Opinions please! :-)

Hi everyone!

I was going over some details with my hall and they had the following suggestion to help save money, instead of paying for the plates for the band/dj, photographer & videographer, to tell them to eat during the cocktail hour because you don't pay by the person then. Now 3 other girlfriends of mine are getting married this year (all in different halls) and they were given the same suggestion. We don't know if that is a good idea or if it is proper etiquette or not. What do you think? Now I know the standard is the hall charges half the price of the plate for the band/dj etc. so it isn't that much extra money but saving every dollar does help, especially if you are paying for your own wedding. The total amount of people I booked between the band/dj, photographer & videographer is 13, so it would save me some money. I'm just nervous if I do follow their suggestion, everyone I booked to work at my wedding will get offended. So what does everyone think?? I appreciate any opinions!! :-)

Thanks

I may be in the minority here but I did not feed my band. They only played for 4 hours since I did not have them during the cocktail hour. I think people are perfectly able eat before they come to work. I paid them plenty to be there. I did feed the photographer becasue they started early at my house and worked a long day.

Where are you located? I'm looking for daisies...any suggestions?

Yes, it depends how long they've been working and if they are working during the cocktail hour (do they have time to eat?)

Where are you located? I'm looking for daisies...any suggestions?

A very wise vendor once gave me some information with regards to feeding the vendors. He told me that you should not feed vendors, they are hired to do a job, not to eat. Then he pointed out to me that my employer does not buy my lunch! If you do feed them, you should consider that their tip, and I am sure that if you asked them they would rather have a tip than a meal. He even informed me that sometimes you pay for them and they never receive a plate. They would never tell you because that would be assuming that they were supposed to eat. With that said, let me try and answer your question. I think that it is tacky to ask the vendors to eat during the cocktail hour so that you do not have to pay for them. I think that either you feed them or you don't. I also disagree with Dorothy, I think that you feed them all or feed none of them. With 16 vendors, I think that I would skip them all!! Here is what I am doing and why. I am feeding my vendors. the Jazz band that we are using for the cocktail hour and during dinner are personal friends of my farther-in-law and some of them would have been invited regardless of weather they were playing or not, so we had to feed them. The DJ and Video guy I just used less than 8 months ago for another affair, so I feel a little more connected to them, and my photographer I just love. But the real reason is that I can not feed some with out feeding all. I also plan on tipping them as well. I hope that this helps! One more thing, if you do feed them, make sure that you tell them that that is what you are planning to do so that they can inform you if they are not fed, this way your money does not go to waste.

Jamelle

13 people is alot!

I agree - Even though I will only have 4 staff and I'm annoyed that I am required to feed them as well.

Check your contracts - make sure you're not obligated to feed anyone.

Good point about disgruntle/hungry employee!! But we have to remember to ask ourselves how professional are they if they get upset about a meal?!

Jamelle

Don't get me wrong. I agree! They're there to work, not eat!

I am also paying for my wedding and that $200 could go toward so many things - I hate it!

But if its the norm and they expect it, then you could be in for a bit of trouble. People can be very funny about this kind of stuff. And on your wedding day, the last thing you need is the staff cranky!

I Totally agree with you!!

Jamelle

Monica,

Speaking from a vendor point of view (DJ), I am always appreciative when I am invited by my clients to eat with them and NEVER forget to thank them for it! I don't feel it is necessary, however I'm not in much company with that opinion.

ADVICE: Whatever you decide to do, let your vendors know ahead of time so that there are NO surprises on your wedding day. Let them know if you are feeding them and that you have paid for it. I don't suggest feeding one and not the other.

Hello All!

At my hall I do not pay for any of my vendors to eat! It is included, no matter how many I have (and I have quite a few myself). It is not part of my head count and they are all fed whatever they would like off the menu. Personally, I can not imagine not feeding my vendors b/c they too are part of my day. However, that is easier for me to say since they are not part of my head count. If I had to pay for each of them, I too would probably think about it over and over again!

Was anyone else taken aback by Rob's response? I consider a tip a reward for a job well done. Isn't the $2,000 contract price enough to motivate you? Rob's suggestion to tell the DJ beforehand that you are going to tip them is scary. You mean to tell me that a DJ will only do "a little extra" if he knows that he is going to get a tip?

I was disgusted by a meeting with one DJ who mentioned a tip, two minutes into our conversation. Needless to say, I knew two minutes into the conversation that he was not the one for me. And reading Rob of "Starlight Productions" post, I am glad that HE is not the one either.

For the record, I fully intend on tipping AND feeding my DJ (because he had the class to NOT mention either)

Elizabeth,

Do you know me? I think it's wonderful that people agree and disagree on this board, after all it's difference of opinions that make it so successful. If you did not like my opinion, all you had to do was say so. After 7 happy years of entertaining, the first time I get knocked, it;s by someone I never met met...how disheartening.

I can understand why you are upset. When you have a moment, re-read Monica's original posting, then re-read mine and maybe my suggestions might make more sense.

Elizabeth, Please remember that we are actually human beings with all the faults and frailities of human beings. Rob was simply being honest about how real people react. Not him or myself, but perhaps people who work for us who normally DO receive a gratuity and might wonder if they didn't. We are simply trying to help in a sensitive area that no one talks about but everyone cares about.

I include a suggested gratuity letter in the material I hand out before the wedding. For most of you this is a your first wedding. For most of the vendors it could be that they've done hundreds. Everyone know to tip at a restaurant. But Eurpoeans don't because it is added on to the bill. If you ever have someone from Europe visiting, you need to let them know about the customs. The same theory applies here. After years of inconsistancy where a gratuity was given by chance, I decided to help the situation by talking about it and making suggestions. I don't mean to offend anyone. I just like everyone to be happy and satisfied and not have any surprises or false expectations (on both sides).

Peace, Mark

Mark,

I think it's great that you give out a suggested gratuity letter. I have no idea how much to tip any of my vendors. If you can give any suggestions to me and the other brides that are interested, I'm sure we would all appreciate it!

Kristen

Rob, don't worry, I think that your response was taken a little out of context. I appreciate the information that you have given us, and I also think that Mark K. has a good idea with the suggested tipping sheet that he gives to his clients. I have been hanging out on the board for 9 months, and on several occasions the issue of tipping has come up....Why? because for most of us this is the first time we are doing this and do not know what to expect, or what to tip. My wedding is in a month, and I spent the other day over a lunch with another fellow bride-to-be discussing what to tip. Elizabeth it is unfortunate that our society is set up in such a way that good performance needs to be rewarded, but it is, so we have to just go with the flow. In planning my wedding on several occasions I had to take it out of the personal side and bring it back to business, for example: If we do a good job at work we get a bonus, or increased profit sharing or a stock option (all forms of tips that our employer offers to have a job well done. Forget it our catering halls are the ones that are really taking us! The gratuities are written into the contract!! at least with these vendors we have the opportunity to tip them based on performance, not just because. While I understand what you are saying and can sympathize with it, I become more frustrated with vendors like limo's and the catering hall that write it in automatically.

Jamelle

Kristen, Thank you for the positive response. I'd be happy to fax or send or email what I've written up. Anyone can call me @ 473-7752 or email me privately. Mark

I was wondering if anyone knows anything about any of the following places listed in the latest edition of the Long Island Weddingpages:

Bedells at West Wind (Freeport), Clearwater (Massapequa), Harrison House (Glen Cove), Holbrook Country Club (Holbrook), La Grange Inn (West Islip), Maine Maid Inn (Jericho), or Bellport Country Club (Bellport).

Thank you everyone for your opinions! I really do appreciate it!! It helped me to make my decision. I've decided to not listen to the catering hall and pay for the plates. I also think it's a great idea that Mark has written up a suggested gratuity list. Hopefully for myself and everyone here this will be the only time we will need to use this for wedding planning!! :-)

Good luck to everyone!! Monica

There is a DJ on this site that rents equipment. Here is a link to his page.

Mark, thank you for helping me clarify what I was trying to get across. Sometimes it is difficult to put a thought into words properly.

I'm sure we have all had problems with e-mail. Aside from getting a thought into words, there are many elements missing from an e-mail that a telephone call or personal conversation have, such as, a persons tone of voice, body and facial expressions etc.

Your suggested tip sheet is a great idea. There is no discussion between you and the client, just something for them to think about and use at their own discretion.