Pastor doesnt seem to want to marry us, need advice

kat124 Posted: Dec 17, 2007 02:14 PM

Pastor doesnt seem to want to marry us, need advice

So we have been legally married (JOP) for almost 5 years, he was raised Pentecostal and I was raised Catholic.

We are finally having our large(er) wedding with a religious ceremony. His mother past away and she was devout so I figured it would be nice for their pastor to marry us (plus I'd heard the Catholic Church would not marry us) so I went to talk to him yesterday and asked if he could perform for our ceremony.
Before he answered he took a long pause, and looked hesitant but then answered yes. My husband and I got the impression that he really did not want to marry us, but felt obligated and said yes.
We were very disappointed and personally I dont want someone to bless our marriage who really doesnt want to do it.
So I called my mother's church (catholic) and they said, yes we can marry a catholic and a non catholic, no prob. So now I think I want to go talk to them and see what they tell me...
I need advise on what to do next, should I ignore his attitude and go through with it, should I look for someone else to perform it, or....?

Thanks ladies....

diva7531 Posted: Dec 17, 2007 02:18 PM

Re: Pastor doesnt seem to want to marry us, need advice

You could call and ask him. Just tell him you felt like he said yes more becuase he 'Had' to insteadof because he wanted to. Sometimes men of the cloth come off as weird to other people. I would say give him a chance to either justify or bow out and then you will 'Know' what to do. Good Luck

KSquared Posted: Dec 17, 2007 02:34 PM

Re: Pastor doesnt seem to want to marry us, need advice

I really don't think a religous leader would marry a couple if he didn't want to. His obligations to God outweigh any obligations he may feel to any person. He could have paused for any reason, and it may have felt longer to you since you were waiting for an important answer.
I really don't think you need to worry about it, he would not marry you if he didn't believe he should or believe in your marriage. Try to just celebrate the positive here.

Lemons Posted: Dec 17, 2007 02:37 PM

Re: Pastor doesnt seem to want to marry us, need advice

I agree with diva7531. I would ask him about his response first and then based on his answer, make your decision.

kat124 Posted: Dec 17, 2007 02:53 PM

Re: Pastor doesnt seem to want to marry us, need advice

The only reason I hestitate to ask is because I dont want there to be bad blood between the family and the pastor. It is a small church and it might be unconfortable in addition he is invited to the reception.

We are going to an event on Sunday for a pre-xmas dinner, so I will ask him them, pull him to the side and assure him that if he is unconfortable with marrying us (Catholic and non catholic) we will understand.

Thanks for the advice ladies...

cammolax23 Posted: Dec 17, 2007 04:45 PM

Re: Pastor doesnt seem to want to marry us, need advice

maybe he was thinking about what the date was... maybe he was trying to think off the top of his head if he had anything else booked for the date you requested.

jtgarsik Posted: Dec 17, 2007 07:07 PM

Re: Pastor doesnt seem to want to marry us, need advice

Posted by KSquared

I really don't think a religous leader would marry a couple if he didn't want to. His obligations to God outweigh any obligations he may feel to any person. He could have paused for any reason, and it may have felt longer to you since you were waiting for an important answer.
I really don't think you need to worry about it, he would not marry you if he didn't believe he should or believe in your marriage. Try to just celebrate the positive here.

agreed...i wouldn't worry about it. Pastors wouldn't do something because they felt bad or felt they had to....he could've paused for any reason but u may have interpretted it otherwise since the situation was in the back of ur head. no worries