Pre-Cana

Ok so Fh and I are considering getting married in church. I am trying to find out what the Pre-Cana is and what they want you to do and also if there is anything else that has to be done to get married in church.

Thank you in advance.......

Its a series of discussion, set over a day or a few weeks that are geared to helping you in your marriage as well as learn how to have a catholic marriage.

In brooklyn we went for a friday night mass, and all day 1 saturday. it was actually fun.

First you need to find out if your church does Pre-Cana. If they don't, like my church then you call the Diocese of Rockville Centre, and they will send you all the info. You have to pay $300 or $350. You can apply on line and choose what's best for you. They have a weekend encounter or you can break it in 4 weeks. You will receive informaion about FOCCUS which you and your FH have to do online seperatly. It's just questions about your relationship and things about each other.

At the Pre-cana you will have couples and other married people go in and talk about their experience and their point of view of a long lasting marriage. You will enjoy it. I did the 4 weeks and was thinking OMG, 3 hours every week of this, but I truly loved it. TIme flew and the topics were very interesting and you have time to discuss with your FH things that need to be worked on.

Sorry it's long, but trying to give you a break down of it all . Good Luck!!!

I would suggest going to talk to your church first. Some churches has different requirements. If you haven't had all your sacraments, for example, that is something that you'll have to take.

As far as Pre-Cana is concerned, it's simply a class couples take prior to getting married. You can do it in one day or they can break it up into several days a few hours each day. It's not as bad as it sounds. It's really more like a learning environment with a couple that's been married for a long time. They talk about stuff like communication and how men and women are different and sex. It's pretty informative and in no way makes you feel uncomfortable.

In addition, some churches require a FOCCUS test which is a simple test that pinpoints possible areas that you and your fiance may need to discuss. Again, some churches require this while others do not at all.

To be very honest do you have to do it? FH nor I want to hear about how marriage works. I'm not trying to be snotty but I don't really need someone elses view on marriage, etc.... FH works all the time in the evening and I work two jobs, is there anyway of getting out of it.

It's just my opinion on the Pre-Cana and the churches beliefs.

To add on to what the other ladies said above, there are different forms of it. The RVCD one is an all day Saturday where its more a lecture. Other parishes have smaller groups that meet once a week over the course of several weeks.

We live in the DC area, so did it down here. Ours was done over a few weeks and it was perfect. It was a small setting-- we were one of 8 couples and our group leaders were two married couples (one had been married for 45 yrs, the other, 2 yrs) and a priest. We talked about a host of different issues and topics and we just loved it. We found that we had discussed most of what we covered already but not in the detail that we should have, so it was perfect. It was a small enough group that we could have open discussion and not feel as though we were being told what was right and wrong, like so many people felt the larger all day Saturday session was.

A lot of brides and grooms complain about having to do it, but from my experience, I am so glad we did it. It was a wonderful experience for us.

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Posted by myprinn5667

To be very honest do you have to do it? FH nor I want to hear about how marriage works. I'm not trying to be snotty but I don't really need someone elses view on marriage, etc.... FH works all the time in the evening and I work two jobs, is there anyway of getting out of it.

It's just my opinion on the Pre-Cana and the churches beliefs.

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It's not a class on how marriage works. It's a course to get you to discuss with each other important issues that will come up during marriage. Big topics we covered:

1) finances-- have you both been open and honest with each other about what your income and expenses (debt) actually are?

2) communication-- how do you communicate? do your styles of communication work well or do you need to tweak how you speak to each other?

3) family-- do you plan on having children? how do you relate to each other's families? have you discussed which family you will be spending your first Christmas or Thanksgiving with? Will your choice negatively impact your relations with the family that is cut out?

4) Faith-- Yes, there is a Catholic Faith/Teachings component. They will talk about family planning and they will talk about 'Sacramental sex.'

Those are just a few of the topics covered. In a good program, they wont' tell you what makes a good marriage and what doesn't. They will help highlight common issues that come up in all marriages and help give you skills and tools to work through them.

But if you are getting married in a church (with a Nuptial Mass), then presumably Faith is important to you. If it's not and you are just getting married in a church for the pretty atmosphere, and no offense when I say this, then perhaps you shouldn't be married in a Catholic Church, and you should consider other venues. JMHO

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Posted by kori22ny

First you need to find out if your church does Pre-Cana. If they don't, like my church then you call the Diocese of Rockville Centre, and they will send you all the info. You have to pay $300 or $350. You can apply on line and choose what's best for you. They have a weekend encounter or you can break it in 4 weeks. You will receive informaion about FOCCUS which you and your FH have to do online seperatly. It's just questions about your relationship and things about each other.

At the Pre-cana you will have couples and other married people go in and talk about their experience and their point of view of a long lasting marriage. You will enjoy it. I did the 4 weeks and was thinking OMG, 3 hours every week of this, but I truly loved it. TIme flew and the topics were very interesting and you have time to discuss with your FH things that need to be worked on.

Sorry it's long, but trying to give you a break down of it all . Good Luck!!!

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I just registered for Pre-Cana and it was $195 through the Diocese of RVC

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Posted by MakingofaMulligan

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Posted by kori22ny

First you need to find out if your church does Pre-Cana. If they don't, like my church then you call the Diocese of Rockville Centre, and they will send you all the info. You have to pay $300 or $350. You can apply on line and choose what's best for you. They have a weekend encounter or you can break it in 4 weeks. You will receive informaion about FOCCUS which you and your FH have to do online seperatly. It's just questions about your relationship and things about each other.

At the Pre-cana you will have couples and other married people go in and talk about their experience and their point of view of a long lasting marriage. You will enjoy it. I did the 4 weeks and was thinking OMG, 3 hours every week of this, but I truly loved it. TIme flew and the topics were very interesting and you have time to discuss with your FH things that need to be worked on.

Sorry it's long, but trying to give you a break down of it all . Good Luck!!!

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I just registered for Pre-Cana and it was $195 through the Diocese of RVC

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Mine included the price of FOCCUS also.

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Posted by myprinn5667

To be very honest do you have to do it? FH nor I want to hear about how marriage works. I'm not trying to be snotty but I don't really need someone elses view on marriage, etc.... FH works all the time in the evening and I work two jobs, is there anyway of getting out of it.

It's just my opinion on the Pre-Cana and the churches beliefs.

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I honestly don't think you can get out of it, but ask. I understand what you are saying about not having time and stuff, but there are different dates that might work for you. I don't see it as them telling you what to do it's just some guidance. Don't mean to sound rude, but if you are seeing all these things as a hassel then getting married through the church is not for you. MHO.

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Posted by myprinn5667

To be very honest do you have to do it? FH nor I want to hear about how marriage works. I'm not trying to be snotty but I don't really need someone elses view on marriage, etc.... FH works all the time in the evening and I work two jobs, is there anyway of getting out of it.

It's just my opinion on the Pre-Cana and the churches beliefs.

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No that is not how it is, pre cana is not given by people of the church, its married couples that are part of the church that do it. You talk about money, communication, etc. Yes you will touch on religion/faith during it but its not all about the church. They talk about different subjects that come up during marriage and how to deal with them.

The last thing I wanted to do was hear someone tell me how to manage our finances after living with DH for 5 years, but we both actually gained alot from it.

Most churches it is mandatory