Please Read... Please Reply.... This is a man crashing your boards.
Original post by JohnNicole
Ladies,
My Fiance and I are paying for our own wedding. We as I am sure all you have had our differences through out the planning with ups and downs. To make everything better we have six other weddings this year. So money is a big part of our 'discussions'.
Well let me get down to the problem I would like help for. One of my Fiance's friends was going to have a destination wedding after our wedding. Well she decided to plop her wedding in front of ours... I have not problems with that. My problem is that she is still doing a destination wedding but to a close state. Mind you it is not going to be the quaint wedding as before...250+ will be attending. So the major problems are that we now have to spend three nights at a hotel, a $250 bridesmaids dress, (oh yea- she is in the party), the b-party, and the bridal shower. Now I was upset at first but realized what can you do. Well the thing that topped it off was that for the bridal shower the bridesmaids are paying for it. And i just found out that this is so common from my fiance. IS IT?????? She was told to bring wine which hey no problem... Wine for a 100 people is no big shakes . So I was a little upset but go over it once again. Will the anty was just upped by bringing Wine, Soda, Juice, Cups, and oh yea a dish for the 100 people... Is this a little absurd???? Do you think she can tell the Maid of Honor she has a wedding to pay for and will bring maybe two of the things???? HELP please... Im sorry for crashing your boards and for this being so long. Thanks
LoveBug1124
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please Read... Please Reply.... This is a man crashing your boards.
The majority of showers i have been to the mother has accutally thrown it. Same thing with mine - my mom kept it under 50 people because she was paying for it herself, she didn't want to burden my BP since she knows how much they are spending on everything else.
Maybride519
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please Read... Please Reply.... This is a man crashing your boards.
I have to crash and say that its not so common for the bridal party to pay for the shower and be held responsible for all of those expenses in addition to the dress, hair and makeup and gifts! That is also alot to ask from someone getting married shortly after. IMO, if you don't think you can afford it, maybe your fiance should just go as a guest rather than be in the Bridal party
ETA: If the bridal party offers...then thats great! But thats totally different than being told
JohnNicole
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please Read... Please Reply.... This is a man crashing your boards.
i agree with the last post... told and offering are two different things.
vmystique33
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please Read... Please Reply.... This is a man crashing your boards.
Posted by Maybride519
I have to crash and say that its not so common for the bridal party to pay for the shower and be held responsible for all of those expenses in addition to the dress, hair and makeup and gifts! That is also alot to ask from someone getting married shortly after. IMO, if you don't think you can afford it, maybe your fiance should just go as a guest rather than be in the Bridal party
ETA: If the bridal party offers...then thats great! But thats totally different than being told
I agree!!
AeroJenn
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please Read... Please Reply.... This is a man crashing your boards.
it IS common for members of the Bridal party to help pay for the shower. HOWEVER -- 100 people for the shower is huge! And I understand how expensive wine can be for that many people. If the BP is throwing the shower, then they have say in what is and isnt acceptable money-wise. If you cant afford to supply all that wine, then tell her to tell the other girls that she can spend X amount and thats it. They'll have to get the rest themselves.
But as I said -- the fact that she has to pay for the bachelorette party and shower is nothing new or outrageous -- its a part of being in the bridal party and she knew that going into it.
JGirl11297
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please Read... Please Reply.... This is a man crashing your boards.
One of my friends is getting married in June and I am in her bridal party and the bridal party is paying for her shower....it definitely is an expense before my wedding that I could have done without, but I knew going into it that this was part of it.
carolinebr
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please Read... Please Reply.... This is a man crashing your boards.
Posted by tricia3381
the best 2 bridal parties i was in the bp footed the whole bill. the mom of the bride didn't pay anything.
Same here.
aprilv
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please Read... Please Reply.... This is a man crashing your boards.
My MOH is getting married 1 mo. prior to me and I am her MOH so we are both splitting the bills for the showers amongst the rest of the bridal parties. I don't expect a gift from her for shower or wedding b/c I know what she is going thru. We are paying $3K PLUS to go to her destination wedding on top of shower. As much as I would love to spend $$$ on gifts-I just can't. I would normally spend between 300-500 on her but I am drawing a swift line at $100-$300. I knew it would be expensive to be in BP but you just really never know HOW expensive and HOW tight things will get for you! Hopefully this is just one crazy happy year for all and we'll all look back and laugh!!!
CrisiDrue
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please Read... Please Reply.... This is a man crashing your boards.
Posted by hunnybunnyxoxo
OK let me tell u something::
as a bride with one bestfriend that got married 6 months b4 me and one bestfriend getting married one month b4 my wedding, i completely understand what you are going through! It is financially tough! But guess what, you have the right to draw the line. an obligation is an obligation but you have the right to say ' i can only chip in $150 for the shower or whatever else is the case'
trust me, i wish i could do more for my bestfriends- there is always more that could be done but we all understand that weddings are expensive and that we all have our own finances to worry about.
bottm line, you have every right to draw the line. Also, you dont have to stay three nights at a hotel. Its not the end of the world to miss the rehearsal dinner. i think your fiancee is capable of learning how to walk down an aisle. If i were you, i would stay the night b4 the wedding and the night of the wedding.
Listen, for my shower, some girls were able to 'particpate' more than others, did i get angry? - hellll no!! we all do what we are capable of doing. and noone can argue with that!
do not do what you are not financially comfortable with. Honestly, tell your fiance to tell the Maid of Honor that unfortunately, she can only chip in up to xxx amount of dollars...
good luck!! sorry if i was harsh, but i totally feel you on this one!
I totally agree with this. It is not the bridal party's 'obligation' to throw the bride a shower & pay for it, it is something that they elect to do. I would never expect my BP to do that for me, especially b/c I have three girls coming in from out of state, and their expenses are 4x that of the others that live in NY.
diva7531
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please Read... Please Reply.... This is a man crashing your boards.
Posted by hmv12
I think that is a lot to ask someone to do...I never heard of such a thing. I can understand maybe bringing one thing or so, but all that...You give a gift at a shower, not provide the food, drinks, and etc.. I think it is fine to let the bride know that money is a bit tight, and you guys are planning your own wedding. Obsviously the bride should understand money is an issue because she is asking others to help her out....
uhm, don't tell the bride anything!!!!! Whatever the BP does for the shower is supposed to be evenly divided umongst the BP, sounds likw your FW is doing quite a bit, I wonder what everyone else is doing. Is she helping plan? If it really is too much, have your FW talk to the BP, explain the situatiuon. Hope evrything works out!
tricia3381
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please Read... Please Reply.... This is a man crashing your boards.
Posted by diva7531
Posted by hmv12
I think that is a lot to ask someone to do...I never heard of such a thing. I can understand maybe bringing one thing or so, but all that...You give a gift at a shower, not provide the food, drinks, and etc.. I think it is fine to let the bride know that money is a bit tight, and you guys are planning your own wedding. Obsviously the bride should understand money is an issue because she is asking others to help her out....
uhm, don't tell the bride anything!!!!! Whatever the BP does for the shower is supposed to be evenly divided umongst the BP, sounds likw your FW is doing quite a bit, I wonder what everyone else is doing. Is she helping plan? If it really is too much, have your FW talk to the BP, explain the situatiuon. Hope evrything works out!
i agree never let the bride know theres a problem!!! shes got enough on her plate.
