pre-cana/ marriage counseling...

the future mrs m Posted: May 19, 2007 11:16 PM

pre-cana/ marriage counseling...

I keep hearing lots of people say that counseling was sooo beneficial.

What were the topics that came up that you would have never thought of on your own?

What had you never discussed before that came up?

Please tell me specifics b/c fh and i think we have everything covered but I want to be sure since we prob won't do pre-cana.

thanks,
k

waterspout4 Posted: May 19, 2007 11:23 PM

Re: pre-cana/ mariage counseling...

My DH and I really thought we talked about everything. We were friends for 7 years before we even dated. But pre-cana actually made us answer questions (between the 2 of us) that we never openly discussed. It was obvious things that we just never fully discussed. I'll never forget the question: What have you done in the past month to show your mate how much you love them? There were 3 lines to write an answer. I could only come up with 2 answers. I realized how much I love him, but I was missing out on actually showing him. Made me never want to take him for granted again.

nocode Posted: May 19, 2007 11:25 PM

Re: pre-cana/ marriage counseling...

i can honestly say that our pre cana was helpful to us because it helped us to evaluate ourselves individually, like i have some things i figured out I need to work on to make things run smoother and he said he walked away feeling the same that there are some bumps he realized he needed to work out. As a couple though there wasnt one topic that we hadnt discussed together and worked out even before getting engaged like famliy things, our roles in the famliy careers, kids, pets, whatever it was. buti didnt think it was helpful and am glad we went

LitBallerinaGirl Posted: May 20, 2007 12:37 AM

Re: pre-cana/ marriage counseling...

The main lesson that they try to teach in pre-cana is the importance of communication. So all their games, and lessons revolve on how to talk to your spouse most appropriately for your particular relationship. It's great because they dig inside of you to help you express just how much you love and care for your FH/FW.
I really enjoyed my pre-cana experience, although I know there are others out there who did not find it beneficial at all. Each person's experience is different and not everyone is supposed to get the same thing out of it. It really is designed to have each couple work on their own personal and unique issues.

the future mrs m Posted: May 20, 2007 09:13 AM

Re: pre-cana/ marriage counseling...

Does anyone still have some of the material they received at precana that maybe i can photocopy?

gigles319 Posted: May 20, 2007 09:39 AM

Re: pre-cana/ marriage counseling...

We really didn't want to do it,but after it was done it was really a good experience

Tori9299 Posted: May 20, 2007 09:42 AM

Re: pre-cana/ marriage counseling...

That's a great idea I would love some info on that also.

Drv0716 Posted: May 20, 2007 10:01 AM

Re: pre-cana/ marriage counseling...

There weren't that many questions that came up that we haven't already discussed. We already have a child together so a lot of details about our lives have already been discussed & figured out due to necessity.

I do remember one thing we did that was my absolute favorite. Each person had to write down three reasons why they loved their partner. Then they dimmed the lights and made the couples face each other & read their lists outloud to each other. Almost nobody in the room made it through the list without crying. I was hysterical & it was wonderful to hear the things FH said about me & to hear what everyone else said about each other.

Joette_Terese Posted: May 20, 2007 10:04 AM

Re: pre-cana/ marriage counseling...

Posted by Drv0716

There weren't that many questions that came up that we haven't already discussed. We already have a child together so a lot of details about our lives have already been discussed & figured out due to necessity.

I do remember one thing we did that was my absolute favorite. Each person had to write down three reasons why they loved their partner. Then they dimmed the lights and made the couples face each other & read their lists outloud to each other. Almost nobody in the room made it through the list without crying. I was hysterical & it was wonderful to hear the things FH said about me & to hear what everyone else said about each other.

We just got the call to do our FOCCUS test and to sign up for pre-cana and if we do something like this I will LOSE IT!

SwissMiss06 Posted: May 20, 2007 10:36 AM

Re: pre-cana/ marriage counseling...

I really liked the hand ceremony we did at the end....I've seen the text of the ceremony on LIW before but to sit in a beautiful room with other couples so in love with each other and hear the words, 'The hands you are holding are the hands that will tenderly hold your children' made me shiver. I had heard many stories about how boring pre-cana was, but I felt it was a spiritual, loving experience.

waterspout4 Posted: May 20, 2007 02:52 PM

Re: pre-cana/ marriage counseling...

Posted by the future mrs m

Does anyone still have some of the material they received at precana that maybe i can photocopy?

I think we do, but it has all of our handwritten answers to each other on it. So, I'm not willing to share that stuff!!

ant n tilde Posted: May 20, 2007 03:01 PM

Re: pre-cana/ marriage counseling...

FH and I have been together for nine years and I can't believe what came up that we haven't discussed before. Or, we HAD discussed it but just not seriously and this FORCED us to think seriously about our responses.

Some questions:
Do you want children?
How many?
What if we can't have children - what would our next step be? Would there be a next step?
What would we do if we had a child with a disability?

Who will take care of our parents in their old age?
Would we be willing to take in our parents if needed?
What happens if both sets of parents need us?

Are we willing to move away from our family?
Does work interfere with our lives?

If we have problems, are we willing to go to counseling?

What role will God play in our lives?
Will we attend church together?
How are we planning on raising our children according to our faith?

Who will take care of the finances?
What if one of us can't work?
Will I be a SAHM or a working mom?

hmmm - we also discussed the importance of communication. How important it is to discuss everything from finances to intimacy.

We learned NOT to fight to WIN but to fight to come to a compromise. . .

Umm that is all i can think of now!