Please Help- I have a friend problem- LONG

OK- so I have this friend I have known since Junior High. We were best friends- like frick & frack. Like a lot of people we grew apart when we went to college. I graduated and she dropped out, came home & started to work. When I graduated, I came home & worked in the city. I got her a few jobs in the city (I was a temp recruiter) and we'd commute together & hang out practically every day. After a year of living home I moved to Astoria- to have my own place and to be closer to work. She continued to stay at home, got a new boyfriend, and we sorta lost touch again.

Through the next 2 years- we talked on the phone- met up when we could, etc. She would never come to me though because she said she couldn't drive into Queens from Long Island- it made her nervous. Then her dad died (this is about 4 years ago) and I did what I can to support her and console her.

I was her MOH last August- I was her 2nd choice because she 'broke up' with her first MOH (they are no longer real friends). So I did what any great friend would do- gave her a great shower, bachelorette, etc.

Then I got engaged- all was fine... Until I didn't make her my MOH. I had been living in Astoria for 4 years and I had remained close and got closer to my friend from college that lives in NYC- I made her my MOH. Well- she had a problem with this that came to a head once I got back from the honeymoon.

She said she got drunk at my wedding because once she heard my MOH's speech she knew that our friendship wasn't as great as mine & MOH's and that made her sad... and that I am mean and harsh to her (I am blunt and have always been to her, so I don' t know why this is a surprise). I feel that basically she is upset because I live in NJ now and am far and don't live with my parents (she still does even though she is married) and because she has a different lifestyle I am judgmental.. but I am not- I am supportive and am always telling her 'way to go'.

So now we went through a tough spell- she says she is in therapy because she still hasn't gotten over her father's death 4 years ago and talking about our friendship makes her 'tense'... that we need to take a break.

I just am at my wits end- she says incredibly hateful things to me- yet when I try to talk to her and reason with her she says that she hasn't gotten over her dad and she can't deal with our 'issue'... the thing is- I don't know how this relates to her Dad at all?

Sorry this is long- I just sorta am confused- on one hand I want to say forget it- obviously our friendship pains you and maybe it is better for you to maybe not go on with it... but on the other hand I am really hurt.

wow, I dont really know what to say
maybe just tell her is she wants to talk you will be there for her and leave it up to her whether to call you and continue the friendship
dont feel bad though, your a good friend for worrying so much about her

I completely agree with the other girls... leave the ball in her court. She has alot of issues to work out, and I see it best for her to come to you when she has things in order again.
Hang in there, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

Sassy,
What I think you need to decide is if you truly love this girl as a friend. If you really want her to get some help and work through her issues, and you love her enough do that, then there's your answer. Not loving her doesn't make you a bad person, by the way. On the other hand, you two may spend some time apart and you'll realize that you don't miss her like you thought you would, that life is just fine without her.

Breaking up with friends is sometimes just as hard as breaking up with a boyfriend. It sounds to me like she has some issues she needs to work through and she has made her position with you clear: for whatever reason she harbors resentment towards you and until she lets go of that or rectifies it in some way, yours will never be a true friendship.

Let her have the space she wants and then when (if) she's ever ready, maybe you two could give it a go. Or maybe after the 'space' time, you decide to go your separate ways. Sadly it happens between women friends, like with BF/GF....

I think the best thing you can do for this girl, and for the firendship you have/had, is to just be there for her but don't push her anymore. Clearly she is upset, but I don't think there is anything you could have done. Even if she were your MOH, she would have found something else to be upset with you about, I think.

She's having a difficult time getting over her dad, and she's got some issues I think maybe because you are living the life she might want. (?)

Just tell her you are there for her when she needs you, and let her come to you when she is ready.