Outdoor weddings/babies

Mrs.Ptobe Posted: Aug 03, 2004 03:51 PM

Outdoor weddings/babies

Got news yesterday that FH's (if that's still what he is) SIL is pregnant! Not surprising, we were waiting that news as scary as it is - she's a TV/video game mother to her other 2 kids that have no social skills.

Well, FH and I are fighting ever since I found out. One of the big topics of this fight is that I don't want babies screaming at my ceremony. How do you encourage people that it's okay to bring their older children, just not any children whose noises cannot be controled. I have his other SIL's daughter planned to be my flower girl, so I feel funny sending the invite without including the older children. Is there a way to do this. I know FMIL will be annoying about anything I do - I don't do anything right as far as anyone who says they love me is concerned - so why do they 'love' me??? But I'm the sickie - really???

FH and my own father are trying to get me to take antidepressants again... isn't it nice when your family likes you better when your comatose???? When I tried those drugs (zoloft and lexapro) I slept for 13-15 hours a night and still couldn't wake up for work, weaning off made me dizzy and nausious and I don't feel I'm handling life's stress any worse than before. I'm so mad at everyone in my life right now I can scream. I'm mad at FH (if he still will even consider marrying me - I think he's going to call it off - AGAIN), mad at my dad and mad at my mom (who just got bad news from her doctor - the whole reason why I stress about not having kids... why bother... my parent's won't be alive to see them, just like my grandfather's weren't alive to see me! Why am I even planning a nice wedding, no one will be alive to see it and the people that will be - I hate! This is horrible. I know FH's going to call the whole thing off - I just know it... he said he wants to 'talk' when he gets home. That's a very bad sign! Last time - he took my e-ring back and held it for 10 months!

JRG71 Posted: Aug 03, 2004 03:55 PM

Re: Outdoor weddings/babies

You either have kids or you don't have kids. You can't really tell people that they can bring one of their kids and not another.

I didn't finish reading your post when I wrote this.....

Sorry you guys are fighting. Hope it all works out.

JRG71 Posted: Aug 03, 2004 04:00 PM

Re: Outdoor weddings/babies

nferrandi Posted: Aug 03, 2004 04:01 PM

Re: Outdoor weddings/babies

Wow, I don't mean this in any kind of mean way, but I think you have bigger things to deal with than worrying about a baby at your ceremony. You mentioned two different occasions that you think your FH is going to call the whole thing off-AGAIN. That's a real problem. First of all, if he wants to marry you he would not be calling off the wedding, he would be working with you to get past whatever problems you guys have. Second, since he has called it off once already, it seems like he may be using that as a tool. And that's just not cool. I don't know how you feel about all of this, but it seems to me like it's a game to him and I wouldn't put up with that. Whatever the other circumstances of your life are, you don't deserve to be strung along by someone who is supposed to love you. I would stop worrying about the baby and how his SIL mothers the children she's already got, and worry about improving your own relationship.

Corduroy94 Posted: Aug 03, 2004 04:02 PM

Re: Outdoor weddings/babies

I'm sorry you guys are fighting... I would have to agre - either let kids of all ages attend or none at all (exception being the FG/RB). I've been to weddings where 8 year olds have temper tantrums & scream and 6mo olds are quiet as a mouse & vice versa. Kids are always hard to predict.

ETA - I just reread the bottom of your post - do you think you have other things to deal with that are a little more serious than kids? JMO - don't mean it in an upsetting way - I'm sure you have enough on your shoulders.

Mrs.Ptobe Posted: Aug 03, 2004 04:03 PM

Re: Outdoor weddings/babies

Posted by JRG71

You either have kids or you don't have kids. You can't really tell people that they can bring one of their kids and not another.

See, I agree, but it's an outdoor ceremony, not like in a chapel where if a toddler starts screaming the mom can just excuse them from the building...

What if you make it a 'black tie optional' affair... does that imply that it's too 'elegant' for screaming children??? Can you talk to your invitees to explain to them that their children cannot be crying and making noises during the ceremony? I'd think this would be common sense, BUT I know that in FH's family common sense doesn't really exist. It's just we'll be paying a lot of money to do this this way. In a vineyard, with a harpist, video camera, etc. It's a little more costly than the 'traditional' ceremony... I'd hate to have the distractions of young children like that. If I don't invite any children... what about the kids in my BP???? I don't care if there are babies at the reception since that's noisy anyway and mom's can excuse themselves if their youngsters get out of hand. Can I arrange something with the venue that mom's with babies wait in a certain area for the cocktail hour to begin rather than allowing them into the ceremony area??? These are just the thoughts rattled off my little stressed out head... pls no one take offense... I'm just tired of fighting!

BCTM33 Posted: Aug 03, 2004 04:06 PM

Re: Outdoor weddings/babies

It sounds to me like you are a little depressed and should see a counselor. The whole death and everybody dying comments sound like you are having some issues. I am sorry you are fighting with your FH, from your date it looks like your wedding is a couple of years away. Maybe you could put off the decision of inviting children until your day gets closer and concentrate on yourself a bit. I hope you are not offended by my suggestion

JRG71 Posted: Aug 03, 2004 04:11 PM

Re: Outdoor weddings/babies

I just get the impression that you don't want children at your wedding and that's fine. My sister did the same thing. On her reception card she wrote 'Adult Reception' so there no kids at the ceremony.

I think that before you make any decisions about kids during the ceremony that you should talk to your FH and make some serious decisions. Not only about the two of you, but if your still planning this wedding, you have to come to some kind of consensus - together. Otherwise you guys will fight each other the whole way.

Good Luck!

Mrs.Ptobe Posted: Aug 03, 2004 04:12 PM

Re: Outdoor weddings/babies

No offenses taken... I've been through a lot. FH and I just spoke, he said that he just wants to clear the air with me and that nothing bad is going to come out of our conversation. We have a house together for a while now, so we are going through the 'first year of marriage blahs' now rather than after the wedding. It's hard sometimes when you can't run home and lock yourself away from the world, but I guess that's what this is all about - is learning to deal. A few other things came out of our arguement... I've been denying to the world how much I hate my job so I'm trying to come to terms as to what my next step should be there. The problem is that I came back to this job as a favor to a friend that I work for... but I hate the responsibilities and I'm not using my Master's degree that FH is helping me pay the loan off of. Sorry, if I came off like a psycho. As FH said on the phone... my timings been really off lately. He has a huge job interview tomorrow, I know he's nervous and I know I'm not being the supporting spouse to be that he is to me. I know I'm the wrong one here, but gosh am I in a rut!

Corduroy94 Posted: Aug 03, 2004 04:16 PM

Re: Outdoor weddings/babies

If it helps you're not alone. The first year my FI & I lived together def. had its ups & downs. It wasnt all Ken & Barbie playing house like we thought it would be. Tomorrows a new day though!

Mrs.Ptobe Posted: Aug 03, 2004 04:23 PM

Re: Outdoor weddings/babies

Posted by Corduroy94

The first year my FI & I lived together def. had its ups & downs. It wasnt all Ken & Barbie playing house like we thought it would be. Tomorrows a new day though!

Thank you for the positivity. I like that Ken and Barbie happy in their house ever after thing. I am glad in a lot of ways though that we are planning the wedding 2 years early. To be honest too, my sister is getting married a month before me, so we both really need to do this stuff early or else my parent's are going to need medication too. Another thread points out how so many couples fight as the wedding becomes closer. At least this way, we get a lot of the hairy 'silly' fighting stuff out of the way. I just think though that my bad timing hurt us in the sense that now - he may not want to continue looking at venues and such for now - he may tell me he wants to hold off until closer to or after his job situation's better or who knows what. He has so much else going on I have a bad feeling that he's going to make me hold off. That stinks b/c this planning and such has made me so excited an happy. Again though too, I'd rather get a lot of this nonsense out of the way and still like eachother by the time we're at the alter.