please HELP UPDATE

i am so sick right now. i have wanted this wedding forever and now i just dont know. my fh has been using my car. his car needed to much work, and i didnt want to spend money before the wedding, so i told him to use my car. well my parents dont like the idea of it. which is none of their business since it is mine and i pay everything on it. so last night, i went aroudn the corner to my sister't to get something for her. We live in my parent's studio apartment. he overhears my parents saying how they dont like him using the car, its a lot of wear and tear, its not a good neighborhood, and when he comes home he doesnt even park in the driveway. Then my father adds 'It's just weird, he is just weird.' so i come back and can see fh is upset and he tells me this story. i immediately go upstairs and say something. my mom said all she said is that she doesnt like the car being used, adn then i looked at my father and said and what else did u have to say. my father said it doesnt make sense why he parks in the street unless he is hiding something. with that, i went back down and i havent spoken to them since. fh is so upset and now he says to me u know they are really pieces of sh**. my parents are so wrong, but i dont want to hear things like that said either. i told him they have a controlling problem and that they are losing their little girl. he cant understand that. i cant take this, 2 months before the wedding. i dont know what to do. should i say soemthing to them again or cancel the wedding. please any and all advice is appreciated.



UPDATE: my mom apologized to my fh. im still considering moving out, but not until after the wedding. thankls for all of your support girls

YOu need to have a sit down with your fh. Make sure first that everything is ok with the two of you. He has to respect your parents because they are YOUR parents. But, at this point - he is going to be your family, so you and him have to agree. you cannot let parents get in between you two. in the end, it is just going to be the two of you.

Then, you have to sit with your parents and discuss your feelings with them, be honest and try not to yell. Tell them you want them to play a big part in your lives, but when they do things like that it is very hurtful.

I hope this all works out, it is a tough situation.

Ouch, this is a tought situation. Parents can be downright rotten sometimes, I swear. I mean comeon.. you guys are getting married in TWO MONTHS.. get over it!! What whatever I would first have a nice long talk with your parents.. settle things with them BEFORE speaking to you FH. The last thing you need is the added drama & tension between your FH & your parents.

I hope this all works out for you.

Angnick has it exactly right. It's hard to put down your pride and approach them to talk about it but it must be done. Communication, even if you don't think there is hope of reconciliation, is SO important. If only for your own piece of mind that you tried.

But you have to understand too that your parents are most likely set in their ways and probably can't or won't change now. You said they're controlling, which may be something you two just have to deal with.

You need to explain to your FH that no matter what, faults and all, they are family. You don't mess with family. I can bad-mouth anyone in my family all I want but the minute FH does it, it could be considered as stepping over the line. Especially parents! It's really tough though when it's a situation that affects you both. Believe me, I know.

Don't overreact and take such a bold move as cancelling anything. The reason you're getting married is for each other, what does an argument with your parents have to do with that? Nothing.

If it was me, I would be stern with my parents and lay it on the line: I don't expect you to change your opinion but from now on, you keep it to yourselves. Because once you're married, your #1 priority is your spouse. And they don't want to try to drive a wedge between you because they might find they're on the 'wrong side' of the wedge.

But that's just me, and I tend to be blunt about such things. My parents know this, and thus don't disrespect us with things like this. I know there are negative things here and there, but I'd rather just not know about it.

I truly wish you luck with this and hope you'll keep us updated on how it goes!

hey deb, so sorry to hear that you are going through this. have you spoken to your sister? what does she have to say?

i'm not really sure what to say. yes parents can be controlling sometimes...and if your's are, i don't think it is a good idea for you and fh to live with them...now or in the future, they are only going to get into your business more.

i am concerned with the fact that you are even mentioning to cancel your wedding. your parents should not be a reason for cancelling. I think you should really sit down and think about how you feel, then as someone else said, talk to your fh and your parents.

the bottom line is if you love fh and your parents neither should not disrespect eachother to you. as upset as dh is, he should not talk about your parents to you...in his defense he is probably hurt and embarrassed that he overheard them talking about him...but in my eyes...maybe he needs to talk to them.

I am not sure what else to say...good luck sweetie and if you need anything, email me.

-steph

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Posted by angnick

YOu need to have a sit down with your fh. Make sure first that everything is ok with the two of you. He has to respect your parents because they are YOUR parents. But, at this point - he is going to be your family, so you and him have to agree. you cannot let parents get in between you two. in the end, it is just going to be the two of you.

Then, you have to sit with your parents and discuss your feelings with them, be honest and try not to yell. Tell them you want them to play a big part in your lives, but when they do things like that it is very hurtful.

I hope this all works out, it is a tough situation.

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Couldn't have said it better myself!!!

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Posted by angnick

YOu need to have a sit down with your fh. Make sure first that everything is ok with the two of you. He has to respect your parents because they are YOUR parents. But, at this point - he is going to be your family, so you and him have to agree. you cannot let parents get in between you two. in the end, it is just going to be the two of you.

Then, you have to sit with your parents and discuss your feelings with them, be honest and try not to yell. Tell them you want them to play a big part in your lives, but when they do things like that it is very hurtful.

I hope this all works out, it is a tough situation.

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This is the right approach - communication is key for both parties involved to come to a mutual understanding/accord.

Cancelling the wedding is an over-reaction to your parents. Don't give them that kind of control (unless you agree that is is weird and you've been reconsidering this before your parents started in).

I would sit down with the parents and have a heart to heart with them. Ask why they would say such a thing and what they meant by it etc.

As for the FH - tell him to park the car in the driveway!!

oh my goodness you will be his wife soon geez its not like you just met the guy and what the heck could you be hiding ugh! parents!

I have to say that because you live there this will not stop.

You may have to move to get the independence you need.

Don't cancel anything. You are an adult and can make your own decisions.

They obviously are trying to look out for you but they have trust issues.

If they are so bent on him not using the car, let them give you the money to get his car fixed.

I have a feeling though they will find fault with everything.