OMG! How rude!

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Question
My niece and her 'groom' have lived together for four years. We just got a wedding invitation saying 'In lieu of gifts, we are requesting money for a honeymoon.' I was doubly shocked when my daughter said a judge married them two years ago. It sounds like they're out for a free vacation to me. Am I old-fashioned, or is this poor etiquette?
--Duped

Dear Duped,
This isn't poor etiquette -- it's a scam. It's putting a bonnet on a pig and wondering why it stinks (my apologies to pigs). Even if your niece just wanted to publicly celebrate her two-year-old marriage, asking for cash would be tasteless. Send a card with $20, and consider it a low price for getting out of an unsavory situation.

I cant believe someone would actually do this

i think they were having a wedding---and saying 'don't bring gifts, just pay for our HM'

and the person who wrote in was offended that they were having a wedding and asking for $$ for the HM, if they were married by JOP 2 years earlier.

i DO think its rude to put that on an invitation--its tacky as hell to say 'give us THIS' but i know plenty of ppl who get married for whatever reason and then have an actual wedding later, i have no big issues about that. the stipulating what kind of gift you EXPECT is where i draw the line

I really don't see anything wrong with them asking to help pay for the honetmoon instead of gifts that they don't need. Isn't it the same as a honeymoon
registry? Which alot of girls on here are doing. My FBIL is doing this. Him and future wife have a house already and don't need household items or gifts they'll never use. They are paying for the wedding themselves, so money is tight when it comes to the honeymoon. Instead they are having a honeymoon registry. I would rather put money towards them having a nice time and enjoying a vaction - then a gift they'll never use. JMO, but I don't think it's rude.

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Posted by Kris0703

I really don't see anything wrong with them asking to help pay for the honetmoon instead of gifts that they don't need. Isn't it the same as a honeymoon
registry? Which alot of girls on here are doing. My FBIL is doing this. Him and future wife have a house already and don't need household items or gifts they'll never use. They are paying for the wedding themselves, so money is tight when it comes to the honeymoon. Instead they are having a honeymoon registry. I would rather put money towards them having a nice time and enjoying a vaction - then a gift they'll never use. JMO, but I don't think it's rude.

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A honeymoon registry in and of itself isn't tacky (though some disagree).

HOWEVER, any mention of gifts on a wedding invitation IS downright tacky and RUDE!

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Posted by MJDoc12

i think they were having a wedding---and saying 'don't bring gifts, just pay for our HM'

and the person who wrote in was offended that they were having a wedding and asking for $$ for the HM, if they were married by JOP 2 years earlier.

i DO think its rude to put that on an invitation--its tacky as hell to say 'give us THIS' but i know plenty of ppl who get married for whatever reason and then have an actual wedding later, i have no big issues about that. the stipulating what kind of gift you EXPECT is where i draw the line

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I agree!!! It wouldn't bother me that they were married 2 years earlier by a JOP and now having the BIG wedding it is that they are asking for money for a honeymoon right on the invitation!!!! VERY RUDE!!! They should just be grateful that they get anything from someone!!!!

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Posted by melissankurt07

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Posted by MJDoc12

i think they were having a wedding---and saying 'don't bring gifts, just pay for our HM'

and the person who wrote in was offended that they were having a wedding and asking for $$ for the HM, if they were married by JOP 2 years earlier.

i DO think its rude to put that on an invitation--its tacky as hell to say 'give us THIS' but i know plenty of ppl who get married for whatever reason and then have an actual wedding later, i have no big issues about that. the stipulating what kind of gift you EXPECT is where i draw the line

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I agree!!! It wouldn't bother me that they were married 2 years earlier by a JOP and now having the BIG wedding it is that they are asking for money for a honeymoon right on the invitation!!!! VERY RUDE!!! They should just be grateful that they get anything from someone!!!!

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I agree here. It's not the whole when they got married, or what they would prefer as a gift. It's the printing of it on the invitation!!!!

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Posted by Kara and Todd

HOWEVER, any mention of gifts on a wedding invitation IS downright tacky and RUDE!

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I agree.
The wedding invitation isn't supposed to have registries, gift requests, or anything of that nature in it.
However, it is OK to include that in a shower invitation.

We recently got an invite with the website of where you can donate money to their honeymoon. Almost like a paypal thing! Very tacky.

i read this a few months ago - made me SO mad!!

Did it mention where these people were? Because I am pretty sure that in some areas of the US (as well as outside the US) it is common practice to include registry info, or whatever with invitations.

As for the part about them getting married 2 years ago, I think that is totally irrelevant. FH and I (I just call him FH here for convenience) got married last year in a civil ceremony, just the 2 of us... and we're having our 'real wedding' next month... its absolutely NOT to get gifts.

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Posted by erdbeere

Did it mention where these people were? Because I am pretty sure that in some areas of the US (as well as outside the US) it is common practice to include registry info, or whatever with invitations.

As for the part about them getting married 2 years ago, I think that is totally irrelevant. FH and I (I just call him FH here for convenience) got married last year in a civil ceremony, just the 2 of us... and we're having our 'real wedding' next month... its absolutely NOT to get gifts.

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I dont think them getting married two years ago and having a wedding now is such a big deal. Im sure a lot of people who cant have a wedding for some reason or another do that. The woman who they sent the invitation to was the bride's AUNT and she didnt even know her niece had been married 2 years earlier and then gets an invite with the whole 'In lieu of gifts' crap...thats why she felt like they were taking advantage...

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Posted by FutureMrsRice

We recently got an invite with the website of where you can donate money to their honeymoon. Almost like a paypal thing! Very tacky.

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Just wanted to point out that there are some ladies on here who, including myself, have included or will include an 'Honeymoon Registry' such as TravelersJoy.com, for example, on their Bridal SHOWER invitiations (in lieu of, or in addition to, a regular Store registry info).

I find nothing about this tacky or inappropriate if its a Bridal Shower (not a wedding), especially if the bride and groom are already established and settled with household items and goods.

In fact, Honeymoon registries online are becoming more and more popular, with couples creating thier own personal webpage with their stories, pictures, histories and ideas behind their desired destinations.

I've seen some very beautiful, tasteful ones and feel it gives an opportunity for someone who would normally give cash, an alternative...and the family member or friend would know exactly what the couple was using the monies for.

I know this thread was about a Wedding Invitation, but just wanted to share my thoughts about it for a Bridal SHOWER invite. I realize it is not customary for an actual wedding invitation to have such wording

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Posted by erdbeere

Did it mention where these people were? Because I am pretty sure that in some areas of the US (as well as outside the US) it is common practice to include registry info, or whatever with invitations.

As for the part about them getting married 2 years ago, I think that is totally irrelevant. FH and I (I just call him FH here for convenience) got married last year in a civil ceremony, just the 2 of us... and we're having our 'real wedding' next month... its absolutely NOT to get gifts.

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One of my wedding guests actually asked me why I didnt include my registry in the invites. I guess its different in different places. Personally, I wouldnt do it. I dont see anything wrong with them being married 2 years ago or not telling the aunt. I DO think that they need a lesson in ettiquette.

I dont think they're having the big wedding for the money. Weddings are kinda expensive to have just to get $ and gifts.

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Posted by FutureMrsRice

We recently got an invite with the website of where you can donate money to their honeymoon. Almost like a paypal thing! Very tacky.

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lol at the Paypal

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Posted by SoElated

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Posted by erdbeere

Did it mention where these people were? Because I am pretty sure that in some areas of the US (as well as outside the US) it is common practice to include registry info, or whatever with invitations.

As for the part about them getting married 2 years ago, I think that is totally irrelevant. FH and I (I just call him FH here for convenience) got married last year in a civil ceremony, just the 2 of us... and we're having our 'real wedding' next month... its absolutely NOT to get gifts.

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One of my wedding guests actually asked me why I didnt include my registry in the invites. I guess its different in different places. Personally, I wouldnt do it. I dont see anything wrong with them being married 2 years ago or not telling the aunt. I DO think that they need a lesson in ettiquette.

I dont think they're having the big wedding for the money. Weddings are kinda expensive to have just to get $ and gifts.

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Yea, but what I am saying is that ettiquette isn't a universal thing... so what may be propper in the south or west, may not be in NY...such as including anything that has to do with gifts on a wedding invitation. The last wedding we went to was in Germany and the couple included a poem saying they don't need anything so if you want to give a gift, just give money (not as bluntly of course), and while I personally wouldn't do it, I didn't think there was anything wrong with it because thats how things are done there...
I think a lot of time people don't realize that what is common for weddings or whatever in the NY area might be totally different elsewhere...so when you (not you personally, but in general) see or hear things that are not according to how its done in NY its automatically wrong and tacky and tasteless and I think thats a very narrow minded approach. JMO.