I was looking forward to it and had heard it can be really valuable. Honestly - it was ridiculous. They told us really ridiculous stories like, 'If you notice that your spouse is spending lots of money, their personality changes and they have track marks on their arms, you should discuss this.' Really? Oh, I hadn't thought of that. They gave us no tools to start a conversation (Ok - I don't think my FH is going to turn into a heroine addict but my point is that they pointed out the obvious and gave us no tools to deal with it). In fact, it became a big ad for the marriage counseler who was speaking. She told us how to contact her for personal sessions about 10 times. The entire group was annoyed. We were all ready to learn something. FH was hesitant and I convinced him it would be fun and we'd learn something. Uh - he's never going to trust me again!
I know it depends on the parish so some of you had a great experience - I'm just talking about my experience.
Not looking forward to going back but luckily we have a different speker each of the sessions
dita531
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
What parish did you go to? Did you take FOCCUS? I took the FOCCUS test and I did find that to be a little helpful- it raised a few questions with stuff we hadn't yet discussed. I'm goign for Pre-Cana the first week in May.
Bebalina
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
Posted by samsbride
I was looking forward to it and had heard it can be really valuable. Honestly - it was ridiculous. They told us really ridiculous stories like, 'If you notice that your spouse is spending lots of money, their personality changes and they have track marks on their arms, you should discuss this.' Really? Oh, I hadn't thought of that. They gave us no tools to start a conversation (Ok - I don't think my FH is going to turn into a heroine addict but my point is that they pointed out the obvious and gave us no tools to deal with it). In fact, it became a big ad for the marriage counseler who was speaking. She told us how to contact her for personal sessions about 10 times. The entire group was annoyed. We were all ready to learn something. FH was hesitant and I convinced him it would be fun and we'd learn something. Uh - he's never going to trust me again!
I know it depends on the parish so some of you had a great experience - I'm just talking about my experience.
Not looking forward to going back but luckily we have a different speker each of the sessions
at how u said the track mark line and heroine addict...ur toooooooooo funny
Lorena
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
So sorry to hear you had a bad experience. Ours was so positive. How many sessions do you have? Hopefully the other speakers will be better. I really think the biggest thing about precana was that it brought up all these issues for us to discuss. I hope that happens for you next time.
sag530
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
Sorry you had this experience. Our pre-cana was much better. It was in a couples home with 4 other couples. They never preached , just discussed situations that came up in their marriage and how they worked them out. We came away realizing we had pretty much discussed 'problem' areas already and that we knew each other better then we thought!
Caliope
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
My friend went a couple of years ago. They told the brides that if they wanted to keep their husbands from straying they should wear makeup and heels at all times
nbird
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
How far ahaed should we go for pre cana? We are getting married July 2005?
gina&ken
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
i think you're supposed to go to pre cana 6-8 months before the wedding.
samsbride
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
We did take the FOCCUS test but nobody every scored it. I also think that is a strange form - very 1950s. 'Do you feel comfortable having your spouse see you naked?' 'Do you have homosexual feelings?' 'Do you want a fulfilling sex life?' 'Are you pregant?' (They ask about pregnancy a lot)
If couples really have issues with the above questions - do you think they will answer honestly and have the priest sort it out for them? Yes - there are some questions that are more valuable but I just think this stuff is so basic that it becomes boring. They need programs suited for couples who already know each other very well. Just my opinion and I do have the feeling I just got stuck with a bad speaker last night who loved to hear her own voice. I'm assuming next week will have to be better.
We are in Manhattan by the way. We don't have a parish - it's just a church that had an opening for us.
Karacg
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
I did pre-cana -- today would be my 10 year anniversary...had my ex not been sleeping with my best friend. I don't they covered that in pre-cana...
SandraLynn
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
KG--that is funny....you have a whippish humor...
Kee
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
I lied on the religious questions so my priest wouldn't get angry I'm not very religious
Lorena
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
Our precana was very open and definitely for couples who already knew each other well. People were honest about having gone on vacations together and staying at each other's places and things like that. When we discussed issues we shared experiences and discussions that we already had. We were not lectured. I think it was actually a very unique experience because I'm hearing that many other couples don't have anywhere near the experience we did. I don't know if it will really make a difference in the long run but at least it put some emphasis on the marriage part of the process during a time when we keep focusing on wedding, wedding, wedding. Anyway, just thought I'd share for those who are having or have had not-so-great experiences. On our last day of precana we were asked to share our reactions/opinions of the program. One guy said that it actually made him feel more positive about the church than he had in a long time. I thought that really said something.
ETA - Karacg - yikes! don't think even the best precana would've touched on that!
jcova1019
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
I agree that precana was a waste of time. We were about 30n other couples and it was set up like an auditorium. There was no interaction with other couples. It was just a lecture for 5 hours straight. After hour 3, I began to zone out. I didn't enjoy it at all.
MrsBrad
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
Posted by Caliope
My friend went a couple of years ago. They told the brides that if they wanted to keep their husbands from straying they should wear makeup and heels at all times
are you serious?
Caliope
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
Sadly yes it is a true story, it sort of made me feel ok with not being able to attend pre canna myself.
wc0143
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Re: Pre Cana was the biggest waste of time
Posted by Caliope
My friend went a couple of years ago. They told the brides that if they wanted to keep their husbands from straying they should wear makeup and heels at all times
