People who really care will come no matter what...

I've often heard people say this to others when planning the wedding.

Now that I'm getting married and have received declines from people who are very important to us, I have to say I cringe whenever I hear that line. I feel that it implies that if people cannot come, that they do not really care.

While I feel that some people who declined probably could attend if they REALLY want to, I think there are those people who would truly want to be there with us, but are unable to attend due to various (valid) reasons. I don't think they should be lumped into the same category as others who may not *really* care.

don't worry - there are def two categories of decliners ... those that truly tried to come but couldn't make it, and those that didn't even both trying and just RSVPed no.

I'm sure the people who cared about you but couldn't make it felt really horrible about it.

I can say the RSVP's will probably upset me more than they should next year.

There definitely are 2 different 'NO' responders, I think. One who should come, could come, and are not coming and the other truly cant make it for valid reasons. Either way, it stinks when you wanted them there.

Did you send out save the dates? Just curious because I feel like its worse when you actually gave a lot of notice, and people STILL say no!

The people that want to be there WILL be there, but of course take into consideration that there will be people who just can't make it for one valid reason or another.

Im sorry if someone let you down :( try and think of how great the day will be no matter what

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Posted by snowflakes11

Did you send out save the dates? Just curious because I feel like its worse when you actually gave a lot of notice, and people STILL say no!

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we did send out STD's... and there certainly have been some bothersome declines.

but for the most part, many of our declines are for understandable reasons. when people say, 'those who really care will be there,' it just bothers me b/c i know that there are times that those who really care, unfortunately, will not be there.

we're are very grateful for every 'acceptance' we've received so far, and definitely appreciate the efforts people are making to come to our wedding.

I agree with you. It bothers me when I read that sentence over and over again. There are many reasons why a person cannot attend a wedding even when they care about the couple.

Out of town weddings and destination weddings are an easy example. I missed several weddings I wish I could have been able to attend, One was in Canada and was at a time when I simply couldn't afford to spend the money involved in traveling.

When we're planning our weddings, I think some people forget the costs involved for certain guests. I think you have a fantastic understanding of the fact that just because people can't share your day, it doesn't mean that they don't care about you.

i was JUST thinking about that today!!!!! i think it's SO wrong to say that, implying that people don't care if they don't come. sure it's true that some people don't care, but it's out of people's control sometimes. two main factors i think are work and children. it's not easy for some people to just take a day off or a half day for somebody's wedding if it's on a friday or some people's jobs require them to work on weekends. as for children, i know i am not the type of person to just hire a babysitter. my sister can only go to events if me, my mom or her mother in law are free to watch her 2 children all evening. it doesn't sound like much, but sometimes it doesn't work out.

my friend got married a few years ago on a friday. her ceremony was at a church at 11am in queens, and her reception was at a winery on the north fork. i'd have to take the entire day off to attend both. i was fairly new at a job and we had a deadline and i COULD NOT take the entire day off. i ended up leaving an hour early and HAULING my *** to the winery, but she STILL got upset that i didn't attend the ceremony. this was totally out of my control. I'm not going to get fired from a job for somebody's wedding, and it's upsetting that she'd think i just didn't care enough.

obviously this topic is dear to my heart! again, i can't believe you posted this, it's like you read my mind.

I think for the most part, it's true. There are some weddings I could go to come hell or high water. Of course there are exceptions. People who would do anything to be there, but can't. Like, we had a VERY close friend who might not have been able to come since she might have been moving that week to far upstate NY with her newborn. I know that under normal circumstances she would not miss it.

I do think, in general, people who really want to be at a wedding will make the effort no matter how inconvenient.

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Posted by HSsweethearts

I think for the most part, it's true. There are some weddings I could go to come hell or high water. Of course there are exceptions. People who would do anything to be there, but can't. Like, we had a VERY close friend who might not have been able to come since she might have been moving that week to far upstate NY with her newborn. I know that under normal circumstances she would not miss it.

I do think, in general, people who really want to be at a wedding will make the effort no matter how inconvenient.

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This.

I agree with you! FH is always telling me I'm overreacting when I get nos! He says that if these guests were that important and cared about us they would be here! not true! Airfare is pricey and so is lodging! I am missing a friends wedding because its two weeks before mine and I just can't afford yo fly to California!

I agree with you! FH is always telling me I'm overreacting when I get nos! He says that if these guests were that important and cared about us they would be here! not true! Airfare is pricey and so is lodging! I am missing a friends wedding because its two weeks before mine and I just can't afford yo fly to California!