posting under a different name... FH's parents fighting with my parents, need advice please

My parents think FILs are cheap, rude, and fake. FH's parents think mine are cold, rude, and fake. They are all caught in this immatrue cycle of s/he-was-a-*****-so-i'm-going-to-retaliate and it's driving FH and I nuts. Individually, they're all good people who appear to want to give us whatever we want and need. But they can't work together without something stupid being said and blown out of proportion. Then FH and I hear about it and fight with each other. I can't take it any more. I'm having a lot of second thoughts about the wedding b/c all everyone does is fight.

We can't talk to both sets at once, b/c his are out of state. And mine will see it as an attack if we meet seperately.

Can FH and I fix this? Should we get involved? If yes, how? Please help....

Thanks.

Sorry to hear that you are going thru this, but what are the parents fighting about ? Is it about the wedding planning ?

If it is, then both of you need to set each set of parents straight, about how this is hurting you and bringing difficulties into your relationship.

You love your FH, you want to make a marriage, not just a wedding.

Tell the parents to grow up. They don't have to like each other, they just have to ensure that their respective children are happy and love each other.

Compose a caring, well thought out letter directed at all four so they know they all received the same thing (i.e. Dear Mom, Dad, FMIL, FFIL). Tell them how much you truly love each and everyone of them, from the bottom of your heart. Tell them how one of the most exciting things about getting married is not just marrying your best friend, but the joining of your families and the thoughts of future get togethers with everyone and the good times you look forward to. Then explain that you fear all your dreams may be lost because they cannot get along. Tell them you had hoped that this would be a special time but instead it's filled with hurt and upset; remind them that this is yours and your fiance's time to shine however you can't do that if they won't *happily* be a part of it.

Last but not least, tell them that the wedding is just one small part of their lives - your two families still have a long future together - with you and your FH as a couple and once the grandchildren start to come. If they're at each other's throat's now, what will it be like for the next 60 years?

Don't be accusatory, don't name specific events, don't be angry. Don't go on about how it's your day. All you want to tell them is you both love all 4 of them and you want EVERYONE to treat one another as equals.


Read the letter over and over, making changes as you go along if needed. THEN MAIL IT - one to each set of parents.

---

Posted by Sharron70

Compose a caring, well thought out letter directed at all four so they know they all received the same thing (i.e. Dear Mom, Dad, FMIL, FFIL). Tell them how much you truly love each and everyone of them, from the bottom of your heart. Tell them how one of the most exciting things about getting married is not just marrying your best friend, but the joining of your families and the thoughts of future get togethers with everyone and the good times you look forward to. Then explain that you fear all your dreams may be lost because they cannot get along. Tell them you had hoped that this would be a special time but instead it's filled with hurt and upset; remind them that this is yours and your fiance's time to shine however you can't do that if they won't *happily* be a part of it.

Last but not least, tell them that the wedding is just one small part of their lives - your two families still have a long future together - with you and your FH as a couple and once the grandchildren start to come. If they're at each other's throat's now, what will it be like for the next 60 years?

Don't be accusatory, don't name specific events, don't be angry. Don't go on about how it's your day. All you want to tell them is you both love all 4 of them and you want EVERYONE to treat one another as equals.


Read the letter over and over, making changes as you go along if needed. THEN MAIL IT - one to each set of parents.

---

excellent idea!!!!