Problem

If your FH doesn't want them as groomsmen maybe they could be ushers, readers, or some other active role.

But if your family is paying for the wedding, and/or its important to you that they be groomsmen you need to tell FH that it isn't negociable.

Why don't you just have your brothers on your side of the wedding party. They'll still wear tuxes like the groomsmen, but they'll be your honor attendants.

That way your FH can have all the friends/family he wants standing up for him on his side, and you can have all the people you want.

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Posted by Danielle2207

Ouch. That can be a sticky situation. Is there a reason why he doesn't want to include your two brothers? Does he have brothers of his own that he wants in the wedding party? The only advice I can give to you is to try and compromise with him on this. If he is really set on not having them in it and there is no compromising with him maybe you can try to honoring your brothers in a different way (having them do a reading at the ceremony, for example. Good luck, hope everything works out.

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I agree

That is a sticky situation.
My FI didn't want my brother to be a in the BP and I told him 'touph'. For me, it was not up for discussion. I had his sisters in my BP and he would have my brother.

Are you including his sisters? Does he have sisters?

I guess I'm different from everyone else but I don't see why you would 'make' your FH have anyone in his wedding party that he doesn't want. I have three brothers and none of them are in the wedding party. FH's sister isn't either. We're just not close like that and if we did do this, there would be other people, who actually belong in the wedding party, that there wouldn't be room for.

I think the biggest thing to remember here is that it's not only your wedding, it's his too.

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Posted by eogara

I guess I'm different from everyone else but I don't see why you would 'make' your FH have anyone in his wedding party that he doesn't want. I have three brothers and none of them are in the wedding party. FH's sister isn't either. We're just not close like that and if we did do this, there would be other people, who actually belong in the wedding party, that there wouldn't be room for.

I think the biggest thing to remember here is that it's not only your wedding, it's his too.

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I couldn't have said it better.

This is JMO but the GM's are your FH's choice just like your BM's are your choice. You are already having all four of your sisters. I don't think it would be right to have your FH have to not put two of his close friends or relatives bc you want your brothers in it as well.

Is there a particular reason he doesn't want them in? are you trying to keep it to a certain number of poeple? Why not try and compromise something with him...like have them do readings during the ceromony, or escorted guests to their seats at the ceromony???

Huh.....is there more to it than that? Did he say why he doesn't want them in it? I don't know, I guess you could tell from everyone's responses that it really depends on what your family is comfortable with and what you are. For me, it was non-negotiable. Family is family. I am having his SIL and he is having my brother and BIL. It just really depends on what you and your FH feel comfortable with. But yep, there are other really important roles they can play as ushers, readers, etc. just try to make sure they're included in your big day if they want to be so that no feelings are hurt.

By the way, welcome to the boards!

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Posted by Thumballina

This is JMO but the GM's are your FH's choice just like your BM's are your choice. You are already having all four of your sisters. I don't think it would be right to have your FH have to not put two of his close friends or relatives bc you want your brothers in it as well.

Is there a particular reason he doesn't want them in? are you trying to keep it to a certain number of poeple? Why not try and compromise something with him...like have them do readings during the ceromony, or escorted guests to their seats at the ceromony???

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I was going to suggest readings as well. I have two sisters and we were not in my sister in law's bridal party when she married my brother. We did readings instead and we were happy. My sisters will not be in my bridal party because they are both close to 50 years old and have no desire to be bridesmaids. So that means I am not asking FH's sisters either. I am simply using my closest friends and children for my bridal party. If anyone has any problems with it, let them confront me face to face. They wouldn't dare.

I have the same problem! So we are including them by making the ushers. Just make sure you include them in some group pictures.

Jenn

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Posted by eogara

I guess I'm different from everyone else but I don't see why you would 'make' your FH have anyone in his wedding party that he doesn't want. I have three brothers and none of them are in the wedding party. FH's sister isn't either. We're just not close like that and if we did do this, there would be other people, who actually belong in the wedding party, that there wouldn't be room for.

I think the biggest thing to remember here is that it's not only your wedding, it's his too.

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I have to agree with this. There are plenty of other ways you can include your brothers, as other people have said; you can make them ushers, or they can do readings, etc. JMHO, but it's not a good start to a marriage if you won't let your FH make decisions.

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Posted by Butterflybride

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Posted by eogara

I guess I'm different from everyone else but I don't see why you would 'make' your FH have anyone in his wedding party that he doesn't want. I have three brothers and none of them are in the wedding party. FH's sister isn't either. We're just not close like that and if we did do this, there would be other people, who actually belong in the wedding party, that there wouldn't be room for.

I think the biggest thing to remember here is that it's not only your wedding, it's his too.

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I have to agree with this. There are plenty of other ways you can include your brothers, as other people have said; you can make them ushers, or they can do readings, etc. JMHO, but it's not a good start to a marriage if you won't let your FH make decisions.

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I am going to agree with you on this too. After telling some people that my sisters and brother were not going to be in my bridal party, I got MANY looks and a lot of commentary.

I chose to include their children as family representatives and they much preferred that. I am the much younger sister of three siblings. I DID ask my sisters if they wanted to be included and both of them felt very silly about the idea of being bridesmaids/MOH's at their age. However their experiences planning other family occasions will help me as I plan mine. My mother and father aren't well and they will not be able to run around and do all of the things needed to plan a wedding. My sisters will be KEY in that respect. I also asked my bridal party to allow my sisters and sister in law to be included in the planning of any shower they may throw.

Sometimes you have to throw tradition to the wind and do what is best for you. Like other posts say, you don't want to start your marriage off on a sour note when in the grand scheme of things, you know who is important to you.

i have my fiances sister and sister in law both in my wedding party. i have no problem with it. i think he should put your brothers in his. what is 2 extra people? are you including any of his family members in yours?