My FH and I want to have one big picture with our whole family in it, both sides that is, for our album. However, his older brother has been dating this girl for 8 years, they are engaged and living together for 2 years, HOWEVER, she never wears her engagment ring, never shows up to family functions and they do not have a wedding date set, do I have to include her in this picture? I do not have a problem with her but I hardly know her. I also do not want to hurt any feelings.... also, if she is not in the picture how do I go about this? My FMIL told me only family should be in this picture, that is anyone who is married etc. Help! Opinions?Thank you in advance! P.S. If the two of them do not stay together she will be permanetly in the album.
LisaT
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I would put her in the album. Marriage doesn't guarantee that everyone will stay together either. They seem to have a significant relationship and should therefore be included.
I started being included in the family photos when my husband and I first got engaged.
jenny11.9
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I personally would let her be in it. But that is because I am too nice and sacrifice all the time to not hurt people's feelings! (that is my therapy talking) In my fantasy world? I would send out a little note in the invitations of the people saying - we would like to invite all the married couples of the so and so families for a group shot at (whenever time). Bring your wedding bands, your best wishes and a smile - you are our inspiration! Something like that....
ChristineC68
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I would put her in the picture also. She has been with your FBIL for so long in some ways she must be considered family by now.
BTW - thats a great idea for a picture
berlykim22
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I would definitely put her in the picture, 8 years is a long time to be dating someone, she is definitely family.
Would it really be so bad to have her in the picture?
Karen62794
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I was dating my FH for 8 years and I was not included in any family portraits or family wedding photos. Ironically, the bride and groom only knew each other for less than a year.
I would include her though. I think if you spend so many years together, you are part of the family, whether or not you're engaged, married or whatever.
Karen
NIHA
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I would include her. My fi's has 5 brothers and sisters, and out of the 6 of them 3 have been married and divorced. So, when we look at albums at his parent's house we always see the exes.
I agree with the others, marriage does not guarantee that they will be together, and she is a part of your fi's family for the last several years.
Marnles
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Okay, this reminds me of a funny story (which was pretty hurtful to me at the time, but has since become an ongoing joke)...
My FH and I are at one of his family functions (before we were engaged), and they're getting ready to take a family picture. My FH automatically grabs my hand to come into the picture, and my future brother-in-law says 'Well just make sure you put her at the end of the picture, so we can just cut her out if need be'. He wasn't kidding - he wasn't laughing - and when his mother said how rude that was, he just answered with 'well, you know it's true, why ruin a great family shot if we don't have to'. I was so hurt by it at the time, that I almost cried right there. He's not the nicest person in the world...
I would definitely include her in the picture...My brother included my FH 4 years ago, before we even talked about engagement, and my FH is in their album.
Jeanene
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Marnles - I also have a story... but this one warmed my heart.
Last summer, before my FH and I were engaged, we went to his cousins' wedding. They were taking one of the big family shots. I stood off to the side taking my own pictures of the group when the bride - said -' Wait - Jeanene - you have to be in our picture'. It made me feel so included - and part of the family - before I even became part of the family! Needless to say it also made my FH's cousins' bride one of my favorite people in the family!
JennRenee
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I would include her. We did a similiar picture and included my cousin's live-in boyfriend of many years. I figured if he's special and important to her, then he's special and important to me.
Marnles
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Jeanene - you wanna trade family members?? Honestly, the rest of my FH's family, especially my FMIL are the NICEST PEOPLE!! They always make me feel welcome and part of the family. I really don't know where my FH's brother came from...but then again, I'm not thrilled with my FH's father either, so maybe that explains it! I'm glad you had a better experience than me!!
Suzanne
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I know what you mean..i had a picture of JUST THE FAMILY, and one with everyone.. that way if something happens you can always go back to the other picture.. i has the siilar situation, husbands brothers girlfirend in the picture. shes been around for 4 years but they are not engaged and i was afriad that theyd break up and id have this girl in my photo that no one would know 5 years down the road..i know how you feel..
aug9bride
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I would include her. The other girls are right. She has been around for so long that she must be considered part of the family. My family has taken several big family pictures and we always tried to include everyone. There is no reason to hurt peoples feelsings and also the people that you consider excluding are important to a member of the family who does belong in the picture. My FI family has taken one family picture since we have been together and I am not in it. I felt horrible when they took it.
I was going to put my sister bf out in one picture and then ask him to come in for another...
turns out they got engaged...
brooke
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If they've really been together for EIGHT years and living together for 2, I think it would seem like an insult to her to not include her. It's so hard to solve these family dilemnas isn't it?
Elizabeth
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I would also include her in the photo, I agree with whoever said that marriage doesn't guarantee that those couples will always be together either.
However, I would mention it to your FMIL beforehand...not ask her but simply mention your intentions when it comes to including your FBIL's girlfriend. If your FMIL already has an opinion that 'only family' should be in the pic, she might say something the day of the wedding as they're about to take the shot. If she's the type that would do that, you want to avoid a situation like that in the moment. It can be embarrassing/upsetting etc. and I'm sure you don't want those kind of vibes at the wedding.
Best wishes!
Suzanne
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Heres an example. My SIL has a boyfriend and they are having a baby... he was at the wedding and in the family shot.. well last thursday he said he couldnt take it anymore and left my SIL... i got my pics today and my MIL is upset that hes in the photo.. luckily i took two.. one with just SIL and BIL and one with their significant others...
I know im the only one on this side of the fence, just wanted to let you know of my experience..
