Please read(LONG)

allure Posted: Feb 01, 2003 08:53 AM

Please read(LONG)

I know i should be posting this on the nwr board but thought i would get more opinions here.My MOH(my best friend of many years&will also become my FSIL)she is pregnant and is due in march,she is no longer w/the father of the baby they only see each other when they have to.Well i have played a big part of the pregnancy.Heres the problem she is planning on having me as her coach in the delivery room and her mom doesnt know this yet nor does the baby's father,i am worried that this will cause alot of bad feelings between me&her mom(who will becomme my FMIL yes i am engaged to my best friends brother)my FMIL is a very controlling & jealous woman my friend doesnt want her mom there for delivery but will let her come in every once in a while i just dont know what to do.I also feel very honored that she wants me there,being engaged to my best friends brother has put alot of strain on alot of things.Please tell me what you think thanks ladies

taraalissa Posted: Feb 01, 2003 09:08 AM

Re: Please read(LONG)

In my opinion, you have to do whatever you feel most comfortable with. I am not sure what your relationship with your FMIL is but you certainly do not want to begin your marriage by having bad feelings between you and her. I am sure that your MOH realizes that this could become an awkward situation. Ask her how she plans to break this to your FMIL. Also, what does your FH say about this?

cluelessbride Posted: Feb 01, 2003 09:15 AM

Re: Please read(LONG)

I agree with Taralisa, you should ask your FH how he feels about this, and ask your MOH how she plans on telling her mom.

While I think having strife with your FMIL is not a good idea, I also think you should set up the dynamic that she will not control your life.

You say she is controlling and jealous woman, so I think you should be careful to not let her impinge on your freedom and your choices. How you act now may set the tone for the future. I wouldn't be at all argumentative with her - save that for your MOH and FH - but she should not dictate your relationship with your friend, her daughter.

michele31 Posted: Feb 01, 2003 09:25 AM

Re: Please read(LONG)

This must be a very very difficult time for your best friend. Becoming a single mother is a very scary thing for many women. I am not sure how old your friend is, but I assume that this was an unplanned pregnancy. Going thru labor (or the idea of it) is a scary thing for most women. I think that she has every right to decide who she wants to be her coach. After hearing you say that your FMIL is very controlling and jealous I think that perhaps she knows that her mom is not the best person to help her thru labor. That does not mean she doesn't love her mother at all, but rather she needs someone else in the labor room with her. In all honestly, I highly doubt I would want my mother in the labor room with me. I would have my sister or best friend (if I didn't have Scott). You should NOT get in the middle of any of this. This is HER decision. I hope that your FH helps his sister explain to his mother (if needed) the situation. Be there for your friend and if your FMIL confronts you on this issue just tell her the truth 'This is really Janie's decision and I am going to support her no matter what she asks of me'. And in regards to the soon-to-be Dad the chose of who is with the women in the labor room is the women's. I think having an X (and I assume they are not on great terms) be the one to support her during a difficult time is the last thing she wants. She doesn't even have to tell him if she doesn't want to.
I hope your friend has a beautiful, healthy baby.

ss2002 Posted: Feb 01, 2003 09:54 AM

Re: Please read(LONG)

I agree with michele31...this is her decision, one that she has to work through with her mom, not you. Definitely talk with you FH about it, but the discussion with FMIL is one that she has to initiate.

How lucky she is to have you in her life! I'd be honored to be in the delivery room with my best friend.

dubliner Posted: Feb 01, 2003 10:02 AM

Re: Please read(LONG)

I think your MOH should be the one to talk to her mom and ex- about you being her coach, but if you are concerned that she won't tell them unitl it is too late, perhaps your FH could speak to his mom.

The decision of you being the coach was made by you friend and while you might feel unclomforatble, it is up to her to explain to people that she choose you.

Good luck to you and mom to be

cluelessbride Posted: Feb 01, 2003 10:03 AM

Re: Please read(LONG)

Well said Michele! You are so right!

allure Posted: Feb 01, 2003 07:43 PM

Re: Please read(LONG)

Thank-you so much ladies

allure Posted: Feb 01, 2003 08:10 PM

Re: Please read(LONG)

bump for myself

LisaAnne Posted: Feb 01, 2003 10:02 PM

Re: Please read(LONG)

I think personaly that it is an honor that she chose you. I know that she would want the one person that she trusts the most in the room during herr most personal moment. I wanted my boy friend but I also wanted my other best friend in the room my sister. Of course my Mom was offended but your girlfriend is going with the right decision and your girlfriend tursts you and wants you there. It will be between your girlfriend and her mother. Just remember that you will be watching the birth of a beautiful life and how many times do you get that. It is and honor. I would be so excited.
Good luck to you and your girlfriend.

XOOXO
Lisa

Stavia Posted: Feb 02, 2003 09:56 AM

Re: Please read(LONG)

This your best friends choice. Let her tell everyone & if anyone says anything to you you just tell them that you are doing what she wants so you can support her & be there for her. Standing by her is the best thing you can do & you shouldn't let anyone else stand in the way of that.

allure Posted: Feb 02, 2003 10:29 PM

Re: Please read(LONG)

Bumping i guess because i want more opinions

LizD Posted: Feb 03, 2003 08:28 AM

Re: Please read(LONG)

I agree with Michelle as well. I believe it is up to you FSIL who she wants in the delivery room, and if you are her first choice, than that is the way it should be. After all, she is the one going through the labor and knows who will be the most helpful and supportive to her during that time. If your FMIL says anything to you i would just say 'it is 'FSIL'S name' decision and I am going to repsect her wishes. It is a stressful enough time for her and I don't want to add to the stress' and leave it at that. Good luck!