Opinions needed.. .RP from BRB...

Opinions needed.. .RP from BRB...

So, my wedding is a little ways away so I have time but I just need an opinion or two...

Most of you know that my father passed away suddenly April 25th. My wedding will now be very different and very, very hard. I was upstate at my mom's this weekend and broke down speaking about the whole mother-son dance and me not having one. I thought of doing a montage of photos while the song I planned to dance with my father too played but I realize this would be terribly sad and way too hard on my family. I don't want to dance with anyone else because it won't be the same.

So, is it wrong to ask my FH to not have a special dance with his mom? I cannot imagine watching that knowing I won't ever have my turn. My mom thinks they would understand and be okay with it but I don't even know how to approach it.

Any thoughts or suggestions? TIA!

Re: Opinions needed.. .RP from BRB...

This is really a tough situation....if I were you, I probably wouldn't ask him not to have a mother son dance because it's probably really important to him, but I would express to him how I feel about the situation (without requesting anything from him) and leave it up to him to figure out whether or not he wants to act on what you told him...just confide your feelings to him and see if he'd volunteer to give up the mother son dance....if he doesn't volunteer to give it up, then maybe you (with the help of the 08ers and your family) could try to figure out something else to do in place of the father daughter dance...I'm so sorry about your loss, I hope this helped...

Re: Opinions needed.. .RP from BRB...

my FSIL was in a similar situation at her wedding. FH's dad had passed away shortly before she got married and she didn't know what to do for the father/daughter dance. She ended up dancing with FH to Eric Clapton's 'Tears in Heaven'. FH said that there wasn't a dry eye in the room, and some people were really upset. But they actually served dinner right after the dance, and after dinner people realized that it really was a celebration and still had a great time at the wedding, even though they had been upset earlier. Maybe if you wanted to do your photo montage, you could do it in a way that will let people calm down a bit afterwards before you get into the party mode.
However, I do think that if you would really rather FH and his mom not have a special dance, then you should definitely sit down and talk with him about it and explain how upset you would be to watch it. I think that they would definitely understand and be compassionate about the situation.
I don't know if that rambling was helpful in any way, but Im sorry you have to make this tough decision

Re: Opinions needed.. .RP from BRB...

Thanks so much girls. I am going to wait a bit and speak to my FH and also see if time heals things a bit.

I don't want to make it a sad evening moreso than it already will be....so any alternative ideas would be appreciated!

Thanks ladies!

Re: Opinions needed.. .RP from BRB...

Re: Opinions needed.. .RP from BRB...

hi, i'm actually in a very similiar situation to yours, my father passed away unexpectedly this past march...i'm either going to have my grandfather or my younger brother walk me down the aisle, and was thinking of dancing with my mother while my fiance dances with his mother as an alternative...for the photo montage, which i plan on doing also, i was thinking instead of just showing pictures of my father, doing our baby pics, pics of us, friends, and family in general and making a few of them of my father (like one of me and him) scattered throughout the montage so it's not so depressing...i plan on doing this before/during dinner so the mood can lighten by the time it's time to dance...just some ideas, hope this helps..

Re: Opinions needed.. .RP from BRB...

I don't think it would be wrong at all and I'm sure your FH and FMIL would understand. If they insist though, you shouldn't feel like you have to have a dance with someone. I've been to plenty of weddings were there were no parents dances at all or only the bride had a parent dance and the groom didn't or vice versa.

Re: Opinions needed.. .RP from BRB...

i'm very sorry for your loss...
i think you should just talk to your FH and see what he says.
My fh doesnt WANT to dance with his mother and asked me if that was okay. I said it's fine... so maybe it's not as important to him and his mother as you might think.

i'm sure we can help you come up with alternatives and what not.