I have a close friend, who also happens to be a BM, who was married about 5 years ago. She said that after her and her FH got married she felt a slow and subtle, but very real, shift in all of her female friendships. (These are friendships about 10-15 yrs old) She explained to me that after her marriage things just changed with some people~ for example, some close friends emotionally 'pulled away', stopped calling to talk as much, etc.
I am so afraid this is going to happen to me. ALL of my really close girlfriends (except for this one) are unmarried and I don't want to be 'the married lady', if you know what I mean. I have discussed this with them and they say it won't happen, but can it be prevented?
What do you girls think? Any experience with this phenomenon from either side of the friendship? Do you think it might happen to you or do you already feel it happening?
Tatum&Steve
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Re: Post Wedding Friendships~long~
I think if you both continue to work at your friendships...you will be fine. I worry about this too but it is true, friendships are RELATIONSHIPS too that you have to work at. I think if your friends feel that you aren't making an effort anymore, they will do the same in return.
I really think that thinks will be fine.
AllJoy
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Re: Post Wedding Friendships~long~
Friendships will defintely change. You just have to make sure that you don't forget your single friends and make time for 'girls night out' once in a while. Just a word of advice, coming from someone who was forgotten about when the majority of my friends were married.
AlBaBride
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Re: Post Wedding Friendships~long~
This scares me a little bit too. I'm the first of my friends to get married. All but one other friend are single. I hope being married won't alter our friendships, but I'm fully aware that it might.
diva7531
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Re: Post Wedding Friendships~long~
Posted by Tatum&Steve
I think if you both continue to work at your friendships...you will be fine. I worry about this too but it is true, friendships are RELATIONSHIPS too that you have to work at. I think if your friends feel that you aren't making an effort anymore, they will do the same in return.
I really think that thinks will be fine.
As long as both sides work on it. What happens is you lose some of what you had in common, finding boys, going out drinking, stuff like that. I had a GF of 14 yrs that ended after, well right before I had my daughter. Turns out after all that time we had 'the bar' in common. Throughout the pregnancy are friendship started to falter, I tried but she had a different version of the mom I wanted to be. Of course this is not the case in every situation, but mostly it's the lack of things in common. It'll work out if you put work into it!
NinaChris07
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Re: Post Wedding Friendships~long~
I think it depends on us making sure we are open but also - and maybe even more so - the friend... I have some VERY JEALOUS friends who are already making comments so I am sure they will pull away... the others I am not worried about bc I know I have to make a greater effort and they will be there...
Aug07OFCbride
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Re: Post Wedding Friendships~long~
I think sometimes ppl assume you need some space in the new phase of life.
But I feel like if you keep puttiing in the effort as you always did, and talk to them about it if you start feeling it happen, they will realize how much you don't want things to change and how much you want to maintain the friendship.
Summer07Bride
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Re: Post Wedding Friendships~long~
This scares me too, especially since I am moving to Albany on top of getting married. Plus - none of my friends are even close to getting engaged.
HamptonsBride
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Re: Post Wedding Friendships~long~
Well I am the LAST of my friends to get married...and I still have great friends who are there when i need them...and although we may not get to hang out as much as we'd like...we still make sure we call each other at least once a week or so...and keep the lines of communication open...i never wanted to not be friends with any of them just because they were married...it got a bit tougher when they all started having kids, but only because kids pretty much suck up your entire life...haha...but again...it's all about staying in touch with each other...but i also have to say that most of these friends have been in my life since grammar school..and i honestly never had a time when they weren't part of my life, nor could i imagine that. Don't stress...and if you feel things getting weird with any of them talk about it!
PS...i also have a close friend that moved to Australia to be with the man she married...and even though she is on the other side of the world..and we only get to see each other every few years, we still have a great friendship thru lots of e-mails and phone calls.
iBCraZ131
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Re: Post Wedding Friendships~long~
I think the minute I even mentioned that I was going to get engaged, that my friendships with my close girlfriends started to change. My one friend has no boyfriend on the horizon and she's pulled away big time (she's my MOH mind you) and my other friend who's a BM in my wedding just got married in February, and she just acts like because she's married that she HAS to be different and like she doesn't really want to be friends with the rest of us. I guess I'll have to see how all these friendships change after the wedding.
drpepper318
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Re: Post Wedding Friendships~long~
Yes I'm seeing it happening already... some friends I was once very close with who don't have a guy in their life, feel like they can't relate to me I guess, and don't want to talk or hang out as much... oh well, their loss. Maybe they think I've 'changed' but I know I haven't, at least not in a bad way.
