PISSED OFF VENTING

JamieAnt06202009 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 11:36 AM

PISSED OFF VENTING

I don't know if any of you are having problems with your BM's...I am having extreme problems with one of mine. Every time I plan something with her for my wedding she cancels. She has probably canceled on me 5 times by now. I have asked her to do things with me like go to bridal shows or come to look at wedding related things and she says 'Oh I don't know about that'. She is at a different point in her life and I understand that weddings are not a big interest for her but I just can't believe that she doesn't care at all. Today she canceled yet again through an email so I am writing her back and telling her how I feel. As if I don't have enough things to worry about. I know she probably doesn't understand what goes into planning a wedding but CMON. GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

PROBM Posted: Sep 02, 2008 11:40 AM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

if she keeps on cancelling bc she is diff point at her life or she is just extremley busy then she prob should not be in the wedding. i am sure she will be relived if you tell her its ok if she cant be one

littlepixie12 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 11:42 AM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

you might want to consider not having her as a BM. You do want to have a girl that you can rely on and make your life easier on the big day no harder. Just tell her that you understand that she is at a different place in her life right now and you will totally understand if she doesnt want to be a BM

vicky1125 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 11:44 AM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

maybe you should ask her if she still wants to be a BM, if she's says no then there's your answer.

JamieAnt06202009 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 11:44 AM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

That probably is the best thing to do but she has been one of my best friends for close to 15 years and I always imagined she would be part of my day. We always spoke about it in the past and that's why her behavior surprises me so much. The reason she canceled again is because someone asked her to go to dinner and she hasn't seen the girl in a while...not a very good excuse.

babylin19 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 11:47 AM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

i am having a major issue with my MOH. She's been doing the same thing to me. So you are not the only one. And my MOH is married. She knows what it's like and still she acts like that.

I would have a serious talk with her. When she said yes, she took a responsibility of being there for you and helping you out. Not to just be there on the day in a dress. If she doesn't change, then i would consider not having her. BMs are suppose to help...not give brides more stress.

vicky1125 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 11:49 AM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

that's not a good excuse but you never know what's really going on inside a person's head. maybe she's just not ready to help you emotionally. she may also be jealous.

JamieAnt06202009 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 11:53 AM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

Posted by vicky1125

that's not a good excuse but you never know what's really going on inside a person's head. maybe she's just not ready to help you emotionally. she may also be jealous.

That's what a lot of people say that know her, I think it might be a combo of that and I think she feels like she's losing me. But it's not like that. I wish I could get through to her because this is all really upsetting me.

JamieAnt06202009 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 11:56 AM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

Posted by babylin19

i am having a major issue with my MOH. She's been doing the same thing to me. So you are not the only one. And my MOH is married. She knows what it's like and still she acts like that.

I would have a serious talk with her. When she said yes, she took a responsibility of being there for you and helping you out. Not to just be there on the day in a dress. If she doesn't change, then i would consider not having her. BMs are suppose to help...not give brides more stress.

So it's not only me. That really ***** that your MOH is acting like that, she is supposed to be the most helpful. She definitely know what goes into it if she's been married before. I am definitely going to have a talk with my friend and you should have a talk with your MOH.

vicky1125 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 11:58 AM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

Posted by JamieAnt06202009

Posted by vicky1125

that's not a good excuse but you never know what's really going on inside a person's head. maybe she's just not ready to help you emotionally. she may also be jealous.

That's what a lot of people say that know her, I think it might be a combo of that and I think she feels like she's losing me. But it's not like that. I wish I could get through to her because this is all really upsetting me.

my MOH who i've known since 2nd grade went through this when me and FH started going out. she was use to us both being single and partying every weekend and when i met him i want to spend time with him and get to know him. she kept giving me attitude and everytime i asked her to hang out she said 'oh what happened, i thought you were hanging out with ralph'. we didn't speak for about 4-5 months. she got over it and grew up and our friendship went back to normal minus the partying every weekend like single girls. try setting up a dinner or lunch to speak to her and let her know she's not losing you and take it from there.

Kristina2009 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 12:02 PM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

i understand. it is hard. all my friends are about 27- 30 and so most are married or just busy so they haven't helped too much. i don't ask anymore either. i am fine doing things solo and just letting them put on the dress and make and walk down the isle. it ***** at times to not have people seem to interested but i just accepted that they have lives to life and as long as they are good friends i can live without them not being fabulous bms! FH trys b/c he sees I am solo in all this - my mom just isn't into this stuff, my sister has her own life so its just me but I am at the point were i just don't let it get to me. i realized my wedding feels like a huge deal to me . . . to everyone else it is just another party.

baba022 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 12:04 PM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

I hear ya on this!! Don't take it too personally.

I decided to do mostly everything on my own - if any of them want to come, they are more then welcome to.

Reason be - I asked one of my bm's to come bm dress shopping - w/o my moh cause she was busy planning her sis's wedding. I caught wind after that she thought my moh should have been with me and not her - and if I was going to ask her to do things then she should have been my moh!!! REALLY!!??? So after that, I made all the decisions for the bm dresses and everything else and became one of those 'it's my wedding and I don't care what anyone else thinks' type of person....

Sad, but I don't want to deal with the drama of it....

angels914 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 12:08 PM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

It is not easy planning a wedding .... My MOH is my sister and she is married with 4 kids ... My BM's ... 2 are married and one is my goddaughter.... I spoke with them all already about things and they are all for it .... I just hope that once it comes around to doing the things that need to get done ... they are all there to help out !!!!!!
Good Luck .... do what needs to get done .. IT IS YOUR DAY !!!!!!!!!!!!

JnA823 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 12:12 PM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

I think that when someone hasn't planned their own wedding they don't see how all the little things matter. She may have alot going on and feel well it's just a bridal show... not that important. I would explain to her how you feel. Tell her you are upset about this and I'm sure you can work it out.

flairforfashion Posted: Sep 02, 2008 12:15 PM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

I think everyone has an issue with 1 of their BM's at one point or another. I would have a nice sit down with her and see where she is at. Maybe she doesn't realize how she's acting or maybe she doesn't care- either way- you could find this out during a sit down. Good luck!

christine2010 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 12:19 PM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

2010 bride here:

i agree with having a sit down with her. you should try and find out what is really going on & why she keeps canceling. maybe she doesn't know how to tell you that being a bridesmaid is just not for her.

JamieAnt06202009 Posted: Sep 02, 2008 12:59 PM

Re: PISSED OFF VENTING

I wrote an email in response to her cancellation and she said ok fine I will go tomorrow. Now it's awkward but maybe I got through to her by telling her how I feel. I guess I will will have to see what happens in the future. Thank you girls for all of your help!!!