So I thought MIL or even MOH can be overbearing, but BESTMAN?
This is the story is my FH's bestman is overly enthusiastic about our wedding that he wants to run the whole show. He has an MC business on the side and honestly he's not our cup of tea. I don't want to say he's good or bad, he's just not my 'type of MC' Anyways even before we got engaged, he 'assumed' he was going to MC our wedding. I just thought that that was soo presumptuous of him to do that.
So anyways FH and I agreed to not 'hurt his feelings' and say that since he is the bestman that he will just be there for support and enjoy the wedding and that he will just plan the jack/jill show and bachelor's party. Also we told him there will be running around during the wedding day that we will need him there to help out. Anyways he won't take NO for an ANswer. He says, 'I can do it all!' and honestly I'm tired of having to be nice to him. Everytime I see him, he accosts me and says he'll do it for us to save $$$. But You know what $$ is not the issue. I have a budget for a MC that is our style. I don't want to hurt his feelings and FH has told him we are finding someone else, so I really hope we book an MC soon just to get him off our backs. I know he is excited but I feel that you gotta read people. If people don't want your help, you have to learn to be humble and accept it.
Not only that but he wants to do a MOVIE for the wedding and I already told hm 100times that I want to do my own slideshow and again he won't take no for an answer...
Am I being ungrateful? I just feel that it's my FH and my Wedding day and we should plan it the way we should. It seems odd that he is SO into it. Not even my MOH and BM gets in my way. They respect my space and let me come to them for help.
What else can I do?
ChristineAaron08
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Re: OVerBEARING BESTMAN!!!!! WHAt to do?
Seems like you have to do the most difficult thing and tell him point blank that you appreciate it and dont want it.
Very sticky situation. Good luck!
skinny237
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Re: OVerBEARING BESTMAN!!!!! WHAt to do?
U could also lie and tell him that the DJ u picked is your cousin's husband...or something like that.
HappyPlanner
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Re: OVerBEARING BESTMAN!!!!! WHAt to do?
The weirdest thing is that he won't take NO for an answer!
I'm just worried that the day of the wedding, he'll do some surprise..I guess the good thing is if he wants to do a movie, he will need our participation which he won't have.
I just feel bad, I know he means well, but he really needs to back off before I lose my temper and tell him exactly how I feel!
AMGBride2008
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Re: OVerBEARING BESTMAN!!!!! WHAt to do?
I think it's time that you and FH (or just FH) sit him down and let him know how you feel. Tell him that it means so much to you guys that he's so excited and willing to help, but you don't want him to stretch himself too thin... you need him in other ways for the wedding. Being that you already told him that, tell him that from experience it's impossible to do it all. Tell him you want to remember partying with him at your wedding, not having him run the party. Put your foot down and don't give in. If he doesn't let up, maybe you just need to be blunt and straight forward. GL!
HappyPlanner
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Re: OVerBEARING BESTMAN!!!!! WHAt to do?
The funny thing is when we say, 'you'll be too busy,' it's almost like he's trying to prove something. He says, 'I can do it ALL!' My MOH even told him 'It's not a ONE MAN SHOW.' It's like a little kid. THe more you don't want them to do something, the more he wants to do it.
SEriously he has issues! But yes I need to just talk to him. I think if my FH does it, it may sorta make their friendship awkward. I told FH that I don't mind looking like the bad one. WIsh me luck!
Kara and Todd
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Re: OVerBEARING BESTMAN!!!!! WHAt to do?
Your FH needs to sit him down and tell him to back off. Period.
It's nice that he's enthusiastic and excited about your wedding, but it's YOUR wedding, not his. Your FH has to make that clear now before it goes on any further. Some people need you to be a bit more blunt before they get it. Don't be mean, of course, but be clearer. Have your FH do it.
PegaLega
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Re: OVerBEARING BESTMAN!!!!! WHAt to do?
Tell him NO that you have chosen vendors for a reason and you really want him to enjoy the day, if he keeps going on say to him, maybe you arent understanding me, I want you to enjoy yourself and I dont really need the extra nerves of worrying that you will be able to do it all. IF you are afraid that he will do something against your wishes the day of, tell your DJ, whoever youbook that any requests by any guests MUST go thru you first before they do anything, and explain the situation. Tell you BM at your hall and your Maitre D that if there are any special requests from anyone during your wedding or before it MUST go thru you, and tell them the situation again.
Soon2BeMrsFitzy
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Re: OVerBEARING BESTMAN!!!!! WHAt to do?
I think I'd rather deal with an overbearing BestMan than what we have. The Best man lives out of state and FH and him only talk through e-mails. Well, we are less than 3 months from the wedding and Best Man hasn't answered an e-mail since Sept. 14th. Our best man is MIA!
lwny427
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Re: OVerBEARING BESTMAN!!!!! WHAt to do?
If your FH is close enough with this guy to choose him to be best man, FH should just be upfront with him and tell him to take it down a notch or ten. I think honesty is the best policy here, and that if he hasn't taken hints, you just need to be direct.
BoxOfRocks
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Re: OVerBEARING BESTMAN!!!!! WHAt to do?
Agree with the posters above. Your FH or both you and FH are going to have to talk to him. FH is going to have to be involved. You shouldn't have to take the fall for being the bad guy. If this guy is super-enthusiastic and immune to hints, then he may easily dismiss your not wanting him to MC as bridezilla behavior (instead of the justified feelings they are) unless FH drives home that he feels exactly the same way as you do.
Try the 'We want you to relax'/'We need you to support us in other ways'/'No one can do it alone' speeches before breaking out 'You're not our style.' Good luck.
bogiedmb41
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Re: OVerBEARING BESTMAN!!!!! WHAt to do?
unfortunately in situations like this you have to be blunt and up front. i know that it might sound harsh and you don't have to be mean about it. you can even say you dont want to do business with friends you would rather him have a good time and that you will be getting an outside mc. good luck to you
HappyPlanner
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Re: OVerBEARING BESTMAN!!!!! WHAt to do?
Thanks so much for your feedback. It's all so helpful. I'll definitely make a note to the DJ/MC that anything he won't be getting up and doing anything except for the bestman speech (which I'm dreading even that).
I think I've just been tainted cuz I heard him give a speech at another wedding and it wasn't very good. He referred to his friend's wife as a 'party girl,' not sure if that is how you want to be described on your wedding day!!!
