postings-Karen G & other married ladies

Thanks so much for continuing to post on this website even after "the big day" has passed for you. I find it so helpful to hear all the stuff that we brides-to-be may never possibly realize or know until AFTER the wedding day. Karen, your info regarding having alot of stuff to take care of post-shower (besides the thank you's) is something I just wouldnt have thought of...yikes, I know my shower wont be until February (Im getting married in March)..my maid of honor is getting married in January. I kind of wish they would do it earlier...

So I know I'll surprise her - just don't want to look weird (you know, how we do everything for 'them').

Still so weird to see Karen G for me :) Sometimes this whole married thing seems so surreal - LOL

I'm happy to help. I check in to the board b/c my sister is now planning her wedding. Our mom died when we were little and as the big sister, I'm holding her hand throughout the process. This is the easiest way I have to keep on top of current news ('cause I never want to see another bridal mag again! LOL!)

Even in Feb, I'm sure you'll be OK. I know it feels like so many things are happening at once and can be overwhelming - but its a fun ride and you only do it once (or at the very least, once fo r the first time) and you should enjoy it. I was overwhelmed at my shower by all the love and generosity of my friends and family.....just remember to stop and smell the roses. :o)

I'm glad to share my experience. It's always nice to hear answers from people who actually did it already.

I wish there were more newleyweds on the site when I was planning. I actually booked my reception hall, from a referral on here, she just got married there and told me about it.

Also, from being on here about 5-10 times a day before the wedding(it's an addiction I had), it's so hard to stay away.

I agree with Brenda...I wish there were more newlyweds when I planned...

But I'm glad that others are here to talk about stuff....

Anyone have a guest that didn't bring a gift? I have someone on the husband's side who told me she forgot the check at home and would mail it....waiting...waiting...waiting....my husband is crazed and wants to call...is that right? or just chalk it up to our loss and bad manners on their part?

I agree with you Karen re: not asking. Really any which way you ask comes across poorly. Even if you make the case for the fact that it could be lost in the mail...it would be a far stretch of the imagination to believe that the person who "forgot" the check on the wedding day coincidentally had their check "lost" in the mail. They may be in a money crunch that you are not aware of and don't know how to address it. Or they may be (sadly enough) just not coming through at all. Hard as it may be, I would try to let it go. Don't forget that etiquette states that you have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift. If it hasn't been a full year yet, sometimes people come through at the last minute.

Guess who didnt bring gifts to my wedding - my 2 bosses! They did throw me an office shower & gave us a microwave - so I'm guessing that was their gift

?

But in the end - as was posted before - a gift is a gift. If I had to choose, I'd rather have them there without a gift then not at all!

I agree to some point, but I would definitley ask in passing, "hey you may want to put a stop on that check, it may have gotten lost in the mail"

My own personal etiquette, I would not go to a wedding if I could not afford to bring a gift. Unless it was part of my immediate family. That's just tacky. The bride and groom spend so much on everything.

Maybe I'm just bitter because we paid for the entire wedding ourselves and got back less than 6% of the total. But I have to remember it's a day I will always remember.

really! <6%??? yikes...we were hoping for 40-45%

Maybe I'm just bitter because we paid for the entire wedding ourselves and got back less than 6% of the total. But I have to remember it's a day I will always remember.

Re: check. When that guest gets their bank statements, they'll know the check didn't clear. If it was really sent, they'll call you because they'll know something went wrong. Therefore, there is no need to call and follow up on the gift. The only thing it will accomplish is putting the guest on the spot & making them feel uncomfortable.

6% of total wedding expenses or reception expenses? Our gifts covered 100% of the reception but only 50% of the wedding expenses (gowns, photographer, gifts, rehearsal dinners, invites, etc.

We paid for our wedding ourselves too. And it was difficult. I agonized over every $100. We had a nice wedding with 85 of our friends and family. And we had a few guests that came but could not afford to cover their plates.

It was 6% of the total, we didn't even get the entire reception cost.

Luckily we are not in debt and everything has already been paid for.

I agree you should not budget on what you think you might get, believe me we sure didn't.

I had a guest who did not bring a gift- They actually called us and said they forgot to give it to us-now it is a moth later and we are still waiting- However we know they have our correct address because they did not hesitate to send us an invite to a Christening in the interim.

Enjoy!

UPDATE!

My mother-in-law spoke to her cousin (the one who "forgot" the envelope) and it was mentioned in conversation that a gift is on the way....whatever.

I agree it's tacky to ask for a gift, but to come to a wedding in this day and age without a gift is twice as tacky....this was not a "football reception" like they had in the 1940s...this was a nice elegant affair that cost an arm and a leg.....luckily we made 100% of the reception costs, but not really much of anything else back...if it wasn't for the generosity of my parents....

While I agree that the marriage & celebrating your love is truly what the day is about, I certainly don't think anyone here is doing anything but venting and working through the frustrations. It is proper wedding etiquette for guest to bring a gift. In other countries or even other parts of this country, montary gifts are unheard of but nonetheless a wedding is a gift giving occasion. I also find that many people use that guideline of having up to a year after to send a gift. But there is an added frustration for a bride & groom of a guest going on about how they forgot the gift etc. When my day comes, I wouldn't think I would ever end up confronting a guest regarding a gift. I will try to let it go. I think that anyone who is working through these feelings has every right to vent it here with others who may understand and offer suggestions on how to handle it so they are comfortable with these people in the future, for example, being invited to their own events by those same guests. Ah, the lessons of life...

No magic potions here ( I wish I had some I'd split it with you) Just best wishes.

I too am sorry that you had such a horrible experience. I would have loved to have received such a thoughtful gift. My favorite gifts from the wedding were 2 home made cards that we received....you can't put a price on sentiment.

Because years later, when all the checks have cleared and the bills have long passed, we won't remember who gave what cash gift. What we will still have are gifts like your poem book and my home made cards.....and all the memories related to them.

:)