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Personal-Housing situation

Original post by arosa

Thread views: 4,858

Well Ladies, I have not been to upfront with you all. I have been posting for a while and the majority of you have been really cool, but I am going through a situation right now that has been so great.
I live in a homeless shelter. I have been engaged for over three years and I have been planning fo rthis wedding even before that. I always knew that I would some kind of reception. Even if it was ghetto-fabulous, it was going to be my party and we were going to celebrate our wedding day.
Due to the situation, my FH thinks that we should not spend the money that we have on a wedding recption (even though he wants a reception almost as bad as I do). We have the money for the reception, but we do not have a place to live.
I feel that I do need some kind of enjoyment in my life and planning this wedding has been fun and overwhelming. The prices are very high as we all know, but I think we will probably do the whole KofC thing because that is all we can afford. We cannot afford the whole banquet hall thing unless we plan to have it during the week in the afternoon a week in advance.
I really do not know what to do. I guess I am not your typical 'homeless' person. I've been working since we have entered the shelter system and I am getting my master's degree this December. I am not some bum from the street. When I tell somebody that we live in a shelter, they are surprised.
I really do not know what to tell vendors, either. Do I say we live in a shelter? Will they give us more of a break knowing our situation? I cried myself to sleep the other day because I feel like my pride is shot. I would love to go to GTG wiht the ladies on theknot and I can't. I feel like crap. Like, what am I supposed to tell these ladies where I live. I look at the pics fromthe GTG's and I so wish I could go and brag about wedding details.
I do not know why but I had to come out and tell you ladies. I do not need sympathy, just some sort of direction as to what should I do about this wedding. I mean, I have plans, but sometimes I think they are not gonna come into fruition. I am tired of waiting to get married, but I do want something memorable with our family and friends.

Preshy7 Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

thanks for sharing your story and i know it took alot of integrity to get that out.

this may be unsolicited advice but have you considered using your savings to afford an apartment? that will help with your addres issue and where you live issue.

as for the big wedding, yes we all want one but its important to get on your feet financially first. it will help your physical as well as your mental state if you can live on your own.

there is nothing wrong with having a wedding in the k of c but there are plenty of options for you like weddings during the week or on fridays or sundays.

but save the wedding plans for when you can actually afford it.

please dont put yourself into further debt. your personal financial issues are more important.

also - does fh live with you at the shelter? do you have family you can live with? friends that can let you rent a room discounted?

Preshy7 Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

meant to edit above and posted another by accident.

SomethingBlu Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Posted by divabride

First and foremost I just wanted to say that it took a lot of guts to share your situation with us. I truly do commend you for that.

I hope you dont take this wrong, but I would seriously consider having a good long talk with your FH. You mentioned he was very secretive about the money he has, and that's not really a good sign. If your in this together, than money should be no issue between either of you.

With that said, I would consider finding an apartment for you guys to live in. If you really have your heart set on a wedding, I would suggest you get married at city hall or something, and maybe ask a relative to 'host' a small reception at their house. Later on the down the line when finances are available, you can have your dream wedding and not have to sell yourself short of the things you truly want your wedding to be. I wish you the best of luck, and we are always here when you need us!

I agree with diva 100%, especially given your situation, he needs to be upfront. Pride has no room in your lives right now.

First off, A HUGE . What a brave thing to do and admit. Please remember to pray and ask God to help you. He never leaves us or gives us more than we can handle.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, it's very easy, especially in NY, to become homeless. Even more so if you don't have backing from your family. Life in general is hard, in NY it triples.
About your particular situation, I would stop the planning NOW! You need a home, your baby needs a home. Get your life in order first so that the marriage becomes a celebration of all things accomplished, not just the union of you and your fi. Besides the great advice of buying a house and having a reception there, also look into low-income housing. There is always new construction going on and a certain number of units generally have to go to people with low incomes. I'm sure you've checked with your shelter as well. If you have $10K, you can do something with that. Honestly, my sister had a wonderful reception in Brooklyn in a restaurant and she paid under $3K for everything. So $10K on a wedding when you need a permanent place to live is not the best solution for you.
You should get that celebration that you so badly want, but prioritize. How wonderful would it feel to have the wedding and go home to your new place as opposed to the shelter?
The answer is out there, and if we have to help you find it we will...you have my support!

cindyandkevin Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

It means so much to me that you shared that with us, and we're proud of you for it! Thank you for trusting us with your living situation. I think that you 2 have waited long enough and you need to have your wedding reception, bc you deserve it!!! You can have a fabulously beautiful wedding at a KoC and leave out all the extra stuff that really isn't necessary. Your wedding can be as grande or as small as you'd like it to be, the important thing is that you will be married to the man of your dreams. As far as vendors, if you want to share your story with them and hope for a discount go for it, I'm sure some will be able to give you a deal. And if not, then don't book 'em, you never have to see them again! Don't worry, nobody here thinks any less of you, we all have unfortunate circumstances that hinder that fantasy world we've created. It doesn't matter what kind of flowers you carry or who gives out the best favors, you don't need fancy invitations or a stretch limo. All that's required is true love between you and your intended; as long as you've got that then your wedding will be as gorgeous as any other!!! A lot of us are bargain shoppers and do-it-yourselfers to save a dime, so we'll def help you out with tips/ideas you need. Thanks again for filling us in, I really hope we helped and you feel better!!!!!!!!

ML110 Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Posted by Blu-ize

If you can't afford an apartment, even a 1 bedroom somewhere safe, how can you be planning a wedding. Where are your priorities? You have a child, think of that first. When you have a child, the child comes first. Put a roof over his head first, then plan your reception. Go to the justice of the peace and get married. Have the reception later. I wish you luck.

i totally agree with this!! i think you need to get your priorities in order first... you have a child and that child needs a roof over his head- even if that roof is an apartment... a reception lasts 5 hours, an apartment or house is where you live EVERYDAY!! and i definitely agree that if you take the money you saved and get out of the homeless shelter and get a place of your own you will feel better about yourself and have more pride in yourself...
but first things first- a roof over your childs head is MUCH MUCH more important than a 5 hour party....

lullabella Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Posted by Blu-ize

If you can't afford an apartment, even a 1 bedroom somewhere safe, how can you be planning a wedding. Where are your priorities? You have a child, think of that first. When you have a child, the child comes first. Put a roof over his head first, then plan your reception. Go to the justice of the peace and get married. Have the reception later. I wish you luck.

I totally agree. Work on getting some permanent housing first. I am actually a little shocked that you are even considering having a wedding when you are living in a shelter??? Sorry I am not trying to be mean but just realistic. I wish you lost of luck.

Kris77 Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Posted by lullabella

Posted by Blu-ize

If you can't afford an apartment, even a 1 bedroom somewhere safe, how can you be planning a wedding. Where are your priorities? You have a child, think of that first. When you have a child, the child comes first. Put a roof over his head first, then plan your reception. Go to the justice of the peace and get married. Have the reception later. I wish you luck.

I totally agree. Work on getting some permanent housing first. I am actually a little shocked that you are even considering having a wedding when you are living in a shelter??? Sorry I am not trying to be mean but just realistic. I wish you lost of luck.

I am sorry, but, I have to agree with the girls who have asked where your priorities are. I almost feel like this is a joke, because no person in their right mind would even CONSIDER a wedding before getting themselves an apartment so their child could sleep in his own bed at night.

I am not trying to be mean either, but, you CAN afford to get an apartment, but youre debating having a wedding?

Sorry, I cant feel bad for you.

lilacwine Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Posted by Kris77

Posted by lullabella

Posted by Blu-ize

If you can't afford an apartment, even a 1 bedroom somewhere safe, how can you be planning a wedding. Where are your priorities? You have a child, think of that first. When you have a child, the child comes first. Put a roof over his head first, then plan your reception. Go to the justice of the peace and get married. Have the reception later. I wish you luck.

I totally agree. Work on getting some permanent housing first. I am actually a little shocked that you are even considering having a wedding when you are living in a shelter??? Sorry I am not trying to be mean but just realistic. I wish you lost of luck.

I am sorry, but, I have to agree with the girls who have asked where your priorities are. I almost feel like this is a joke, because no person in their right mind would even CONSIDER a wedding before getting themselves an apartment so their child could sleep in his own bed at night.

I am not trying to be mean either, but, you CAN afford to get an apartment, but youre debating having a wedding?

Sorry, I cant feel bad for you.

Agreed. I'm shocked that you and your family are able to live in a shelter when you have $10,000. It doesn't add up.

amyandbill Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

If I was you I would take that 10,000 and move out of the shelter. You can definately find a reasonable apartment. If your fh has money squirreled away...you should know about it!

serendipity0680 Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

I would think about possibly renewing your vows and having a big wedding reception when you can afford it. Try & cheer up

nov04LIbride Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Posted by Kris77

Posted by lullabella

Posted by Blu-ize

If you can't afford an apartment, even a 1 bedroom somewhere safe, how can you be planning a wedding. Where are your priorities? You have a child, think of that first. When you have a child, the child comes first. Put a roof over his head first, then plan your reception. Go to the justice of the peace and get married. Have the reception later. I wish you luck.

I totally agree. Work on getting some permanent housing first. I am actually a little shocked that you are even considering having a wedding when you are living in a shelter??? Sorry I am not trying to be mean but just realistic. I wish you lost of luck.

I am sorry, but, I have to agree with the girls who have asked where your priorities are. I almost feel like this is a joke, because no person in their right mind would even CONSIDER a wedding before getting themselves an apartment so their child could sleep in his own bed at night.

I am not trying to be mean either, but, you CAN afford to get an apartment, but youre debating having a wedding?

Sorry, I cant feel bad for you.

I agree. My mother for years worked for welfare to work programs and I know they don't let you use shelters and welfare as a crutch to save for a wedding and go to grad school. Because let me tell you, there would be a lot more of us in the shelters! That said, FH hasn't worked in 4 mos?! Work in a supermarket, work in McD's, but do something. Good luck, but if this is a real situation I think you have much bigger issues than getting to feel like a princess for a day.

BriBri529 Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Posted by OSCARtheGROOM

Don't feel ashamed about living in a shelter. I applaud you. It takes a lot of guts to admit to something like that. I'm sure everything will work out for the best.

I agree

cjik Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Thank you for posting. You have opened my eyes and made me remember a lot of people on this board are dealing with other life issues more important than the way we wear our hair or the photographer we choose.

What would I do in your place? I would get married and look for an apartment using the money needed for a wedding. When things pick up for you guys (and I'm sure they will), you can renew your vows and have the wedding reception you always wanted. But that's what I would do, you and your FH need to decide what to do.

I understand how easy it can be to become homeless, even with an education. I nearly was myself a number of years ago, but I had family I could fall back on and lived with them temporarily. If it hadn't been for them, I would have been in a shelter too.

Bella Blu Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Posted by cjik

Thank you for posting. You have opened my eyes and made me remember a lot of people on this board are dealing with other life issues more important than the way we wear our hair or the photographer we choose.

What would I do in your place? I would get married and look for an apartment using the money needed for a wedding. When things pick up for you guys (and I'm sure they will), you can renew your vows and have the wedding reception you always wanted. But that's what I would do, you and your FH need to decide what to do.

I totally agree...hang in there

Mystere Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

I think everything has been said but I just wanted to invite you to the 06 GTG May 21st!! Theres no reason you can't attend and I'd love for you to come!!

Let us know what you decide - you will be in my prayers!

MissusJones Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

JMO - but I feel that having security should come above all things. I think it's great that you're working and getting your master's but part of me also feels like you're living off tax dollars just to buy your wedding. That to me is not fair to truly homeless people who have nothing. You have a man that loves you, and $$ for a down payment, if the love is real it can wait, but living off the system to have your dream wedding? I'm sorry but I think you need to focus on the reality of your situation...

again, JMHO

cocoa Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

first of all, i applaud you for sharing this with everyone. however, and this is just my opinion, as much as we all want the wedding of our dreams, it is just a day. your marriage is forever and personally, i would rather start my marriage in a home, not a shelter. but you need to do what is right for you. however, being married for 9 months now, i do miss our money...we didn't break even, so to speak, but we did okay. however, we'd be in a better financial situation if we just bought a house instead. again, though, these are just my thoughts. but it seems like you have the determination and brains to make the best life for you and your family and i wish you a lot of luck!!!

arosa Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

See this is what I did not want to happen. It's not a joke. And for this to be thought of as a joke hurts my feeling. Let me tell you, my reception will probably cost about $5000. That does not even pay for 5 months of rent in Brooklyn. We looked for apartments- 1 bedrooms. We went to see them and we were not 'chosen' for them.

Mrs. dleeny Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Posted by arosa

See this is what I did not want to happen. It's not a joke. And for this to be thought of as a joke hurts my feeling. Let me tell you, my reception will probably cost about $5000. That does not even pay for 5 months of rent in Brooklyn. We looked for apartments- 1 bedrooms. We went to see them and we were not 'chosen' for them.

What about renting someone's top floor or basement of a house? does it have to be in Brooklyn? have you considered Queens?

I'm sure that you can find a place for well under $1000 a month in Queens (depending on the area of course).

IMO, your priority should be to have a home for you, your son and FH, not a wedding.

brooklynbridezilla Thread views: 4,858

Re: Personal-Housing situation

Arosa, I would suggest posting what kind of work you are qualified for. There are posters or lurkers who might know about job openings. Since you are able to get online, I would post your resume all over the place. If your time is limited, I would be happy to help you get it listed online- like monster.com and email it to temp agencies and such.

Imo, your first priority should be finding an apartment. A wedding is a luxury.