Parents, need to vent

So I am pretty new on here, but have been finding it extremely helpful.

I am having way too much stress way too early on, we havent even booked a hall yet and im dealing with aggravation.

Let me say my parents have been divorced over 20 years and my dad hates weddings. My mom has been super supportive of whatever we want to do. We are inviting about 200 people and this week I wanted to make another preliminary guest list (like the most definites).. I want to have out wedding at Riviera but if we go over 200 people the place will be to small in my opinion. we are planning on booking within the next week or so.

So last night i worked it out with my mom, tonight i went to my dads and the first thing out of his mouth is this is too much money - (mind you my mom, FMIL, and me and FH will all be paying for the wedding and I was hoping and Im sure my dad will help too..) and went on and on about how when he get married it was the worst year of his life all that planning for one day, and he hated the whole day. My stepmother was acting on my side tonight, but i am so sick of everyones input and negativity.

I told him great thats your opinion but this is what we want and this is what we are doing, then he goes on and on about how i dont know what money is about - i said to him wow your the first person to ever tell me that. This whole time me and fh have been keeping on track with our budgeted amount.

I left it as well i just need your guest list do what you want. I am so close to going to city hall - seriously isnt this supposed to be fun?

Sorry for the venting but UGHHHHHH
Thanks for reading..

First let me say I have said that I'm ready to go down to city hall a million times already, mainly because of other people's issues, but then i take a step back and remind myself that neither FH nor I deserve to remember our wedding, the moment we've waited for since 8th grade, that way.

Now as for your dad, he seems like he's bitter from his miserable experiences in life, and that's too bad. He needs to take a step back and realize that just because HE was unhappy in life, that doesn't mean anyone else is or should be. His negative experiences do not reflect other peoples and he should be respectful and bite his tongue instead of making other's miserable with his BS. I mean the fact that his wedding day as the worst day of his life, should have been a huge red flag in his eyes that obviously something was horribly wrong because MOST people, that's the best and most memorable day. He is just brinigng other people down to make himself feel better, and it's just stupid and unfortunately that's how most miserable peopel are in life.

I know this sounds awful, but screw him. Do what you want, be happy like you deserve to be, and if he can't say anything nice, he shouldn't say anything at all. Who is he to make the calls for your life? It's not very nice nor supportive, and is definitely going to annoy people. A few people have been this way to us, and so we are just sending them an invitation to our wedding as we are everyone else adn we refuse to get them involved in the planning etc. of our special day. I don't care to hear their b-ing and moaning, and if htey don't want to come, so be it. I'd just not even talk to him about it and just send him an invitation and when he wants to know why you haven't included him, you'll have a million reasons why. You don't need him to help you, do whatever makes you happy, and leave the negative people at the door.

I hope things get better, hold your head up and do what makes you happy! feel better!!

Your father is being ridiculously selfish. His reaction to your wedding must really hurt you since we all look for excitement from our parents to see us marrying the person we love. Youre not asking him for advice on money and I see as much as you would like monetary help from him, its not mandatory of him so whats his fricken deal? Dont sacrifice the wedding of your dreams because of his attitude. But I also think you should have a deeper conversation with him about how you feel because the last thing you would want is him sitting at your wedding with a scowl on his face. Dont go to city hall.

I just wanted to let you know I totally relate about the whole dad/money issue- my father has been really difficult because he can't see a wedding logically costing over 8K, which is ludicrous. He has made statements such as:

*The catering shouldn't be more than 20 a person, at most. What is this 65 a person nonsense?

*You should have friends of yours play some wedding music for free, how about that one friend you have who plays guitar (who isn't even part of a band)

*You shouldn't invite more than 50 people, that's too many as it is.

So even with a small 75 person wedding wading in a teensy barely doable budget and cutting out add ons and lots of DIY and all of that, he still thinks I'm wasting money, and can't seem to realize how unrealistic his requests are. Too bad we're hoping and needing lots of financial support from him.

So I just empathize is all. Hope things work out for you!

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Posted by melodicharmony

I just wanted to let you know I totally relate about the whole dad/money issue- my father has been really difficult because he can't see a wedding logically costing over 8K, which is ludicrous. He has made statements such as:

*The catering shouldn't be more than 20 a person, at most. What is this 65 a person nonsense?

*You should have friends of yours play some wedding music for free, how about that one friend you have who plays guitar (who isn't even part of a band)

*You shouldn't invite more than 50 people, that's too many as it is.

So even with a small 75 person wedding wading in a teensy barely doable budget and cutting out add ons and lots of DIY and all of that, he still thinks I'm wasting money, and can't seem to realize how unrealistic his requests are. Too bad we're hoping and needing lots of financial support from him.

So I just empathize is all. Hope things work out for you!

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$20 a person for a catering hall! i wish!

I agree with everyone else.. this is your special day, and ultimately it is your decision on the wedding you want to have... if he is not paying for the wedding then he should not have a say on what you spend your money on.

Good luck!

i am so sorry you have to deal with this... throughout my planning my mother always reminded me of one thing - and now i tell every bride... you MAKE THE DECISION to enjoy your planning. You are going to hear the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly...EVERYONE is going to put in their 2cents... not to mention people who've had bad experiences with their marraiges. All you have to do is memorize the quote 'Thanks..I'll keep that in mind' and put a smile on your face this is about you & your hubby to be, and NOONE else.. don't let people or a bad day rob you of that joy Not everything is going to go perfect or smoothly, and you can't please everyone so clearly this can be the best time of your life, or the most stressful...so make the decision early on to just enjoy it, let things roll of your back, & make it one of the most memorable years of your life...and when all is said and done, you can sit back on your wedding day, look around & take it all in, and know that it's the day that marks a beautiful start of your future together (not to mention a week after the wedding people will be over their petty sh*t )