Overreacting?

Hey ladies...
Hope you're all well...haven't really chatted on here been dealing w/ minor things here at home.
I recently had a situation upon returning from my HM and I would like some honest opinion. I know wedding is over but I have a few things I would like to ask you and see if I'm over reacting. There's nothing I can do now...but should I say something or just let it be?

1. Do you think it's ok for MOG to wear ivory/cream to the wedding?

2. Should BMs be allowed to come and go from the bridal suite when they want or should that be off limits to them?

3. A relative of mine is getting married soon. Her mom attended my wedding. Apparently, she 'yanked' out all the calla lillies from a few of the favors, of those relatives that allowed her to do so. When I got home, I asked my family if they had extra favors that I could keep as a reminder, because I didn't keep one in fear that not everyone of my guest would have one. Well a relative handed me two, of which I put to the side. The relative that went taking calla lillies from the favors, saw my two boxes on the side, and yanked them out too. I was very upset...and caused a scene in my house. Come to find out, from my mother, that she plans on using the flowers for her upcoming daughter's wedding?! W T F???!!!! Couldn't she buy her own.....When I told DH about this...he was furious. Not only had I taken the time and money to make them, but someone had the ballz to 'reuse' them...How ghetto is that?! DH is now telling me that he doesn't want me to go to that wedding because he says I'll probably be upset when I see the flowers in her favors....
My sister says, once you give favors to someone it's up to them whatever they want to do with it....but I don't buy that...It's done with but.....
Opinions? Am I overreacting? Should I not go to this wedding?

Hummm They one thing i dont think you are over reacting about is why the heck is she touching Your two favors that were put on the side .. Those are your memories who the heck is she to touch your stiff honestly i would call her and say that you wanted to save two for memories and they were taken and you want two flowers back screw her and make her feel stupid//

I do not think you are overreacting at all. Wow, one of your relatives took the calla lillies out of some of the favors. How low is she going to go for her daughter's wedding. That was so very low of her to do.

Your BM's should be there with you and the rest of the guests at the wedding. There is no reason for them running back and fourth to the bridal suite.

MOG to wear cream or ivory. I feel that is totally up to the bride. I feel that MOG should have spoken to bride before she purchased dress to see how bride would feel about it. I understand that the attention should be in white, cream, or ivory. Others should stay away from these color dresses because you do not want to take away attention from the bride.

I feel that you every right to feel the way you are feeling.

~dancer and chef~
charlotte and michael

1) the whole ivory/white outfit thing for guests is really up to the bride.... overall, in the US, it's in poor taste to wear head to toe white or ivory..... but not everyone knows that.

MIL wore an ivory satin gown to our wedding. It didn't bother me one bit. I know she's not trying to 'compete'. She's polish, and likely that is not tabu over there. I think she looked great.
This topic has come up before on LIW, and some brides said they would send the guests home, and others couldn't care less.... in the end, it's the bride's call....

2) my BM's didn't even know where our suite WAS. Only my mom did. We liked it that way

3) totally agree.... that's pretty ghetto.... I'd feel a bit violated too... but what's done is done, and you just have to decide how irritating that was, and whether it is worth further conflict (by not going to the thief's wedding!)...
I hope you had a great time, despite these incidents....

I can see why you'd be upset, but your sister is kinda of right, the wedding is over, just let it go and focus on the good things that happened. As for someone reusing the favors, that is real ghetto, I would go to the wedding, and when you see the favors, tell the bride how nice your flowers look on them

IMHO, I'd really let #1 and #2 go. In the grand scheme of things it's not really that big of a deal and the fact is that it's over now. You can't change who went where and who wore what.

HOWEVER, #3.......VERY GHETTO! That woman really had a lot of nerve! Especially to touch the ones that were set aside for you! Unbelievable. I seriously had to read that part of the post twice b/c I thought I was reading it wrong. As for going to that woman's daughter's wedding......I really don't know. I mean did the daughter do it too? Did her daughter know that her mom was stealing the flowers? B/c when it comes down to it, you go to a wedding for the bride and groom and technically (if the daughter either wasn't there or didn't know about it) it wasn't her daughter's fault. Personally, if it was me and the daughter was in no way involved with the 'theft' I would go to the wedding. Ignore the mother. She's an idiot. But go for the bride. It's her wedding day and she obviously wanted you there. Remember......you can't pick your family!!!

1. MOG wearing any shade of white, ivory or cream is totally unacceptable

2. yes, bridesmaids should be able to go in suite unless you are asking for alone time with hubby

3. if other guests allowed her to take them, thats on them, though i would not reuse items
but she should not have touched the ones off to the side

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Posted by daniebc16

I can see why you'd be upset, but your sister is kinda of right, the wedding is over, just let it go and focus on the good things that happened. As for someone reusing the favors, that is real ghetto, I would go to the wedding, and when you see the favors, tell the bride how nice your flowers look on them

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Ditto on exactly what she said!!!! AHAHHAHA i would love to be there when you tell her about your flowers!!! AHAHAHAHAHA

I have one question for you - what do you hope to gain by being upset about this now that the wedding is over?

If there's something really important you can gain, then go ahead and confront people -- However, think long and hard about what getting upset at this point is really going to do.

Yes, all of those things (except the BMs) would upset me, but there's nothing you can do now. I would be very tempted to say something to the person who wants to reuse your flowers, but even then - I'm not sure what that would accomplish. All I would definitely say is that she took some flowers out of YOUR keepsake favors and you want those back now.

Please try to focus on the positive things about the day instead of dwelling on all the little things that bothered you. It's unfair to all the wonderful things that happened to let them be overshadowed in your memory by these things.

1) Depends on the bride. But she should hae checked with you first. I think it depends on the personality of the MOG asking--was it truly a situation where the MOG couldn't find anything else flattering, or was it truly an attention-grabbing move? You might have to let this one go.

2) Is the issue here the RH allowing the BMs to go into the suite or the BMs leaving the reception? At our RH, the bridal party was allowed to hang out there beforehand. Access was little more restricted during the cocktail hour and ceremony b/c generally DH or me were the ones authorized to ask the bridal attendant to be let in (it was locked otherwise). I would feel a little weird if the BMs and GMs were hanging out in there for extended periods of time and missing the reception, or if they were going to and fro without the bridal attendant checking with me or DH first. There were valuables in there and we wanted to at least be alerted about comings and goings. Again, you may have to let this one go.

3) Yikes. Yes, that's really tacky. Yes, technically they're hers to do what she wants with them once they've been given away, but it's still tacky to use a technicality to justify that behavior. As for the two favors at your place, did she know they were yours? Even if so, no, she shouldn't have taken them out at your home. It's doubly heinous if she knew they were yours and just pulled the lilies out anyway.

As someone who has been a bridesmaid in many weddings, we have always had access to the bridal suite and I think that's the right thing to do. I think it should remain locked at all times (we usually knew which bridal attendant to ask to open it) but for people who have spent a lot of money and time to be your BMs, they should be allowed to put things in there, take things out of there, etc.

The ivory/cream thing is annoying but wouldn't bother me that much in the long run because I would know everyone was looking at me, not her.

The other thing is just plain tacky. People have no class. That's the thing I would complain about now. The other 2 are not such a big deal and are over and done with.

Hmmmmmmmmmm

People are really ridiculous. I hope that you have many many GREAT memories of the wedding and honeymoon
Just let the rest go-
its too stressful...

( easier said than done) I am sure.

But just be happy to be married and enjoy youtr hubby.

The only thing I disagree with is the BM coming and going from the bridal suite. I always assumed the bridal suite was for the bridal party, not just bride & groom (unless you made it known that it was just for you guys)

for the OTHER 2 instances... TACKY TACKY TACKY...

I can't believe the MOG would wear something CLOSE to white!! If it was just a guest, it's understandable... biut the MOG????

As for your 'sticky fingers' aunt... If she ASKED people if she could take the callas from the favors-- understandable... but for her to use her grubby little fingers taking them from RANDOM favors.

totally rude...

It is weird for the MOG to wear a shade of white, but didn't you know what she was wearing beforehand? Just a thought...

As for the stealing of wedding favor flowers, I would highly recommend confrontation in a respectful and assertive way. Not showing up at the wedding shows how absolutely steamed you are about 'something,' as this person may not own up to why, but it is also immature and won't make you feel any better. At least if you are direct with this person you won't ever ask yourself why you didn't stand up to her, or remain angry and feel like you can't do anything about it.

Hope this helps...

OMG, that is so tacky, and if i was the bride i definatly wouldn't want your favors at my wedding. Everyone will know, and think you are such a cheapscate...oh that would make me soooooooooo furious

Ok MOG wearing cream/ivory I think is definitely up to the bride IMO. If you are ok with it then there is no problem...however if there was never a situation that it came up in and MOG wore it anyway there would have been words and MOG would have walked downt he aisle wrapped in newspaper

As far as the BP at all going in and out of the bridal suite I also think that is something that should be passed thru you first. Your things are up there-and even tho you should always be aware of it-its supposed to be locked for YOUR things. They should have told you they needed to get in there for whatever it was that they needed.

And you favors...VERY GHETTO...but some people just have nothing better to do wit themselves then use someones great ideas as their own. Its rude and really in poor taste-especially since you will be invited...I dont know if I would go-im a bit spiteful. If you think that you can go and NOT have the site of your flowers ruin your nigt then go...if not then RSVP NO!

i would've been fuming if DH's mother wore white or ivory to our wedding, however, isnt this somehting you would have known prior to the wedding and could have talked to her about?

The BM's going in and out of the bridal suite is completely normal -- our bridal party had access to the suite until it was locked during the reception. Its there for you, your DH, and your bridal party.

The favor thing. WOW. I would be FUMING. I would still go to her daughter's wedding because if you dont it will look like you're thowing a little termper-tantrum by not attending....but i WOULD have words with this woman beforehand. Call her and tell her what she did was unacceptable (taking the 2 that you had set aside for yourself) and you expect them back immediately.

Sorry you had to go thru all this -- i would be upset as well.

Thanx ladies, nice to see some of these replies! I thought of some of these things also...but I guess it's a matter of opinion and taste.
To be honest, my day was just fine, nothing horrible happened, and I don't really dwell on those things, I was just reflecting the other day, so I just needed to ask other brides.

To answer some of the questions, MIL never told me what color dress she was wearing b/c everytime I called to ask her, she would tell me she didn't buy her dress yet. I needed to know because I had to tell the florist for her flowers, but I wasn't trying to get into an argument about it with her either, so since she never had an answer for me, or when I would ask DH to ask her, she did not know, I just never asked, and I ordered the ribbon for her corsage cream. It really wasn't an issue with her wearing that color because most MOBs or MOGs wear creams. Besides, she's really not that knowledgeable of the wedding etiquette, so I just let it be...she wears creams to all weddings..that explains it!
So for #1 and #2, it happened so I'll just let bygones be bygones...no sense in dwelling over spilt milk.... And everything went perfectly, so gpurple you're right!

As for #3, I think I might go to that wedding and just tell the bride how beautiful I think my flowers looked on my favors....HEHEHE....but that is childish, regardless of how pitiful her mother acted! We'll see.....