making us laugh...you know you need to keep it up right?????

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Posted by JBKempf

Irene,

Now that you started this trend of making us laugh...you know you need to keep it up right?????

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Yeah, I think I am going to start a 'Wedding Joke of the Day' thread.

some of these are really true!
Those that are true are not funny...

Thanks for the smile!