We start Precana tomorrow night, and I'm a bit nervous about the fact that we live together, and have for several years now. I'm almost 31 (he's 34) and I'm very proud to say that FI is my first and only ....which is the greatest decision I ever made. I'm confident in who we are as people, but I can't help being a bit anxious if the whole living together before marriage and pre-marital sex issues come up. I don't plan to lie, but I'm not sure how much of the truth I should offer up willingly.
Anyone else have these hesitancies? Anyone already do PreCana and have advice?
EJSD2006
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Re: PreCana - how much honesty?
FH and I don't live together but we definitely have done the deed before marriage. I'm not embarassed about it. I have nothing to hide. I think the Church is aware of what day and age we're in and that it's more common than it used to be. I started pre-cana yesterday and they made it known that they don't ask intimate questions like that outloud. The questionnaires ask questions but you never have to share your answer with the group. We're marrying each other, not a bunch of strangers. It's none of their business. Be honest and you'll be fine. Remember, God can hear you.
Naunie
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Re: PreCana - how much honesty?
In our first meeting with the preist, he asked for our address. You can't lie to a priest, so we gave him our adderss, same address. What can you do? They don't agree with it, but they know it happens. They aren't about judging, or at least they shouldn't be, because thats wrong... You'll be fine. I actually have a fun time in pre cana, trying to figure out which couples live with each other!
Naunie
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Re: PreCana - how much honesty?
Also, I would say- if you have any ?? about Catholic Church, ask CarlsBride, shes got all the info on that!
ewickens
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Re: PreCana - how much honesty?
Just relax and be yourself. Through most pre-cana's, couple have to hear a small lecture on a certain topics (ex. Communication, Sexuality, Family Relations, etc) and then your FH and yourself will fill out a questionnaire separately and once finished will come back together and share your answers with each other, NEVER with the group or those running the show.
Pre-Cana is just the Church's way of preparing you for marriage in the long term and making you think of things, past & present, that wouldn't think about normally. My FH was really hating the idea of it, and over the last 2 sessions, he's really gotten into it because as he and I discuss our answers, it's making us closer than ever before!
Good luck and have some fun!
waterspout4
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Re: PreCana - how much honesty?
Most places you don't have to offer the information publically. Churches know the times have changed. Only 2 couples in our class weren't living together!
Faith
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Re: PreCana - how much honesty?
When we did pre-cana, we had this really kind and cool couple and they did not put out judgement on anyone at all. I can honestly say it was a wonderful experience because of them and I'm glad to have met them. I don't remember living together or sex before marriage even being brought up. After we finished, we had a speech from a deacon, who was also very down to earth. I think you might be pleasantly surprised and these issues may not be brought up.
beautyq115
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Re: PreCana - how much honesty?
Posted by Faith
When we did pre-cana, we had this really kind and cool couple and they did not put out judgement on anyone at all. I can honestly say it was a wonderful experience because of them and I'm glad to have met them. I don't remember living together or sex before marriage even being brought up. After we finished, we had a speech from a deacon, who was also very down to earth. I think you might be pleasantly surprised and these issues may not be brought up.
I was surprised to Erin...and I think they assumed we all lived together already as well. The two couples who did it were absolutely awesome!!!
And the best part...I shared Pre Cana with 2 LIW girls...
concon361
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Re: PreCana - how much honesty?
we are in pre cana now..and it is not at all what we expected...we really enjoy it actually. The couple is nice anf fun and nobody prys unless you want to give up the info. THere are three out of 5 of us that live together and they made no big deal about it. Just be yourself and enjoy, you will be surprised at what you learn!
marymoon
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Re: PreCana - how much honesty?
QWe haven;t been to pre-cana, but from our talk with the Deacon, it didn't even seem like that would come up...and we got the pamphlet for pre-cana and one of them specifically said you never hasve to share with the group or anything, just with your FH/FW.
Honestly, it's such a common thing, no one's going to damn you for it.
Shiv
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Re: PreCana - how much honesty?
Posted by Naunie
In our first meeting with the preist, he asked for our address. You can't lie to a priest, so we gave him our adderss, same address. What can you do? They don't agree with it, but they know it happens. They aren't about judging, or at least they shouldn't be, because thats wrong... You'll be fine. I actually have a fun time in pre cana, trying to figure out which couples live with each other!
The same thing happened to us, we had to give him our same address in the first meeting. He didn't say anything and if it comes up again, we'll be honest about it. There's alot worse things than living together- at least we're taking the steps to be married and not just living together for the sake of it. They have to appreciate that.
