I used to be BFF with this guy from college. Long story short he got a girlfriend (who'd never had a boyfriend before) and she was so freaked by how close we were that he started avoiding me. Then she and I had words and she said some very mean and hurtful things to me (via email- not even to my face because she's a coward).
Fast forward to now. I've had almost no relationship with him for the past 3 years. When it came time for invitations I sent him one because I was inviting our whole college crew & then I threw her name on there thinking she wouldn't let him come if I didn't extend the offer.... and you know where this is going: I just got the RSVP card stating THEY'RE BOTH COMING TO MY WEDDING.
I know, I know I did it to myself - but I'm so upset. I think that stupid jealous biznatch needs to at least apologize before she steps foot into the event. Seriously you would die if you heard some of the accusation and comments she made at me.
milana
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
awww that stinks! Since shes so attached to him by the hip i wouldnt think that she would let him go to your wedding by himself anyway even if you only worded the invite to him. You did the right thing by inviting both of them and you showed them you are the bigger person. I wouldnt want this beeeatch at my wedding either if she said nasty things to me but i would just ignore her and try to focus on your wedding and FH. You will have so much going on that day and the last person who deserves your attention is her! Her boyfriend will also have alot of fun once he sees all of his old college friends and itll be a good time. Dont let her get to you
Elise&Matt
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
you def. did the right thing.... show 'em your the better person. I say maybe she's grown up a lil since then and hopefully will act like a lady on your big day In any event do not let anything ruin the day and remeber what i's all about....you and your FH
HTH
ido07
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
As hard as this might be to accept, I think you opened the door by inviting them...and you have to expect that anyone that you invite will go As much as that svcks that she will be there..don't let it ruin your day today OR on your wedding day.
Anyway...no one ever outshines the bride on her wedding day!! YOu can rub it in her face by looking amazing and having the time of your life!
AlliCatB
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
ugh, I am so mad at myself. Thank you for your support. I'm trying to take solace in doing the right thing but I already was the bigger person by not responding to her nasty emails - and I don't feel like doing it again!!
I'm still interested to see if people think I should mention it to him though so keep the votes coming!
In the meantime, I'm going to try my best to not pull a 'Pumkin'
StarryEyedBride
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
My first thought was just ignore it. It's been 3yrs and this friend of yours was a special part of your life so maybe just let it go and be the bigger person. What good would it do to dredge up the past? It might just make everyone uncomfortable. Then I saw how hurt you are from her comments. If you feel that strongly, I might say something to both of them. Just that you were hurt and use the invite to the wedding as a chance to make ammends. Whatever you do, don't let it ruin your day. It's not worth it. I wouldn't demand an apology, because you probably won't get it and even if you do it wont be sincere. But use this as a chance to say the things you've wanted to say in those three years and then let it go, have a good time.. you never know. They may surprise you
Aug07OFCbride
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
aghh... that really stinks!!! whew.
gotta be honest tho, if i was iin your situation, as peeved as I would be, I prob wouldnt say anything to them about it, only bc if you care about him, its not worth it...realy SHES not worth it. i mean if someone if going to talk such trash to you and have the impudence to show up at your wedding, ew! let her do it. and ignore it and have a FABULOUS day!!!
cookiemonster
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
If you're going to talk to someone, it should definitely be him. Call him up and start off by saying you're excited he's coming to the wedding. If you miss his close friendship, tell him so - it can hardly be seen as threatening, considering you're about to get married to someone else! Tell him you can't wait to see the old crew back together and you hope this will inspire them to hang out more often. Then tell him you're happy he's happy with the beeyyoottcchhh and sweetly say that you're glad to see (because she said yes to the invite) that she's over whatever issue she had with you. Casually remind him of the things she said to you and tell him that *of course* you've moved past that (because you invited her to the wedding by name) and are glad to see she is too.
It'll give you the chance to tell him how you really feel, about her, your friendship with him, etc, while discreetly signaling to him that she better not start any **** at your wedding.
As for confronting her, it's not worth your time or energy, and you're going to be way too busy having fun that day!!
mskittynj
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
See the thing with me is I can't keep anything to myself. If I feel something about someone I have to tell them. so I could NEVER ignore what the girl did. I would def. say something to your friend. Be honest with him, and tell him how you feel and how hurtful this girl was to you. XOXOXO Kitty
Marly
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
Let it go!!!! That way you can move foward with your new life...
LuckiestGirl
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
So my best friend when i met my FH was this man Mike. . . .. we were so close like brother and sister my FH didn't like the whole situation he said a man cant be friends with a girl without wanting more . . . . anyway now they like eachother and are friends as well but his GF at the time and now Wife said some really nasty things to me at the time they were dating. . . . that I talk to him like twice a year. . . I invited them to my wedding but told him on the phone that before i send the invite I would like to hang out with you guys and make sure that everything is cool with us. . . we did and while hanging out she told me that she was sorry for all the neg things she said that she just didnt know if we were more than friends at once and didnt want me around if me and him had been more. . . which i understand totally i wouldnt want my FH ex-gf hanging around. . .needless to say me and her are friends but I do not have the same friendship with him anymore. . . ***** but thats what happens. . . jealousy *****. . . .
Cpt2007
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
Posted by cookiemonster
If you're going to talk to someone, it should definitely be him. Call him up and start off by saying you're excited he's coming to the wedding. If you miss his close friendship, tell him so - it can hardly be seen as threatening, considering you're about to get married to someone else! Tell him you can't wait to see the old crew back together and you hope this will inspire them to hang out more often. Then tell him you're happy he's happy with the beeyyoottcchhh and sweetly say that you're glad to see (because she said yes to the invite) that she's over whatever issue she had with you. Casually remind him of the things she said to you and tell him that *of course* you've moved past that (because you invited her to the wedding by name) and are glad to see she is too.
It'll give you the chance to tell him how you really feel, about her, your friendship with him, etc, while discreetly signaling to him that she better not start any **** at your wedding.
As for confronting her, it's not worth your time or energy, and you're going to be way too busy having fun that day!!
This is exactly what I was going to suggest.
HelenZ
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
I would say that you could say something to him....but I would probably joke around and ask if his girlfriend gave him any slack about going, and if she's put all of her jealous feelings in the past. Since it's been a few years, hopefully she will have matured a bit and now feels more secure in the relationship she has with him. Definitely DO NOT talk to her about this, that could end up being confrontational.
NY031978
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
i think what you did was right. But honestly at the wedding besides a hello and a 2 min convo thats all you will hear from her! So just suck it up and be the mature one. Say hi and thanks for coming and leave it at that. After the wedding if it bothers you say something at that point!! She/They may think after 3 yrs...by gones are by gones!
Roed522
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
Posted by AlliCatB
In the meantime, I'm going to try my best to not pull a 'Pumkin'
Too funny.
Well just from MO experiance I know that it's just not worth it. Like every tells me all the time 'kill them with kindness'. My very good friend (15yrs+) lives with this girl, she was the neighborhood bar whore and I just can't stomach her. She hates that him and I are so close. I'm sending out the invite to him and guest and if he comes with her fine, if he comes solo great. Either way I wouldn't care enough to even notice if she were there or not. It's not worth letting it come between your friendship with him. GL.
diva7531
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
Posted by cookiemonster
If you're going to talk to someone, it should definitely be him. Call him up and start off by saying you're excited he's coming to the wedding. If you miss his close friendship, tell him so - it can hardly be seen as threatening, considering you're about to get married to someone else! Tell him you can't wait to see the old crew back together and you hope this will inspire them to hang out more often. Then tell him you're happy he's happy with the beeyyoottcchhh and sweetly say that you're glad to see (because she said yes to the invite) that she's over whatever issue she had with you. Casually remind him of the things she said to you and tell him that *of course* you've moved past that (because you invited her to the wedding by name) and are glad to see she is too.
It'll give you the chance to tell him how you really feel, about her, your friendship with him, etc, while discreetly signaling to him that she better not start any **** at your wedding.
As for confronting her, it's not worth your time or energy, and you're going to be way too busy having fun that day!!
Couldn't have said it better!
AMGBride2008
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
I think you should just ignore it. I think you would come off looking kind of silly (sorry ) if you sent out an invitation, they accepted and THEN you call him for an apology from her. If you wanted an apology from her, you should have called BEFORE you sent the invite.
If you call now seeking some sort of apology and resolve you run the risk of them revoking their 'yes' RSVP and not coming at all....
I'm sorry your still hurt and upset by her nasty e-mail, I know I probably would be too... but I don't think there is much you can do now that the invited was extended and accepted. At this point, just try not to let it ruin your day.
bettybcafe
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Re: Opinion Poll - I dug myself into a hole...
Posted by Elise&Matt
you def. did the right thing.... show 'em your the better person. I say maybe she's grown up a lil since then and hopefully will act like a lady on your big day In any event do not let anything ruin the day and remeber what i's all about....you and your FH
HTH
Perfectly said. Dont bring up the past at your wedding(or before) because it will just end up ruining ur day..hey, you never know, maybe shell come up to you without you having to say anything and ask for ur forgiveness
