I went to Pre-Cana last night for the first time. It wasn't as bad as FH and I thought it was going to be. Mostly becuase we were pleasantly surprised to walk in and see a couple that we are very close with. They are getting married in September, so I never even thought to ask them abotu Pre-Cana
Anyway, I thought the section of the Focus test that was directed at 'couples cohabitating' was very insulting. The statements changed dramatically. Some of them (ie., I feel obligated to get married because we are living together) seemed fair to ask, but most of them (I understand why my church does not approve of couples cohabitating before marriage, and I feel that since we are living together I must submit to sex on demand) were offensive. I get that the church disapproves, but in light of all of the scandals facing the Catholic Church these days, they should be a little less judgmental.
Can't wait until the night we have to talk about sexuality.
Fletch
Posted:
Member since
Re: Pre-Cana Vent (for those living together)
We go for pre-cana in April and haven't decided what we will say about our living together. IMO however, I feel that unless the Catholic church is willing to pay the additional rent it will cost for us to live apart then they can speak to it, otherwise it shouldn't be any of their concern.
Becky
Posted:
Member since
Re: Pre-Cana Vent (for those living together)
No one actually asked us if we are living together. The test had a section for couples who were divorced/widowed/cohabitating.
Of course I disagreed with the statements that I thought were offensive. It just seemed like the statements were different. Rather than exploring my feelings towards handling money or communication, or something RELEVANT, it seemed to be directed at conveying the church's disapproval.
I hope that is the most judged that I feel through the remainder of my three classes. I don't want to have to deal with that.
dubliner
Posted:
Member since
Re: Pre-Cana Vent (for those living together)
Wow - I would be p1ssed with a question like that, but these days it doesn't take much to p1ss me off
The interfaith precana was very different
chmpgnrose
Posted:
Member since
Re: Pre-Cana Vent (for those living together)
We did not go to the same church for Pre-Cana and FOCCUS. I don't think it matters as long as you complete both programs/classes. The Diocese of Rockville Centre offers Marriage Preparation and Engaged Encounter courses for a fee. Check the site for more info.
We did'nt tell them that we live together, but it turned out the other 4 couples that were there all lived together too, so it made it alot easier on us.
Thrilled
Posted:
Member since
Re: Pre-Cana Vent (for those living together)
Wait - we have to take pre-cana AND FOCUS? No one ever said a word to me about FOCUS. I never heard of it until today....
MISHY
Posted:
Member since
Re: Pre-Cana Vent (for those living together)
I don't understand you would think the church which wants you to stayed married would be okay with the fact that living together avoids a lot of fighting when you first get married and move in together Ya just can't WIN
Becky
Posted:
Member since
Re: Pre-Cana Vent (for those living together)
Rachel, where I am taking it, Focus is a part of Pre-Cana. I had my first Pre-Cana meeting last night and for the last half hour we all took a Focus test. It is just a bunch of statements that you either agree with, disagree with, or don't know. You fill in your answers on scantron and your test is compared to your FH's to see how compatable you are and where you need to work on your relationship.
You can call your church if you are worried, but if they have only mentioned Pre-Cana to you, then you probably will take the Focus test as a part of Pre-Cana.
sparkette
Posted:
Member since
Re: Pre-Cana Vent (for those living together)
Dubliner - what is Interfaith Pre-Cana. Is it just for interfaith couples? Can you give me some more information on it? We are doing the Engaged Encounter in March, and I am a little nervous that we will be the only Interfaith couple there.
MarcellaBella
Posted:
Member since
Re: Pre-Cana Vent (for those living together)
A SCANTRON TEST!!! omg! lol I hope we don't have any of that... oh and I'm doing the whole, they don't ask, I'm not telling bit..
Betty
Posted:
Member since
Re: Pre-Cana Vent (for those living together)
TONIGHT IS OUR LAST PRE-CANA MEETING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
prncssrachel
Posted:
Member since
Re: Pre-Cana Vent (for those living together)
Ok,first of all, I am sooooo glad now that we are not getting married in a church or by a priest. We had a friend ordained, and he is marrying us. But my grandmother keeps telling me that if we have no church, no priest, no religion in our ceremony, then we will not be allowed to bring our children up in the catholic church. Is she serious or is she just trying to get us to use a priest??????? We're just not practicing catholics anymore.
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: Pre-Cana Vent (for those living together)
I never lied or felt the least bit ashamed that I lived with Scott. Our pre-cana couple leaders didn't pass any judgement on it either. There were 3 couples in my 'class'- 2 of us lived togther already. No one ever made a negative comment. I am sorry that someone made you feel bad. I feel that lying is silly. Why not be proud of your decision and stand up for it.
