Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

TattooAnkh Posted: Sep 13, 2007 10:41 PM

Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

Thanks for your input, gals. I'm a bit disheartened by some of my BMs, and I was curious what you all thought.

MrsQ-in2007 Posted: Sep 13, 2007 10:48 PM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

If I were a BM or MOH in a friend's wedding and for some reason beyond my control couldn't attend her shower, I would definitely call afterwards to see how everything went and to reiterate my regret for not having attended. I would have also sent a gift with someone who would be at the shower (or mailed it) so that she could open it at the shower.

PattyK Posted: Sep 13, 2007 10:50 PM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

If I couldn't make the shower for what ever reason, I would offer to help in anyway possible before the shower and I would make sure to send a gift and a card prior to the shower. After the shower I would explain to the bride why I couldn't attend the shower.

HamptonsBride Posted: Sep 13, 2007 11:10 PM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

I would be kissing the bride's butt and trying to make up for missing it! HTH!

PreshusSmurf Posted: Sep 13, 2007 11:16 PM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

One of my BMs couldn't attend, but she lives in California so I would have thought she'd lost her mind if she came all the way to NY for it.

She chipped in with the rest of my girls for the group gift from the BP.

Nov2007bride Posted: Sep 14, 2007 12:16 AM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

If that was me, I'd call BEFORE to let the bride know and after to ask how it went.

diva7531 Posted: Sep 14, 2007 07:17 AM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

There would have to be extenuationg circumstances to for me to miss a brides shower, but I would tell her bfore (if possible so as not to ruin the surprise for her) send money to help the BP, buy an extra gift cause I felt so bad, and call during, to say Hi, and after to see how it was and beg for pics!

But my original answer was other, cause I wouldn't miss it!!!!

cncoso Posted: Sep 14, 2007 07:49 AM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

Actually this happened to me!!! I was a BM in my friends wedding, and my aunt who I was very close with died. BUT I even went to the shower til she got there just to see her....(cried my eyes out that I couldn't stay with her) already got the gift with the bridal party, but then a few weeks after I took her to lunch and even gave here something extra. I felt so horrible.

prinses777 Posted: Sep 14, 2007 08:06 AM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

I just responded send a gift, but I didn't realize there was an All the above.

My MOH just gave birth 2 days before my shower, not only did she send SEVERAL GIFTS, she put together the most beautiful candle basket... like she really did such thoughtful gifts and I was so touched becuase obviously she was due with TWINS mind you, 2 days before my shower... and she took the time to do all of this for me.

I was very touched to say the least.

She also called me the morning of and in the evening to see how it went.

WilliesBride Posted: Sep 14, 2007 08:28 AM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

I had a BM miss my shower and still have not heard from her......The shower was Aug. 26th. She did help the other girls make the favors and they all went in on the gift together but she has yet to call to even see how it went..........(great and this one will be family) FSIL........

MattandTricia07 Posted: Sep 14, 2007 08:47 AM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

My cousin who is one of my BMs could not attend my shower a few weeks ago because of commitments at college (she is in her senior year) I received a card and gift from her and spoke to her that day! I wouldn't do anything less for my friends either.

Unfortunately some people just don't get it.

Nina_m74 Posted: Sep 14, 2007 09:04 AM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

I would definately do all of the above!

My sister (my MOH) actually ended up not being able to make the shower - she was re-located to South Carolina 2 weeks ago and couldn't fly back up for the shower and the wedding. She sent a gift with card with my Mom to the shower and called me afterwards because she wanted to hear all about it. IT was really a lot of fun to be able to tell her all about it.

JMM7876 Posted: Sep 14, 2007 09:30 AM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

I would ABSOLUTELY do all of the above! Call, send a gift, apologize....any and everything! HTH!

SylvieB Posted: Sep 14, 2007 11:05 AM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

I would do all of the above plus let her know beforehand. One of my BM's did not attend my shower. Did not send a gift, a card or call me afterwards. It was someone I was not to thrilled about putting in my BP b/c I felt like she wouldn't be much help and we're not close. But to keep the peace, I did. Whatever...

Oh yeah, and it was absolutely in her control for her to be there. She chose to go away...

JennysMOH Posted: Sep 14, 2007 01:29 PM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

I would do all the above. I would send the gift with someone else with 2 cards (one congratulatory one and one saying soooo sorry i couldn't attend) and then call to see how everything went.

LuckiestGirl Posted: Sep 14, 2007 01:31 PM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

Actually, I had a bridesmaid that couldn't make and she was so upset she sent a gift and on the card she explained why she wasnt there. Then that night she called and kept saying she was so sorry. . . . . .

magbride Posted: Sep 14, 2007 01:44 PM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

whoops, voted 'send a gift ' but meant to hit 'all of the above.' Yeah, I would think she would at least call.

TattooAnkh Posted: Sep 14, 2007 03:02 PM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

Thanks so much girls - it's nice to know I'm not crazy. I was feeling a bit selfish for some of what I was thinking, but I feel vindicated now.

I guess I just expected more from my best friends. *sigh* I need a hug.

donegal419 Posted: Sep 14, 2007 04:40 PM

Re: Poll: If you were a BM who couldn't attend the Shower...

i know how you feel... i had THREE BMs not come to my bachelorette... It was just me and my sister and SIL. i was soooo sad.

A BM only has 3 jobs IMO, buy the dress and show up happily, go to the bachelorette and help plan and run the shower....

If i missed the bride's shower, i would call, give a card and a gift, probably take you out to lunch or something becuse i would feel terrible and also call your mom and/or the other BMs to see what i could contribute to cost of the shower or if i could bring food, drinks, games, etc.

during my wedding, i saw how even your good friends can let you down... it's disheartening... it's like when their turn is over, they forget how it feels to be the bride.