Opinions Please on Engagement Parties! (Poll)

smilealways Posted: Dec 02, 2003 03:29 PM

Opinions Please on Engagement Parties! (Poll)

I am from San Diego and FI is from Long Island, though currently living with me in San Diego (we plan to move back to LI by mid-summer). We've decided to get married in LI b/c all of his family is there, our college friends are in CT, and my family is split between California and Florida, but I also don't want anyone to feel left out. So, we are honeymooning in Hawaii, then stopping in San Diego for a few days to have a second smaller 'wedding' for the people who couldn't make it, and I will probably have a bridal shower on both coasts. Now, my question is whether or not I should have an engagement party on each coast. Although it is not a popular tradition in California, I again don't want to leave anyone out (close friends and family)... What do you think I should do? Are there any other alternatives? Thanks so much for your help, as always! :o)

RedHead Posted: Dec 02, 2003 03:34 PM

Re: Opinions Please on Engagement Parties! (Poll)

Ask your family what they would like. You don't want anyone, ESPECIALLY
close family to feel left out.

JimmysBride Posted: Dec 02, 2003 03:37 PM

Re: Opinions Please on Engagement Parties! (Poll)

If you can swing it, I say do both. Twice the fun, twice the gifts!

Donna Posted: Dec 02, 2003 04:17 PM

Re: Opinions Please on Engagement Parties! (Poll)

First I want to say I don't believe in engagement parties - no offense to any of you that had one or is having one - I just don't see the need for people to have to give gifts.

I think if parties aren't the norm in San Diego then skip it, and if necessary have one when you're in Long Island.

KarenB Posted: Dec 02, 2003 04:20 PM

Re: Opinions Please on Engagement Parties! (Poll)

Donna, I agree 100% with you. My FH and I went to one engagment party, gave a gift. The other we missed and sent a gift. Neither couple even gave us a card and we are all getting married around the same time. Needless to say I am not overly impressed with these people.

Donna Posted: Dec 02, 2003 04:32 PM

Re: Opinions Please on Engagement Parties! (Poll)

Thanks Karen. I'm sorry your friends didn't acknowledge your engagement. My FH and I were very lucky that so many family and friends gave us $$ and gifts for our engagement without having a party.

ChristineC68 Posted: Dec 02, 2003 04:48 PM

Re: Opinions Please on Engagement Parties! (Poll)

I think an informal engagement party before you leave San Diego would be a really nice way to celebrate your engagement with your friends & family there.

I don't think party = gift. People will give you a gift if they want to or not, party or not. Kind of like birthdays - some people have big blow out parties, others are more low key. It doesn't mean my mother won't get me a birthday gift if I don't have a party, KWIM?

RedHead Posted: Dec 02, 2003 06:58 PM

Re: Opinions Please on Engagement Parties! (Poll)

jannshari Posted: Dec 02, 2003 07:08 PM

Re: Opinions Please on Engagement Parties! (Poll)

I agree that if it's not the norm there, I wouldn't do it. And I'm sorry, but for all the people who say that engagement parties are not about the gifts, let's be honest - if someone wants to celebrate your engagement, they'll offer to treat you to dinner or take you out or invite you over for a nice night; they'll make the effort to show you they care. Furthermore, how many times do we hear how people had an engagement party and so and so didn't even bother to give them a gift? Maybe some people really don't expect gifts, but I would bet that most people really do expect them when they throw an engagement party. If someone wants to send a gift, they will, regardless of whether there is a party or not. By having a party with yourself and your fiance as the guests of honor, it's kind of hard for someone to show up empty-handed. (I mean 'you' in the general sense.)

Anyway, now that I've gone completely off on a tangent, my response really is that I don't think people who are not used to engagement parties in general will feel 'left out' because you didn't have a party on each coast. I would just have one where the majority of the people you want to celebrate with are, but I didn't have an e-party, so maybe I'm not the best person to answer this question.