posting under diff name

in case of lurkers...

I am so stressed. FILs are being an absolute PITA.

I need to get my invite list out and after being told the max room amount they still invited 30 people over and are insisting the ppl they invited wont come.

Not only do i not have enough invitations for these people, I refuse to bank on people saying no. What happens if they say yes????? Then I wont be able to fit them in the room!! Why should I have to stress for three months about whether or not we will have enough room becuase they decided last minute that they needed to invited 30 more people than were on the save the date list?

Besides the fact the FH and I wanted a small wedding to begin with.

Seriously it seems like everything is an issue. ***?

And I am not confrontational at all. I dont know why they have to put me in a situation where I have to tell them to cut their list down.

There are plenty of people that my parents would like to invite out of respect and aren't because a) we wanted a smaller wedding b) they cant afford it and c) the room won't accommodate it!

Anyone else going through this?

My sister had an issue like that. Her room held max 150 and 213 were invited. She was stressed out thinking FDNY would come and summons the place (because it would have been a total fire hazard). Her FILs put a whole bunch of ppl on their list & she didnt want to cause any problems with them.

Anyway long story short, they did ok. She was at 143 final count and there were no issues.

There will always be people who say no-thats what she told me.

m so sorry you are going throught this

i would tell them u will invite them but if they say yes after they told u they prob would not coeme they have to cover the expense

2010'er crashing...

This just happend to a friend of mine... EXACTLY the room hels X amount of people and his family invited 30+ more people saying they wouldn't come.... well THEY ALL DID! They had to have tables on the dancefloor for one. Like you said she was worried about the Max the room could hold legally and that people would have to be in the hallway... plus her father who was generously helping them said this is my max $$$ amount for your wedding... she and her DH had to take a loan out last minute bc they didn't have the money for them.

IDK what to tell you excpet tell them they are not getting invites unless they are paying for the extra people, AND you check with your RH first to see if they can even fit in the room...

GL

Ugh, I feel your pain. While I don't have a space issue with my hall, I do have an issue with my FILs 'sneaking' in 20 extra guests when they promised a certain amount of people. My parents are pretty pissed off about the whole situation since they don't want to pay for FILs extra people. Especially since FH and I don't know like 30% of the people on FIL's list.

Oh the drama!!!!!!!!

We are going through a VERY similar situation.

Just make sure you and FH stay strong and don't let the stress get to you.

Let your FH handle it. TRUST ME. It's not your job to tell your in-laws no.

We went through it to a certain extent. I told FMIL that the room only held x amount of people and I would send out invites for that amount and if we got 'no's' she could invite additional but anything over the # that FH and I budgeted for she was going to have to pay for and she agreed.

Sorry to hear you are going through this! The guest list was the only BAD part of planning for us, so once you get past that hopefully it's smooth sailing until the big day!

BTW: As far as FMIL knows, even if we do receive 'nos' from people other than the ones on her list, I'm going to tell her we didn't

I totally feel your pain...

FFIL/FSMIL want to invite like 16 friends... yet are not contributing. They also have a ton of family invited. They promised to contribute a specific amount, but told us they would get it to us closer to the date. My invites went out yesterday, and we still haven't received the money. FH told me they still don't have it. If they didn't have it in March, and still don't have it for August, how will they have it before the wedding?!?!

I am SO sorry you are getting all this drama!

Its easy to say 'do this' but we are not in the situation.

But here is my 2 cents.

They are NOT being nice. They DONT care about how you feel and what situation you are in. They DONT care if they are causing you hardship.

They basically said 'Here are 30 more people so too bad'.

How does it make you feel? (see your post)

So, you should have no problem (or your FH) going to them and saing, 'Im sorry, we cant do it. If we get no's we will add, but right now we cant.

Dont be affraid of confronting them in a positive productive way. THEY sure as HECK didnt care what it would do to YOU to just add another 30 people.

Confront them in a positive, constructive way. You will be damn proud of yourself for sticking up for yourself!!!!

Your well being is MORE important than theirs. Look at this post! You are stressing and worrying. They are sitting back and having a beer and thinking about what to have for dinner tonight. All you are THINKING about is how, why, what are we going to do, what nerve! THEY are thinking about work, and when they can go to the beach.

And I do want to be clear. Its not about 'They made me feel this way so im going to get back'. Its more that they didnt give any thought to how its made you feel. Even if they did, you would rather stew and be angry than confront them and say no.

And you can confront them positive. As an adult. You can keep your dignity and respect and calmly explain WHY and then say you cant do it.

Do yourelf a favor and put yourself first. Again, it can be constructive and positive. But you need to tell them no.

And again, im so sorry you have to deal with this Bull Shite.

Thanks all for the advice! I am starting to calm down a bit.

FILs are actually paying for all their guests, as are my parents.

My main issue was that we can't fit these people in the hall and we are running a risk in my estimation to be inviting 35 more people than will fit. And that the absolute MAX MAX...meaning that it won't be comfortable. Rather it will be very crowded.

That and I just realized that we don't even have enough invitations to invite their whole list

I gotta tell you..my back, neck and tummy are killing me from the stress...wasn't this supposed to be about FH and I ?Isnt this supposed to be a happy time?